Breaking NC, completely looking bad doing it. Some salvaging going on.

[garnettandblack84]

So, I was in a LD relationship for over a year, was in the midst of moving there, and it was called off 2 weeks before to me moving there. It has been almost 2 months now, and things had been going better. I then found out she started dating a guy 2 weeks after the break up. Now, I was so hurt by the lack of honesty in the situation that I kind of lost my ****. I had been very cordial up until then, and moving on fairly well. Then come to this weekend and St Patty's day. I go out with a bunch of friends, we all get really drunk and they all get in my mind how bad ofa person she is, etc. I proceed to go home and write a very mean e mail, letting every ounce of anger in my being go. I immediately feel like a piece of **** for the next two days. This was some very mean stuff I said, and that isn't who I am at all. Personal attacks that should never be said no matter how upset I am. Well, the new BF messages me on facebook and basically tells me if I had ever loved and cared about her I wouldn't be in this situation, calls me a low life POS, to stop contacting her with these desperate ******* messages, etc. All things that I completely understand, as I already felt like that. I wrote him back saying I was an immature and childish *******, and I was merely wanting her to know that she can't get away with the way she treated me. I didn't get into any details of our relationship with him, and just left it as I will not contact her again and life goes on. He then wrote back to thank me for the message and semi apologizing for the harsh things he had to say, then giving me life advice on not getting even and belittling people. I had completely moved on from the idea of ever getting back with her, or that she was even the right person for me. Something about going behind my back, and being dishonest hurt me the most. Should I have sent the e mail, absolutely not. My dilemna now is I am not at all that type of person to belittle and be mean to people, I try and be uplifting and mindful of feelings. I did apologize to him, but I have her blocked and have not apologized to her. I told him I would not contact her, and I feel like there is no reason to apolgize to her now that I worked it out with him. That is the right thing to do in the situation right? Just let go, and move on. The ship has already sailed and the damage was done. Now I need to work on my issues, and try to become a better person. I do feel horrible for being cruel to her, but she has not at all been nice to emotionally throughout the break up. So, is there any point in apologizing to her and will that undermine any type of dignity I saved for my self with the communications with the new BF, or am I still needing to apologize to her?

[Kenji]

Let it go. No apology is necessary.

[veggirl]

Im sure her bf already showed her your follow up email where you explained yourself. You don't need to do it personally.

[MushyPeas]

I don't think you should contact her, chances are she wont reply and that'll make you feel like crap.

 

Just put it down to you letting the situation get the better of you and honestly, we've all done it so no biggie. I'm sure she knows that's not you, so it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of what was said, her newbie, friends, or whoever else sticks their nose in, so not important to you.

 

It happened, you regret it, learn from it.

[georgia girl]

If you apologize, apologize through him. Something simple like, "I just wanted (her name) to know that I am aware that I hurt her badly and I am sorry for the pain that I have caused. If you want to share that with her, I would be grateful, but I also understand if it's better to just let it go. So, if that's what you decide, that's fine by me."

 

Then, truly let it go but learn one lesson: don't EVER hit send in a fit of anger. A friend once told me, "I never regret it when I'm nice. I almost always regret it when I'm not."

 

Relationships end. There are no contracts in dating, either. So, quite frankly, she was absolutely free to date anyone she wanted within moments of breaking up with you. It hurts because we are human and we love and are vulnerable to this kind of hurt. Sorry to be harsh, but adults manage that hurt without lashing out. Regardless of her behavior (or your take on her behavior), your sole responsibility is to manage your own actions.

 

Not to beat you up about it as you sound like you feel badly, but please avoid that mistake in the future. It really isn't okay to vent your anger. People get themselves in all sorts of bad positions when they allow their emotions to rule their heads. Don't be one of those people.