ToyStoryThree Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I hate to keep coming back to these forums to moan and whine but..I'm really struggling, and to be honest I feel like I'm going mad. I'm 7 days NC, after an attempt at being friends for the last few months that didn't work due to clashes. Broke up about three months ago. Don't have her on anything, don't have her number - (well I did, but I had to delete it because I saw a status that upset me, it indicated that she might be 'talking to' someone else) etc. I'm just really, REALLY struggling. I know I haven't felt like this about anyone, it's been three months and I still am not over her - I'm usually over people by this time. This is very different and a very different feeling to what I've experienced before.. We've agreed to be friends possibly in the future but...I feel like I need to talk to her? Not in a desperate 'I want you back' way, just a level conversation. This is driving me mad. I should be over her by now.
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 If you agreed to be friends in the future, then you will never get over her. You will keep waiting for that day in the future. Accept the fact that its well and truly over, the sooner you do this the better it is for you. You dont need to talk to her about anything. you need to text her saying you are finished thinking about her and that you can never be friends. this will give you a degree of closure from which you can build on getting over her. You will get over her the day you stop thinking she was special or the relationship was special. Just understand that if the relaltionship was so special, she would there next to you and you wouldnt be posting on here You're right. You're absolutely right. I sit and think how we're going to meet, what I'm going to say, etc etc etc - in actual fact all it will do is open all these wounds again, and I'll be back here again.
MushyPeas Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Don't feel bad about coming here, it's a great place to vent, just typing up all these thoughts you're having is a good release for you It's that basic contact that you become so used to and when that suddenly stops it's understandable to feel this panic that you need to contact her, but you don't. It's now been 2 weeks since i last saw/spoke to the ex and I'm feeling so much better, I don't have the urge to contact him because hey, that'll do no good, it will only hurt me and set me back which you acknowledge will happen to you aswell. It will get better, so what if it's taken you a little longer, you've basically only just started NC which is always hard! There's also no "I should be over her by now", just go easy on yourself! It's gonna take time to adjust to this change, (I'm making you sound like you're menopausal trolo) but you will get there Just think, next week you'll be super glad you didn't message her and even if you think you're making no progress, NC in itself is progress so go with it! 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) Don't feel bad about coming here, it's a great place to vent, just typing up all these thoughts you're having is a good release for you It's that basic contact that you become so used to and when that suddenly stops it's understandable to feel this panic that you need to contact her, but you don't. It's now been 2 weeks since i last saw/spoke to the ex and I'm feeling so much better, I don't have the urge to contact him because hey, that'll do no good, it will only hurt me and set me back which you acknowledge will happen to you aswell. It will get better, so what if it's taken you a little longer, you've basically only just started NC which is always hard! There's also no "I should be over her by now", just go easy on yourself! It's gonna take time to adjust to this change, (I'm making you sound like you're menopausal trolo) but you will get there Just think, next week you'll be super glad you didn't message her and even if you think you're making no progress, NC in itself is progress so go with it! You're right, coming here is an excellent release, it really is. You always think NC is hard but what's the alternative? Talking to them and being buried under a whole wave of negative feelings? Erm....no thanks! Day 8 NC today...I do miss her, but I wouldn't want her to contact me. There'd be no point. Edited March 20, 2013 by ToyStoryThree
Wabisabi Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Just hang in there...on my 7th day NC I felt really awful but now on the 9th day I'm ok. Still some ups and downs but I'm much better. It's great to come to this forum and just vent and share experiences or try to focus on helping someone else here because I notice when I focus on others, I see my problem being more and more insignificant. 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Just hang in there...on my 7th day NC I felt really awful but now on the 9th day I'm ok. Still some ups and downs but I'm much better. It's great to come to this forum and just vent and share experiences or try to focus on helping someone else here because I notice when I focus on others, I see my problem being more and more insignificant. That's so true! Reading all these other posts makes you realise that so many people are going through the exact same and you're not alone at all. May I ask, 9 days NC? How long were you together?
Wabisabi Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 That's so true! Reading all these other posts makes you realise that so many people are going through the exact same and you're not alone at all. May I ask, 9 days NC? How long were you together? We were in a relationship for 3 months but I've known him for 10 years. 10 years of friendship and now we're nothing but a memory...
