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is there ever a right time to check the ex's facebooK?

ItxWillxGetxBetter

By ItxWillxGetxBetter
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ItxWillxGetxBetter Established Member

ItxWillxGetxBetter

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ok...so i'm about almost 6 months out of a relationship with my ex. I think i'm over it but not too sure. Anyhow, I have this strong urge to check her facebook to see what she has been up to. I was just curious. I havent done it as I figured that I might want to consult the LS experts first. Not sure why i want to do it. Maybe its to check my progress and to determine how far i've come and if in fact I am over my ex. Since we broke up I deleted my facebook account and have NEVER tempted fate by trying to see what she has been up to. Never had the desire to nor did I ever want to. Now...I kind of do. Again, not sure really why? Thoughts?

aeren944 Established Member

aeren944

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Keep saying no to yourself, man. I don't know how serious you guys were or anything, but your curiosity doesn't need to succeed at the cost of a possible blow to your self-esteem or "recovery" from the relationship.

 

I'm only saying this out of experience, really. I was checked my ex's Facebook a few times, once after being apart for like 9 months, and it STILL freaking stung. Just a word of warning. Again, I don't know your situation, but if there's a chance it will mess you up, you might wanna play it safe and have your curiosity chill out.

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Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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Keep saying no to yourself, man. I don't know how serious you guys were or anything, but your curiosity doesn't need to succeed at the cost of a possible blow to your self-esteem or "recovery" from the relationship.

 

I'm only saying this out of experience, really. I was checked my ex's Facebook a few times, once after being apart for like 9 months, and it STILL freaking stung. Just a word of warning. Again, I don't know your situation, but if there's a chance it will mess you up, you might wanna play it safe and have your curiosity chill out.

 

agreed ^. the fact that you're contemplating it, and not sure how it will effect you, is not a good sign. wait another 6 months maybe, or when you have a new gf and are in love or something. i don't think now's the time.

 

 

that being said, i'm not as strong willed in that regard. like an idiot i checked for both my last 2 exes quite frequently. i will say this: once you see that your ex is with someone new, and after the initial shock/anxiety emotions start to dissipate, i think in a way it's helped bring me closure and let go. i know that when i hadn't seen anything bad, i always thought in the back of my mind 'well maybe she regrets her decision, and isn't doing so well, and thinking about me, etc etc'. but when you see them with their new SO, and happy living life, while it's devestating, it's like ok, i can let go of hope now. i've dealt with seeing the worst, now at least i KNOW that she's moved on.

 

i dunno, maybe i'm just sick/deranged lol

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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I think i'm over it but not too sure.

If you are not sure you are over the relationship, it is still too soon...

 

The best and only time is when you are 100% over it and really don't care. At that point, it probably won't even dawn on you to check her FB because - at that point - it won't matter.

  • Like 1
Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

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ps. people who are over their exes, don't create threads like this...

 

"5 mos post BU and SHE STILL AFFECTS ME WTH!!!"

 

less than 2 weeks ago...

 

 

lmao

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ItxWillxGetxBetter Established Member

ItxWillxGetxBetter

Posted
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ps. people who are over their exes, don't create threads like this...

 

"5 mos post BU and SHE STILL AFFECTS ME WTH!!!"

 

less than 2 weeks ago...

 

 

lmao

 

Touche! lmao! The reason I was curious was because i'm infatuated with another girl and that post two weeks ago was about this same girl. Well that crashed and burned quickly. I quickly realized that this new girl was a rebound and that I was trying to pick up where my ex and I left off. Yeah that was fun (Shoot me now)!

 

I wanted to check on my ex because when I was infatuated with this new girl I never thought about the ex. I mean...I did think about her but nothing like I wanted to be with her or miss her. I thought maybe i'm over it.

 

On second thought...I think I'll play it safe and just stay the course and just stay the hell away! lol.

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asdfasdf1234 Member

asdfasdf1234

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If you have to ask that question then is too soon.

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TheBladeRunner Established Member

TheBladeRunner

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If you have to ask that question then is too soon.

 

As far as I am concerned checking it in ten years is too soon. Wiping the SBXW off of FB helped me immensely; I don't want to know what BS she is up to and I certainly don't want her knowing what I do. I even went as far as to de-friend anyone associated with her. Before I did that though, I sent everyone an e-mail telling them why. Our mutual friends were very supportive and understanding; the SBXW got no warning though, I just wiped er' out.

 

Just say no to Facebook checking the ex.....and checking phone records.......and driving by.........and........

