KatZee Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 And you'd also say her BF was controlling and authoritative to issue that kind of ultimatum. Not really. I think anyone, REGARDLESS of gender has the right to be like, "What the hell is going on?!" If they notice their partner of almost a year is now back and active on a dating website. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 And you'd also say her BF was controlling and authoritative to issue that kind of ultimatum. You're damn right I'd put my foot down about my partner having a dating profile. That's not an ultimatum - that's a boundary and a deal-breaker. Controlling is telling me I can't join my girlfriends for happy hour - NOT insisting that I not troll for other men. 3
ChessPieceFace Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Not really. I think anyone, REGARDLESS of gender has the right to be like, "What the hell is going on?!" If they notice their partner of almost a year is now back and active on a dating website. "What the hell is going on" != "You're going to get on the computer and delete this profile right in front of me or we are through".
Drseussgrrl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 "What the hell is going on" != "You're going to get on the computer and delete this profile right in front of me or we are through". Ha - not even. I'd dump him on the spot.
Author Brunettie Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 We talked about it on the phone a few minutes ago. He reiterated that it was because of his concerns, and that he's not been on there in a few weeks. Says he hadn't been on there, before the rough patch, in a very long time. He says that while he still has those concerns, they are fading. He said basically, it is what it is. If we have another rough patch down the road he's not promising that he won't go browse. He swears it is deactivated. And he also said, which I did not like, "At the end of the day, what I do is my business. If I want to message someone, then I will. If I don't want to, then I won't." This is all just really weird.. this is unlike him. I asked him if he did want to be with me and he said yes. I've yet to get an apology.
KatZee Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 "What the hell is going on" != "You're going to get on the computer and delete this profile right in front of me or we are through". Yeah, this wouldn't even happen. He's proven beyond a shadow of a doubt to be shady, a liar, a sneak, a person with poor morals, no integrity, no communication skills, and a coward. What would "deleting the profile in front of me" accomplish? Absolutely nothing because he'd most likely delete it and seconds later set up a new one. If there's no trust there's no relationship. So this would pretty much be the end of it, coupled with what's been going on in the past? I'd send him on his way. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.
KatZee Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 He said basically, it is what it is. If we have another rough patch down the road he's not promising that he won't go browse. And he also said "At the end of the day, what I do is my business. If I want to message someone, then I will. If I don't want to, then I won't." this is unlike him...I've yet to get an apology. RED FLAG #1, #2, and #3. WARNING. WARNING. Abort. What he does is his business? Oh OK, so THAT'S the way it works. If he wants to go shopping on dating website and entertain single women, it's cool. And he went on because he had concerns?? OK, so why didn't he COME TO YOU WITH THOSE CONCERNS? Why did he just automatically look to find something else?? He finds NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT HE'S DONE and that's why you have not and why YOU WILL NOT receive an apology for this. Unlike him? I'm willing to bet you don't even KNOW HIM. 1
Star Gazer Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 We talked about it on the phone a few minutes ago. He reiterated that it was because of his concerns, and that he's not been on there in a few weeks. Says he hadn't been on there, before the rough patch, in a very long time. He says that while he still has those concerns, they are fading. He said basically, it is what it is. If we have another rough patch down the road he's not promising that he won't go browse. He swears it is deactivated. And he also said, which I did not like, "At the end of the day, what I do is my business. If I want to message someone, then I will. If I don't want to, then I won't." This is all just really weird.. this is unlike him. I asked him if he did want to be with me and he said yes. I've yet to get an apology. What a jerk. If you stick around, you're only going to feel worse.
Author Brunettie Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 RED FLAG #1, #2, and #3. WARNING. WARNING. Abort. What he does is his business? Oh OK, so THAT'S the way it works. If he wants to go shopping on dating website and entertain single women, it's cool. And he went on because he had concerns?? OK, so why didn't he COME TO YOU WITH THOSE CONCERNS? Why did he just automatically look to find something else?? He finds NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT HE'S DONE and that's why you have not and why YOU WILL NOT receive an apology for this. Unlike him? I'm willing to bet you don't even KNOW HIM. He did say he sees nothing wrong with it, that it is no big deal and that he feels like he did no breach of trust.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Easy to claim high-minded ideals, standards and "deal-breakers" when you're talking theory and when it's not you but someone else in the 9-month relationship. OP - read my advice in my last long post. Figure out why you had to make 19 help threads in 9 months of a relationship. There's something there.
