misswillow Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I'm convinced that my ex has ADHD. He fits all the criteria when I read about it online, and he even told me that he had looked into it and is convinced he has it too. I think that it may have led to some of our problems in our relationship. I am the opposite end of the spectrum...very organized, responsible, reliable, etc. So I would sometimes get frustrated with him, and he would in turn feel like I expected too much of him and was too hard on him. Has anyone been in a relationship with someone with ADHD? Did you find it difficult? Did you feel like it was a factor in your breakup (if you in fact broke up)?
sweetkiwi Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Yes. One ex has adult ADHD. He was extremely argumentative and hyper. Coupled with his verbal then physical abuse it was entirely too much to handle.
Amelie1980 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 One of my female friends has it. She has fallen out with someone at all of her last few jobs and its never her fault, always theirs. She has also fallen out with several close friends of which I'm the most recent...she's rude aggressive and vicious with little provocation 1
travelonic Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 ...and its never her fault, always theirs. I don't think the " its never her fault, always theirs" actually has to do with ADHD itself. 2
Amelie1980 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I don't think the " its never her fault, always theirs" actually has to do with ADHD itself. I might. they might.be unaware of their role in it or their behaviour.
coltsfan1 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I have ADHD, not bad but I have it. I am successful in work, friendships and family, however it took a lot longer for me to mature than most other people I believe.....
yessy21 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Unfortunatley i have it. sometimes... my bf will talk to me and i just shut off completley... unintentionally... just because i saw a piece of dust flying in the air. or i will start daydreaming... or ill notice something on the floor and its shape will completley take my attention enough that i would have to tell the person to repeat themselves.
Chi townD Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Can't really weigh in here. Because I done ha......LOOK! SHINEY STUFF!!! Sorry....bad joke. . Well, if you think he has it, fine. What's more important is for him is that HE realizes he has it. The first rule in fixing a problem is realizing there is one. He needs to seek professional help to diagnose whether he actually has it or not. Then, you both (if you're still together?) can tackle the issues. Now, I realize that you're organized and everything has a place and everything in it's time. But, if you're with him, you're going to have to bend a little and realize that he actually has a condition that has gone uncontrolled for quite some time. And something that was BEYOND his control. It isn't his fault. Im sure no one has ever asked for his condition. It is what it is. As much as it may frustrate you, you have to take a step back and take a deep breath and realize that this isn't his fault. And just remember the good things about him. The things that drew you to him in the first place. If you love him, then it shouldn't be a question on whether you can help and support him through the tough times and getting through treatment.
Author misswillow Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Thanks for the advice. There's not really much I can do now, as we are broken up, and I'm in the "trying to figure out why" phase. We had talked about this while we were still together, and there was no doubt in his mind that he had ADHD. I tried to be as understanding as possible, but sometimes things would get to me. I suggested that he maybe try seeing someone, but he wouldn't even go to the dentist, so getting him to go to a therapist or psychiatrist was impossible. Anyway, just trying to put the pieces together, although I probably should not be doing that anyway.
cmoney Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 As someone who has the condition and is in the mental health field, relationships can be very difficult with someone with this disorder. We are usually perceived as lazy, unmotivated, and immature. I'm currently taking Adderall and it is a tremendous help. I can admit that I can be defensive about my behavior and it's something that I am working on. Divorce rates with individuals diagnosed with this condition are high. Additionally, in adults, it often presents like bipolar disorder. That could account for his mood swings.
Author misswillow Posted March 21, 2013 Author Posted March 21, 2013 Interesting, thanks for the insight. Although I know I can't really diagnose him, it was so obvious he had it. And he often felt like a failure because he could not seem to accomplish certain things that he wanted to. He always had a new plan that he was going to work harder, be more responsible, save more money, etc. But he could never really do it, but I understand it wasn't laziness, just his disorder (although I probably wasn't understanding enough some of the time). He always said he was attracted to my organization and reliability, but I think these differences caused some problems with us. He was so hyperfocused on me for a while, which was the best feeling, but it didn't last forever unfortunately.
J_L_C Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 OMG yes! My ex-boyfriend has ADHD and it drove me NUTS!! Funny thing is that I have ADHD too but OMG he was way worse. He couldn't stay focused for one bloody second. He was always on-the-go and it really wore on me. He very rarely sat down and even during a movie he'd have to get up a million times. He calls him a successful "multi-tasker" but its such a problem because he's not satisfied unless he's doing many things all at once. I'm getting anxious just thinking about it! We would have conversations and when I'd ask him to repeat what I said he couldn't! He NEVER remembered anything I ever told him and he'd always ask me the same bloody questions. And EVERYTHING was ALWAYS all about HIM. He could never take the attention away from himself because he was so in his head!!!
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