 

You get the picture! Checking this stuff will only upset you and undermine your healing process IMO.

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Hey bro! Well you know what i think. Lol.

 

Sorry to hear about the rebound crashing and burning. Probably for the best. What happened. Did you pull the plug on it? Cav

Compromize Established Member

Compromize

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I am so glad I closed my FB account ages ago. It's a relationship problem. Even when I had an FB account I wasn't "allowed" to be friends with my ex because her ex-husband (not really ex they are still not divorced after 4 years being separated) might be offended. F that.

 

Don't do it dude. Stay far far away from FB.

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ItxWillxGetxBetter Established Member

ItxWillxGetxBetter

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As far as I am concerned checking it in ten years is too soon. Wiping the SBXW off of FB helped me immensely; I don't want to know what BS she is up to and I certainly don't want her knowing what I do. I even went as far as to de-friend anyone associated with her. Before I did that though, I sent everyone an e-mail telling them why. Our mutual friends were very supportive and understanding; the SBXW got no warning though, I just wiped er' out.

 

Just say no to Facebook checking the ex.....and checking phone records.......and driving by.........and........

 

You get the picture! Checking this stuff will only upset you and undermine your healing process IMO.

 

I agree with you. I did the same thing when my ex and I broke up. I defriended her and all of our mutual friends. There was a lot of collateral damage when all this went down. Its just recently I was wondering whether I should reach out and find out but I think I will refrain from that.

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ItxWillxGetxBetter Established Member

ItxWillxGetxBetter

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Hey bro! Well you know what i think. Lol.

 

Sorry to hear about the rebound crashing and burning. Probably for the best. What happened. Did you pull the plug on it? Cav

 

Lol...indeed I know what you think. Everyone on here is probably right. I should not check up on what my ex is up to. No good can come from it. I guess I just needed LS folks to set me straight.

 

As for the rebound...well that crashed and burned. I was so ready for her to replace my ex that once I realized that it was never the same for me anymore. In a way I think she sensed it too and backed off a little. Shes still around and I guess we are still dating but it doesn't feel right. You know...I kind of Judge her for still being around. Whats wrong with her? lol jk. I don't know its just not the same anymore so i'm just going with the flow. It will take me where it takes me I guess and i'm not going to over think it.

Am4Real Established Member

Am4Real

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Never never never....

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seriously-let-down Member

seriously-let-down

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I checked out my STBXW FB account. And guess what? What I saw hurt me. So don't do it. I suppose she's only using FB to justify replacing me with the guy she had an affair with to her friends. But I won't be doing it again.

cavalier99 Established Member

cavalier99

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Lol...indeed I know what you think. Everyone on here is probably right. I should not check up on what my ex is up to. No good can come from it. I guess I just needed LS folks to set me straight.

 

As for the rebound...well that crashed and burned. I was so ready for her to replace my ex that once I realized that it was never the same for me anymore. In a way I think she sensed it too and backed off a little. Shes still around and I guess we are still dating but it doesn't feel right. You know...I kind of Judge her for still being around. Whats wrong with her? lol jk. I don't know its just not the same anymore so i'm just going with the flow. It will take me where it takes me I guess and i'm not going to over think it.

 

Ha sounds like you are going to be the dumper soon. You'll be NC with ex and new girl (ex #2) will be NC with you. Time to enjoy being single. Cav

mtnbiker3000 Established Member

mtnbiker3000

Posted
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Posted this in a different thread, but seems to fit better here...

 

Don't know if it's just my age or what (41), but never got into FB. Don't even have an account. Really glad now, because my ex (31) is all over it. Updates it all the time, tons of friends and tons of pics!! Man, that would be KILLING me if I were to be checking up on that whenever I felt weak/curious.

 

Now that I think about it, that was just another difference in our personalities. Man, even though we had a lot of similar interests and enjoyed spending time together, we were very different people. Realizing this more and more as the BU goes on. Too bad we spent 3 years getting 'hooked' before deciding we weren't right for each other. Oh well, live and learn I guess :rolleyes:

Am4Real Established Member

Am4Real

Posted
Posted

 

Don't know if it's just my age or what (41), but never got into FB. Don't even have an account. Really glad now, because my ex (31) is all over it. Updates it all the time, tons of friends and tons of pics!! Man, that would be KILLING me if I were to be checking up on that whenever I felt weak/curious.

 

Agree, FB seems extremely juvenile to me. And, when you confront someone with opinion to the like, is it not amazing all the "real" reasons they have for using it -- most heard: to keep in touch with people and family, lol. Sure!

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