ChrisC81 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 This is a letter I just wrote. Its been over 30 days NC, and no attempts from him to contact me. Please let me know your thoughts. I made this letter for me, but part of me wants to send it as well. I have changed him name for privacy reasons. Mike, I wanted to write because of the way things ended, and give myself peace and closure from this chapter in my life. I never envisioned our over 2 ½ year relationship together coming to an end, and especially in such the callous manner it did. In our time apart, I have gotten stronger each day. Once I pulled myself out of the emotional train wreck I was left in and accepted what was done, I began to see things for what they really were, and you for who you really are. When you left in the shocking way you did, I felt you discarded me and my children as trash. To rid your life so easily of the people who loved you the most, and so abruptly, to me seemed unfathomable and cruel. I have went over the whys and hows a million times in my head, only to realize that it doesn’t matter. I have consoled my daughter who cries for you and wants to call you, and I have remained as strong as possible to shield her from the pain she has also been plagued with. I understand people lose feelings, and things change. As your best friend, I would have appreciated it being brought to my attention, and given the respect for us to communicate and decide together to see if it was fixable, or agree to go our ways, since it affected both of our lives. Instead, I was left out of that discussion, and you decided on your own to selfishly walk away from everything we had together, and pursue other things without so much as a warning. Leaving is one thing, but to abandon all contact from someone who loved you and was with you everyday for years seems unusually cruel. I am sure you have justified your actions and felt for whatever reason that how you did it was proper. If that’s what you want to tell yourself to relieve any guilt you might feel, then feel free to continue to believe that. It takes 2 people to make a relationship work or fail. I will not blame you for our downfall, and I wont blame myself. A relationship is always going to have good times and bad, ups and downs. What makes a relationship last is when 2 people have an unconditional commitment to each other and strong communication, which I thought we had. I lost you somewhere, and I don’t know when, and I suppose I never will. We both got comfortable, and both should have put forth the effort to keep things alive. I was so secure in our love, I thought we were indestructible. This is where I failed, being too secure and believing in your reassurances that we had something that was going to last a life time. Your actions following the break up have made me realize things that I never would have known. I didn’t think you were capable of doing the things you have done, and now I see the person I was in love with was an illusion. I know that I am a kind hearted woman with a lot to offer the right person. Someone deserving of me. Someone who will stand by me through the difficult times, and come out of it with me stronger in the end. I have accepted that you are not that person, and you have other ideas of what you are looking for in a partner. As hard as it was for me to understand that, Now I have, and I have let the dreams and the future we had planned for us go. I have learned many things from us, and I will take them with me for the rest of my life. For that, I thank you. Best of luck Mike. I hope you find what you are looking for in life and in a partner. I always wanted the very best for you.
denxnis Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Keep it but don't send it, he doesn't care what you think right now. If he screwed you over for his own selfish reasons let his mind stray and don't give him the satisfaction of knowing how much you are thinking of him and how much you miss him. All this energy/effort put into a letter only confirms his decision and how much more you need him than vice versa. I was in the same EXACT shoes as you a few months ago, 6 year relationship, and if I could undo anything it's the times I made an effort to speak to her.
destroyed4sho Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Pls dont send it. He will just skim thru, perceive it as you blabbing and then go right to the end where you say good luck and thank you...He will be happy your over it with no hard feeligs and it will ease his guilt so he can sleep better at night.
SharkTooth Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Yeah, do not send this. You have to give it a week or so and read it again. There are over 50 "me, my, and I" written in there. That's what he'll see, you just thinking about you. I don't mean that in a bad way, just another angle.
Compromize Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 For the love of Pete don't send it!!!!! Keep it, burn it, shred it, blow it up but DO NOT SEND IT! You will regret sending it and the response you get (assuming you get one) is not the one you will want. NC says all that and more.
Author ChrisC81 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Thank you all for the comments. I won't send it, because you all seem so sure its the wrong move. I just thought it would show him he didn't break me, all while letting him know what I think of him in a polite manner. I would never expect a response from him, but I thought it would help me in some way. 1
Compromize Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) I have written "the letter" myself a couple of times. Actually sent a couple too (we had a tumultuous relationship) and received a couple. It's not really about them. It's about what YOU want to say to them. What YOU want them to hear. It's that way for us all when we write them. Whether it's to say goodbye when we don't want to or beg for them back it doesn't do any good (in my opinion/experience). The response it elicits is not the one we are all secretly hoping for; the knock on the door and the "I want you back, I can't live without you, what was I thinking" one. Wait until you can send one without any emotions (long down the road) or don't send any. You didn't get a goodbye from him in the form of a letter did you? Most likely it was by him leaving. You don't owe him any words at all. Don't waste your energy on him. I'm sorry you are hurting and very sorry your daughter is hurting. My kids were messed up by my ex just suddenly not being there too. They loved her. My youngest boy still thinks she is coming back (she broke up last year, same time frame, I chased and pleaded and got her back for a while). I don't want my kids to have to go through that ever again and I am sure you don't either. Edited March 20, 2013 by Compromize
sleeplessandsad Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I'm in the same situation as you...albeit, we are just in a break up. I am thinking of writing a letter for closure. Sometimes writing it out may help....I feel like the guy I was with has ADD or something....whenever we talk, he loses interest or just stops paying attention. I think writing it in a letter might help...but I agree with whats been said. He probably doesn't even care anymore and will feel better that you have moved on.
NapoleonNotSheep Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 If you want him to think about what he had with you then the best chance is NC. Because if you tell him how you feel and that your emotions are all melted for him then he will know that he can have you if he wants you and it will give him ego boost.
Wabisabi Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I came soooo close to writing a closure letter just now but thought about it and decided not to. I'm still not prepared for any negative response from him so it's best that I continue my NC...I wanted to salvage our friendship but then I keep thinking that he didn't want this friendship...or he'd have talked to me already but all he said to me was that he's moving to another place tomorrow.
Author ChrisC81 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 why do u think of him in a polite manner. Arent you angry that he left you and just walked away. Would you do that to a person who raped you or violated you ? These people are emotional rapists and they should be treated as such. If you dont feel anger, you are not there yet I only wanted to come across in the letter in a non-agressive way because showing anger shows I care. I didn't want to seem like he had that power over me. I would say though honestly, I am angry or at least getting there, but still overcome with sadness. So I am not sure what that means. I wish I was more angry than I am, and I should be.
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