AnotherRound Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Yes another round, she did have a rough go which is why I didn't freak on her. I think she does need someone. H has never cheated or been dishonest before. That's why when I found the deletes I was mad. No accident on deletions because at first her name stayed and content was deleted then everything was deleted and I found out through phone bill. I feel that there is both going on. Him being helpful in a too flirty way and her sucking up attention she missing. But she is also doing it very flirty. Would you do a dirty dance standing in front of your uncle and grinding?? He's seated but I was in kitchen. I know she didn't mean anything but she has difficulty with appropriateness. Am I making excuses for them??? Oh, okay... well, yeah, that's beyond an appropriate boundary. I guess for me, I would be upset with her, but also realize that she probably doesn't know how to handle appropriate male attention maybe? Maybe in her mind, that's the only way she has ever related to men? I feel badly for her, especially if your H has not been very clear with her about his role in her life, as she sounds like she is searching for a male role model - and sounds like she needs a healthy one. I don't think you are making excuses - if it bothers you, it needs to be addressed. I just wonder where she is coming from - how much age difference is there between them? She sounds young? I would expect him to keep the boundaries clear since he is the older, and hopefully more mature, adult - and since she has had a rough go and may not know how to relate to him in any other way? It sounds messed up for sure and I hope that you all get it sorted soon - for everyone's sake. I hope that your H has been appropriate - and if there was any inappropriate behaviors or communication that it wasn't him and that he firmly, yet gently, put a stop to it. Maybe that way she can learn how to interact appropriately with healthy male attention - if that is the problem.
2sunny Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Why don't you retrieve the texts? Google retreiving deleted texts.
Author hurt and betrayd Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Been trying for last hour to get those texts back. I think I'm gonna buy a sim card reader. This will tell me everything.
AnotherRound Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I really hope that if you can read those texts that your H did not take advantage of your niece. I know she is an adult, but I agree with you that it is/was his responsibility to set the tone for their relationship. Maybe you will just find that she was inappropriate and he told her to stop... I really hope that is what happened if anyone was inappropriate. I am sorry that you are dealing with this... and I am so hoping it all turns out to be nothing (well, nothing more than what you already know). 1
Author hurt and betrayd Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Thank you, It helped to talk. I'm a tough little bitch, and in love I it's my way or the highway....always has been and will continue to be...........One way or another
Darren Steez Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Thank you, It helped to talk. I'm a tough little bitch, and in love I it's my way or the highway....always has been and will continue to be...........One way or another except it isn't you told him no contact, he went and did it anyway..and hid it. You're fairly smart and clued up. You know your husband well and straight away knew what was going on and called him out on it. It may not be physical cheating but it certainly is emotional. You've told him to stop and he hasn't/doesn't want to. No consequences for his actions, so currently it's his way and you're trying to work around it. A bigger question is raised once you know someone has the capacity to act on an attraction. If not your niece, how about the waitress who winked at him at the restaurant. thing is he's making himself available to deceit. Now you're reduced to questioning everything, snooping around, checking after him. You know they are texting each other..why don't you call up your niece and tell her in no uncertain tones to stop texting, your husband is not her friend or her buddy she can talk to about boyfriends, or call just to chat to. It's not your way because you haven't put your foot down. 2
2sunny Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Where is she now? And what was the reason he gave you for her returning that day? Did you ask her why she didn't call you to come visit - instead asking your H?
Author hurt and betrayd Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Ya Sunny that's part of what gets to me. Since the beginning.....even before he started acting dumb (actually long time before he started) she ALWAYS texted him. I told him but my mistake was not telling her anything. We had just met her and I didn't want her to say that her aunts a jealous bitch. I guess I really wanted a niece. I have no children and we have always had OUR nieces and nephew very close with us. We half raised at least 3 of them. I never said anything to her the day she came. A long time had passed since we had seen her and I was prepared to let it all go. But then came the arm in arm thing. The next morning she left...I think she felt it from me. That's the day the snooping started and hasn't stopped since. He is now at his family and will stay there until I say. He is gone with only the clothes on his back. 1
2sunny Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Sand S - He did do something's wrong. He lied, was sneaky and betrayed the Op. his bond to the OW shows he probably cheated physically as well as emotionally. Consequences are good for bad behavior. What did he say when he left? Did you ask him to leave or did he go on his own choice? 1
Author hurt and betrayd Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Ok so let me clarify, lol. I didn't throw him out..he has some business with his family out of town. I was supposed to go with him but didn't want to. He's waiting for me to pick him up..Which I was supposed to do today but I told him give me a day or too....He's kissing up but I want him to suffer a bit. I talked to my mother about it today. She said she will discuss with my sister and then have my sister deal with her own daughter.. My niece did call her mother and ask her what is wrong with me....really like she has no idea that she is doing something wrong. Anyway I have dealt with husband and am now going to let my sister handle her daughter 1
2sunny Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Seriously? She's doing the "innocent me" damage control... And your H is "kissing up" for the same reasons - some call it "overcompensating" because they know they are hiding stuff you aren't supposed to find out. Did you get the texts retrieved yet? You need them!!! 2
Author hurt and betrayd Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 I'm waiting for the equipment to come in. Also waiting to see what she will tell my sister, but either way I have to find out what they said so I can put my mind to rest
ComingInHot Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Sunny After reading your responses, you are my new Hero! I'm w/you and I hope OP follows your advice* Hurt & Betrayed, Instead of just hanging in there, keep charging ahead in control of Your life & future.*
2sunny Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I'm waiting for the equipment to come in. Also waiting to see what she will tell my sister, but either way I have to find out what they said so I can put my mind to rest If it were me - I wouldn't allow him to return until i had the equipment to check the texts - process everything - and make a decision about how to proceed. He can stay in a hotel for a week if he needs to. I'm glad you're staying strong! 1
2sunny Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Sunny After reading your responses, you are my new Hero! I'm w/you and I hope OP follows your advice* Hurt & Betrayed, Instead of just hanging in there, keep charging ahead in control of Your life & future.* Me? Ahahaha! Thanks!
Author hurt and betrayd Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Wow can't stand either one of them...Just when I think I'm feeling better...BANG want to kill them both...not really kill lol ......just mame lol
2sunny Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 If there wasn't anything to hide - he wouldn't have deleted her texts.
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