Compromize Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I am getting tired of hope. I don't want it yet it hangs on like a bad cold. I don't think she is coming back and I refuse to chase her like I have so many times before. This is most likely really and truly the end I believe, since I am not chasing. I have asked the question of us working through things and her answer was I'm not ready to answer that question, which is in my opinion an answer. While I would like nothing more than for her to come back and things to work between us, I realize that it is a one in a million shot and probably closer to one in a billion if I am not chasing or initiating contact. I still only want her and don't have any interest in dating or a new relationship for the foreseeable future. I want to get through this on my own and learn\become a better man, father and potential partner. My question to you all is how do you go about killing the hope and not letting that hope effect you and the decisions you make? Any ideas or techniques or any prolific thoughts on this? I love this woman with everything I have it's so freaking hard not to see her\talk to her, but the reality of the situation is what it is. Just looking for some good ideas here folks. 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I don't know that you can...hope springs eternal.
McGriff Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Man, if I knew the answer, I'd be rich! The ONLY thing I can put my money on, is that NC slowly, painfully, strangles hope over time. That or death, and no one wants to think about that. Hope is generally a good thing, except in dealing with past loves I guess...
McGriff Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Oh, I forgot...the other thing that would be best case scenario, is the possibility of meeting somebody better and getting married and living happily ever after...
Author Compromize Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 What she did was to satisfy her own selfish desires, her love was never true or unconditional. it came with all ifs and buts. She probably thought she loves you if and only if you did so and so. She tested you all the time. Dont forget any of those little things that annoyed you about her. Keep trying to tell myself this man. Stop chasing and relax. if she wants you, she will be back. until then do your thang That is what I am doing, well trying to do! I wish my thang wasn't so damn monotonous! I don't really think she is coming back. My mind says that at least but my heart is a stubborn son-of-a b. The ONLY thing I can put my money on, is that NC slowly, painfully, strangles hope over time. I think it does but I haven't got near enough time in the NC saddle yet for this little devil to even come close to death. But I think you are right on the money! At least it's a near impossibility that we will run into each other and have totally different circles of friends. Oh, I forgot...the other thing that would be best case scenario, is the possibility of meeting somebody better and getting married and living happily ever after... Yes but for that to happen I actually have to be in the right frame of mind and I have a ways to go before I let another woman back in. Not going to put myself through this again. Thanks for the kind words gentlemen!
TaraMaiden Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 HOPE: I say this a lot: "There's no 'i' in team, and all 'hope' contains, is a big fat 'zero'." Pandora famously and unwittingly released all the furies, ills and evils of the world, when she opened the box consigned to her trust.... she slammed the lid shut to prevent further damage, but only one thing remained in the box: HOPE. However, if you read and mark the story well, it relates how the box contained ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world - not ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world except one.... so 'Hope’ is actually just as much a negative as the rest of them. This is why the word 'hope' is so often preceded by the word 'false'..... Hope does nothing but leave a Hole in your heart, and make it bleed longer. As Dante famously put it: 'Abandon All Hope ye who enter here'. Pretty appropriate, really.... Oh, I forgot...the other thing that would be best case scenario, is the possibility of meeting somebody better and getting married and living happily ever after... No, it wouldn't be a best-case scenario, and I'll tell you why. because there is no such thing as a 'happily ever after'. There IS such a thing as "Happy a lot of the time, a bit pissed off at others, damn well fed up occasionally, contented generally, and wistful of a single life again, more often than one would care to admit". I don't understand why people are entrenched in the belief that the only way to be happy is to find someone (else) to love. Surely, the best way to achieve happiness is to relish, accept and enjoy time alone? People grieve, spend time getting over an ex, go through thwe whole gamut of emotions relevant to such a procedure - then figure on meeting someone new, dating again, 'is this a rebound?' type of stuff. Very few people ever think to themselves (or out loud, even!) "You know what? I'm going to spend some time on my own - doing the things I want to do - going places I want to see, indulging in pastimes I want to indulge in, going to bed when i want, getting up when I want, shopping when I want, watching whatever TV I want to watch, vegging, eating what I want, when I want and where I want - and getting used to being me again. What a great idea - I might even have a go at doing something 'outside my comfort zone' just to say, why the hell not?!" people really need to know how great being on your own, can be. because 'alone' doesn't have to mean 'lonely'. And sometimes, even when feeling lonely, the answer isn't to find a new SO. The answer is to understand why loneliness is such an issue.... 2
Author Compromize Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) Very few people ever think to themselves (or out loud, even!) "You know what? I'm going to spend some time on my own - doing the things I want to do - going places I want to see, indulging in pastimes I want to indulge in, going to bed when i want, getting up when I want, shopping when I want, watching whatever TV I want to watch, vegging, eating what I want, when I want and where I want - and getting used to being me again. What a great idea - I might even have a go at doing something 'outside my comfort zone' just to say, why the hell not?!" people really need to know how great being on your own, can be. Thank you TaraMaiden. This is what I am trying to do. I have seen your post on Pandora's Box and hope before, and it rings true in my situation. alone doesn't have to mean 'lonely'. And sometimes, even when feeling lonely, the answer isn't to find a new SO. The answer is to understand why loneliness is such an issue.... The last time my ex broke up with me, I did the whole "dating" thing. Not many dates, for only about 3 weeks or so, and it made it WORSE. It was akin to pouring milk in my gas tank in place of actual gas. Plain and simple, it just didn't work. I also hurt (well really just wasted their time) 2 lovely women in the process. I want to get to the point of being comfortable being single and alone and not be lonely. I guess one of the hardest parts for me is the amount of time my ex and I had apart was literally around 90% of our entire relationship. I was very much looking forward to nights together, sleeping in the same bed, waking up to her. I was lonely for her and put my "hope" (that word again ) in our future living together, being an actual couple. But alas, it isn't so. Now I am lonely again but the "hope" (argh!) is a different hope of even getting back to the point where I had the old "hope". This is fu**ing exhausting!! I am learning/trying/failing/succeeding to be alone and be happy with it and accept things for the way they are. I can't change everything no matter how hard I may try. I tried very hard to make her happy. I would have never stopped trying. Loneliness is just a state of mind. I am working on changing it. Physical intimacy....well that is a whole different story. I miss that. (Hope, you are one dead bastard if I can get my hands around your scrawny little neck.....!!) Edited March 20, 2013 by Compromize
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