acg3802 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I decided to post here because I truly have no one to talk to and the heart ache is killing me. It's been forever, 1yr & 7m, since my daughters father and I split up and it still hurts like it was yesterday. Why hasn't it ended? I've had good days here and there but mostly a never ending ache in my chest. We were together 10 years and i adored him but he never,ever put me or his daughter first and was soooo selfish. This was suppose to be a break and we would work on things...but nothing. I limited my contact with him from the beginning because it hurt to bad to talk to him and ignorance is better. We only talked about my daughter. So I unknowingly did do NC but I guess he was doing it too because nothing else from him either. I wasted all this time hoping he would do something amazing like tell me he loved me and wanted to work on getting back together....but nothing! A few days ago something happened to him and he called me because he needed someone to talk to. I lost it and let him know how bad he hurt me and how sometimes I just close my eyes and could die from the heartache. He said he wants to be friends. NEVER!! It has hit me like a bolt that i have been such a fool. He has moved on and could careless about me or my heartache. I need to find an end to this pain. I'm the fool hurting and he didn't even think twice about loosing me or his family. I have spent days on the computer looking for the magic answer. I have read a mountain of books. Stay super busy, I have prayed, meditated, you name it i tried it. Nothing has helped. I know I need to decide to stop this and shut down the pity show. I need to stop the pain, I need to stop the negative thoughts...but how? they creep in all the time.. I hope sharing this with someone, something other then my notebook will get me there. I think I will be spending alot of time on this website..Thanks.....
MushyPeas Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 This is a really horrible situation to be in, you need to focus on the fact that like you said, he was selfish, he never put you or your daughter first and try to hold on to this in some way, you are better off without someone who doesn't make the effort for not only you, but his daughter. Obviously I understand there are things that will have been lovely in your relationship, but holding onto those memories at this point isn't going to help, you need to feel a bit of anger towards him and how he has acted because you really do deserve better than this, without this affecting the relationship he has with his daughter of course. Keep your mind distracted, instead of looking for the answer online, which means you are still at that point thinking about the whole situation, go out and do completely different things with your daughter or friends/family. The time you've been spending hoping he'll say the magic words has been wasted because you should have been building yourself back up, easy to see in hindsight I know but at least you know now? Think where you want to be in 6 months time, definitely not still waiting around for him... so set things in motion for yourself. 1
georgia girl Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Simple steps to help you move on: 1) Plan something nice for yourself. Give yourself a treat. When I was heartbroken, I had a little treat I could give myself everyday: a bubble bath. I went through a ton of 'em, but it helped to have something to look forward to in my lowest moments. 2) Surround yourself with family and friends. Heartache wants you to isolate yourself. When you're isolated, there is nothing to stop you from brooding and mourning. People who make time to brood and mourn everyday have a much, much longer healing time. Limit that time and you speed up healing. 3) Engage in something new. If you've always wanted to take a class, learn a skill, volunteer, whatever. Get involved now. Staying busy with something new focuses your mind on learning new things. Your mind is therefore too occupied to brood and mourn. 4) Go on a date. Normally, I wouldn't tell someone to date right away, but it's been awhile for you. It's time for you to start seeing yourself with another partner. The first one you date is not going to be "the one," I can nearly guarantee it. But, it helps you see the next person you date as more of a partner. We all have a need for love and comfort in our lives. When that love and comfort is missing, we miss it as much or more as the person we have fixated on providing it to us. This will give you more options for love and comfort. 5) Read. Either online or at your local library about healing and setting new emotional boundaries. Don't read anything about getting your Ex back. Those things hold you hostage where you are right now. Read instead about how to move on. 6) GET EXERCISE. Want to feel happier? Want the "drug" that love gives you? It's endorphins. You can have access to all of the endorphins you want by getting out and getting exercise. A little "sweat equity" is a great healer. My best wishes. You will heal and you will love again. But WANT to. Move on from fixating over him to find your future. 1
IfiKnewThen Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 have you guys spoken since you broke up other than recently? because people with kids i think have a harder time moving forward because you have to be in contact and the hope lingers, when u get to be in contact with them. so wondering whats the contact been like overall for the past year and 7 months?
Author acg3802 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 It was so nice to see someone actually read my post...and responded. Thank You!!!! I feel better..at least for today. I honestly have not discussed any of this with anyone. My few friends/family have their own drama. I feel like this will help. I've been off track for a while now but I think I'm really, really on the right track now. Thanks for reminding me that i have to remember the bad times, how awful he was and how unhappy I was. I have to remember that I would still be miserable if I was with him because he was never gonna change. Also, I do have to relax on finding a way to stop the pain because by looking for the answer I remind myself of it every day. We are very civil because of our daughter and the only reason I contact him is if we have to discuss her. In the beginning it was to hard for me to talk or see him so I avoided it at all cost. I will admit there were a few occasions that my daughter had a function and all 3 of us hung out and I would be so happy after thinking it was a step to working things out but then nothing would happen. I have been in this self induced limbo hoping we could work things out, scared to date in case he decided he wanted me, waiting for him to do something which i always truly knew he would never do. I now know I have prolonged my healing and continued to hurt because of my waiting....this limbo. And I'm sooooo mad at myself. I have been doing pretty good with trying everything on all the "how to get over a breakup" lists. My daughter keeps me very busy but I need to find a little more me time. The only one on the lists I haven't tried is DATING.. And that's a whole other issue.... Now that I know without a doubt that there is no chance for us I have to pull myself together and move on. I'm thinking maybe helping others on this site would be helpful. Thanks for reading my ramblings.....
MushyPeas Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I'm so glad you feel better just take each day at a time, try not to look too far ahead of you. Remember that feeling of kicking yourself when you realised that you'd only been setting yourself back, use it to your advantage so you don't have to feel like that again. So pleased you're getting things on track for you !!
Author acg3802 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 I feel bad saying this but its true..... knowing others are going threw the same pain and reading their stories has helped a bit. Misery loves company. I really don't have friends or family to confide in. I have to get threw this on my own but now that I know I can vent here is nice. So we shall see what tomorrow brings. It truly meant a lot that ya'll responded to me. Thanks again.
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