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 We were in a relationship for 3 months but I've known him for 10 years. 10 years of friendship and now we're nothing but a memory... Really? Wow. That is truly awful, I'm sorry to hear that. Still, good on you for keeping to NC.
Wabisabi Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Really? Wow. That is truly awful, I'm sorry to hear that. Still, good on you for keeping to NC. Yup, we had a lot of chemistry and it took us a long time to have the courage to admit our feelings and start a relationship(too many things to consider). In the end he told me he doesn't love me anymore out of the blue. That's why it's kinda hard for me to let go so easily but I know it's the right thing to do. It's like purging yourself from an addiction. You gotta go through phases but you'll be clean one day if you persist.
Am4Real Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 It's like purging yourself from an addiction. You gotta go through phases but you'll be clean one day if you persist. I agree with you, it's just that the path getting there is so miserable isn't it? Ughhhhhh.... All the best, Am4Real
KS11 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 We were in a relationship for 3 months but I've known him for 10 years. 10 years of friendship and now we're nothing but a memory... Hi Wabisabi, Sorry to hear you're going through a horrible time, you sound like you have things under control, which is more than I can say for myself...so I was wondering how you do it?! I, like you, was friends with my ex first for a few years until we finally gave things ago, but ended as she said as much as her head wants to, her heart doesn't love me. I've been just over a month NC, and just finding it awful. I don't how to deal with the loss of the friendship more than anything. I just miss her everyday so much. Trying to block out the memories and accepting that we're now strangers to each other is so hard! Stupidly, there's still some part of me that thinks this is the wrong thing to be doing, it doesnt feel right to have lost the friendship...
Wabisabi Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I agree with you, it's just that the path getting there is so miserable isn't it? Ughhhhhh.... All the best, Am4Real It IS a wild roller-coaster ride!! Hi Wabisabi, Sorry to hear you're going through a horrible time, you sound like you have things under control, which is more than I can say for myself...so I was wondering how you do it?! I, like you, was friends with my ex first for a few years until we finally gave things ago, but ended as she said as much as her head wants to, her heart doesn't love me. I've been just over a month NC, and just finding it awful. I don't how to deal with the loss of the friendship more than anything. I just miss her everyday so much. Trying to block out the memories and accepting that we're now strangers to each other is so hard! Stupidly, there's still some part of me that thinks this is the wrong thing to be doing, it doesnt feel right to have lost the friendship... Hey you know what? I'm still struggling every single day since we broke up. NC is not making it easier. Like I said, it's a wild roller-coaster ride. One moment I'd be totally fine and the next I'd be shedding tears. But you know what helps? It's consciously being aware of your thoughts, actions and the consequences of your actions on a moment to moment basis. Like when I feel the strong urge to break NC, I'm aware of it and I'll start to think of what are the possible consequences of breaking NC, the good and the bad. And when I think of the possible bad, I know I won't be able to face them and it'll hurt me more so in that way I consciously stop myself. Like you, I don't want to lose this friendship. 10 years is a long time and we share so many important people and events in our lives. Perhaps one day we'll be friends again but right now when the break up is still fresh, him and I won't be able to act as though we've never been intimate and go back to being good friends. It'll only be awkward and there'll be expectations. So I'll keep distance for now. When the urge comes to break NC, I try to hold that urge as long as possible, telling myself that I'll wait another day, and another day, and... I know this will work out in time because I had 2 past relationships where I was dumped(yeah poor me bleh... ) and I went on NC for years. Later, we met again and now they're both my friends and I feel perfectly neutral with them. No expectation and no more hard feelings. What we have now is pure friendship, no intimacy and we don't talk about our past relationship or what went wrong but good enough as friends. Not as carefree perhaps like before our relationships but wouldn't you agree that it's better than being total stranger forever? Give yourself time. Time heals everything, I know it to be true based on my past experiences. I'm hurting bad but I go on with life knowing my sadness will pass. All things are impermanent and have an expiry date. Be consciously aware of this, it'll help us tremendously. When you feel like losing it, come to this forum haha...I do this every day to help myself.
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