Sweet Cheeks Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) So I had been with my then bf for 2 1/2 years. It was a rocky road b/c of a lot of outside stress - job related mostly. He is also younger than me by 8 years, 27 and 35. This has never been an issue, I don't act or look my age at all and we were friends for a time before we dated. The first year, year and a half (honeymoon) was bliss. Then things got hard b/c he lost his job, and since has gone back to school to finish his degree and is now being transferred several states away. Originally we had talked and we were so on the same page. He was in love with me, even his family said they've never known him to talk of marriage to anyone before and he has been all about me. We did break up before for a time b/c what I'm getting to that happened just happened again... whenever a life change event occurs he pushes me away, questions the relationship, breaks up, becomes all about friends only, and to keep me at bay, is the meanest SOB to me you can imagine. Like downright CRUEL. Once he is through his 'moment' a couple months later (least that's what happened last time) he comes back crying and begging and swearing he was stupid and 'fu**ed' up and when he gets panicked he pulls away b/c he can't deal. I accepted this and took him back. Now life event #2 - the move across the country. Originally he was all about me eventually moving there with him and marriage one day - though he's always been cautious of marriage b/c of seeing so many failed ones. Now that things are getting close - it was 2 weeks prior to the move - he dumped me again and is back to being mean, he loves me but is unsure he's in love, went from I'm his everything to it's not working, can't live without me to he is starting to hate me??? You get it. It's abusive I know and I am just torn b/c it's like he's Jekyll and Hyde. Granted we have argued and had a lot of relationship talk lately with the stress of things which I know guys hate, and he flat out told me he doesn't want to talk about anything, all it does is irritate him, and he is 'lost with things' ... he said he is ignoring feelings right now b/c he doesn't want to deal with it and 'don't I know all he is stressed with right now?!!' ..... Sorry for the confusing book, but advice? I'm a moron, yes? He really doesn't give a care? Or he is just too damn immature to deal with life??? Thank you. Edited March 19, 2013 by Sweet Cheeks
sleeplessandsad Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I'm in the SAME situation, except my guy is 2 years younger than me. He doesn't like talking about things that are difficult or serious relationship type issues. All I want to know is if he wants me to stay....but I'm 32 and I do need to know. I've asked him, whats your timeline. He says he doesnt know, and doesn't know when he'll be ready for marriage. It's so frustrating!!
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Wow this is so crazy this sounds exactly like me and I am the guy. I must tell you ladies although I'm sure you already know men and women operate much differently. And by that I mean women can go on and on and talk about the relationship for hours on end. This is really really draining for us guys. We want to talk it out but sometimes feel like we can end up talking in circles and get nowhere and it's just really tiring. My guess is you're not going to want to hear my advice. If he is acting like this right now he is not going to change and will keep on being hot and cold. The only thing I can really think for you to do is just completely cut him out and go no contact. Let him know that in the future you want marriage, and something long term and you are not going to wait around for him. I bet you anything a few weeks will go by and he will be back with you. The question then is will he pull this again? I'm guessing he will. I wish you to the best of luck! If at all possible try to keep the talks about the relationship short as when they keep going on and on, some guys just get frustrated and will sometimes say things they don't mean just so that the conversation can be over.
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 And 1 more thing you just cannot pressure a guy to get married. Even bringing it up frequently can be pretty annoying (not trying to be rude just helpful). I had a girlfriend that did it and that was 1 of the reasons I broke up with her because she kept bringing it up and I wasn't ready.
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