KatZee Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 He did say he sees nothing wrong with it, that it is no big deal and that he feels like he did no breach of trust. Yep. If I were you my a.ss would be out of this relationship so fast. Especially with your past threads. But I'm getting the feeling from you that you will not leave, you will make excuses or think that YOU'RE the reason behind all the problems in this relationship. I've been there so I know how low it makes you feel, how insecure one can become. It's why I wasn't able to leave my ex. He did these exact same things, and wound up full on cheating on me. All while saying, "I love you but maybe we're not right together, I have some concerns, but I can't leave you." Classic waffler and I wasted THREE YEARS of my life on this joke of a human being. Don't do it to yourself. FIND SOMEONE WHO APPRECIATES YOU and someone who doesn't think it's perfectly fine to be looking for dates on the side. 3
ChessPieceFace Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Well first of all check your facts honey because I have been with this guy for a little over a month. Hi. Check YOUR facts. You're not the OP. Have a nice day. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Hi. Check YOUR facts. You're not the OP. Have a nice day. You never made a marking saying if you were addressing me or the OP, I will apologize though because I realized after I hit send that it wasn't be you were talking about. That doesn't change that you sound crazy bitter (I would know, I have been there, I am still there a little sometimes) it isn't controlling to ask the person your with to delete their profile, I didn't even have to ask my guy todelete it he said out of the blue after 3 dates "I deleted my OKC because you're the girl I am talking to and I don't want anyone else" if you love someone or even remotely care about them you don't scout out other women even when you hit a "rough patch" 1
ChessPieceFace Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Classic waffler and I wasted THREE YEARS of my life on this joke of a human being. Don't do it to yourself. Fine to cite your own experience, but not fine to extrapolate to EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP AND GUY based on your one experience. Sometimes relationships have problems. If they all came here for advice, no relationship would survive. They should just save people a ton of time reading 'advice' and pin a thread at the top of this forum: "Relationship problems? END IT!" it isn't controlling to ask the person your with to delete their profile It is controlling and also distrustful to dictate that they are not only going to delete it, but delete it right in front of you while you watch.
curlygirl40 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 This is all just really weird.. this is unlike him. I asked him if he did want to be with me and he said yes. I've yet to get an apology. Your comment: this is unlike him. Apparently this IS him. And you asked him if he wants to be with you? The real question is 'why do you want to be with him?'. You didn't get an apology because he's not sorry. You really need to move on. There's no ultimatum needed. Just a simple conversation that should go like this: 'You and I are looking for different things. I'm looking for a boyfriend, and you're not boyfriend material. Lose my number'. And then walk away and don't look back. 5
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Fine to cite your own experience, but not fine to extrapolate to EVERY OTHER RELATIONSHIP AND GUY based on your one experience. Sometimes relationships have problems. If they all came here for advice, no relationship would survive. They should just save people a ton of time reading 'advice' and pin a thread at the top of this forum: "Relationship problems? END IT!" It is controlling and also distrustful to dictate that they are not only going to delete it, but delete it right in front of you while you watch. Well that is the only way that I could move forward with him because he already completely broke my trust and would be lucky to not be dumped on the spot.
Janesays Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Why are you even still TALKING to this guy? I'd have deleted his number, blocked his email, and never spoken to him again when I first found the new and improved updated profile. Honestly, if you keep seeing him after this, you are a fool who deserves every single bit of heartaches that I PROMISE you will get! It's beneath your dignity to even give him a CHANCE to talk his way out of this! :mad: 3
truth_seeker Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 What do you mean he is working on me? He's lying to your face and cheating behind your back. Sleep with his best friend. 2
StarsOnFire Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 We talked about it on the phone a few minutes ago. He reiterated that it was because of his concerns, and that he's not been on there in a few weeks. Says he hadn't been on there, before the rough patch, in a very long time. He says that while he still has those concerns, they are fading. He said basically, it is what it is. If we have another rough patch down the road he's not promising that he won't go browse. He swears it is deactivated. And he also said, which I did not like, "At the end of the day, what I do is my business. If I want to message someone, then I will. If I don't want to, then I won't." This is all just really weird.. this is unlike him. I asked him if he did want to be with me and he said yes. I've yet to get an apology. Please don't keep yourself in this relationship. All it seems to be doing is stressing you out. What are you going to do, wait around until he dumps you for someone he meets online? He even told you he'll message people on there if he wants. You're thinking marriage, and he's thinking keeping options open. You're not on the same page at all in this relationship. Don't play his games, don't snoop. Just decide if you want to always wonder if your boyfriend is messaging other girls. Do you want to stay in a relationship with no trust and no security?
Drseussgrrl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Another thing. I caught a dude I was exclusive with for a few months on match and he had been "active within 24 hours". He gave me the same old song and dance when I confronted him. "Oh it sends me notifications". Yeah right. He's not stupid - he knew how to hide his profile if he wanted. A week after I dumped him, he was all over FB with some new girl. Gee - do you think he MET HER ON MATCH? He had probably been emailing her for weeks! LOL!
Treasa Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Believing someone's words when their actions speak otherwise is not terribly smart. You keep mentioning engagement rings and eternity rings, and you guys haven't even been together that long, nor have things been smooth, even in the beginning. Are you sure it's not security you want? You're letting him treat you like crap. Seriously, stop it. All of your past posts have me concerned that you'll end up how I was in my 20s, which was insecure, clingy, unhappy, etc. 1
MidwestUSA Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 How about being dumped off his FB profile pic? How many hints do you need? (I know, I know, the dreaded FB BS again)
Ruby Slippers Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Dump this loser before he dumps you. It's going to end either way - but you might save a little bit of dignity and spare yourself some pain if you take charge and make it happen. 3
ChessPieceFace Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Pfft you're posting again like you're the OP.
truth_seeker Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 What is there not to get?! For 9 months he has been playing her. She thinks they're exclusive; he plays along. He's been going after girls on the side while he has her in his back pocket. He is a player in the truest form: lying and cheating. As hard as it is OP, you need to muster up the courage to walk away from this scumbag and not look back. 1
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