McDonald Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Well its the end of my school quarter. I cant believe its already been more than 10 weeks since the BU. Time really flies when your "not" having lol. Forreal though, it has been getting better and then fun and happiness is increasing. Its just days like this when the thoughts come back. last night when i was trying to go to sleep I thought more about her than I have all this month put together. And it wasnt anger thoughts. But they were deep, intimate thoughts. Images of what we used to do... how it used to be. It didnt hurt though. They were just memories. I shook myself out of it. After getting my final paper back today though I broke down a bit because I got an A on it and wanted to text her and tell her because she would always get excited for me. Then I realized I cant do that anymore. Im about 2 months of NC with light breaks here and there of saying hi when we pass by. The hurting is kinda gone, the anger is present, and theres a small bit of emptyness when Im alone. But overall LS, it has gotten so much better. I look back at how I use to be a few weeks in.. and Im shocked that I could allow someone to do this. This is the home stretch. 3 more finals. then at the end of this week is spring break. I cant wait to say I made it through the quarter. I cant wait to say I was able to get my work done without her. 3 more days. I can do it I hope. 2
na49 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Well, congrats on getting an A on your paper. I know the feeling. Last semester finals were a bummer for me. Studying alone in the library, I'd look out the window and just hope to see her. When I did, it hurt all over again but I still would torture myself by looking. Seeing/hearing her walk into class and say hi to everyone around me but not me. Sounding happy if not happier than she ever sounded when she was with me. She sat behind me in one class and whenever I would have to pass papers back, I'd put them over my shoulder and never look at her. Too painful. Just thinking of it now is painful. It's life as you know and it doesn't stop for anyone. We may not like the hand we're dealt, but we need to play with the cards we have. Would we be happier if they were still in our life and things were the same? Definitely! but they aren't and no amount of crying will bring them back. We're completely powerless in this situation. We can't say or do anything to bring them back. Just do what you have to do. You know you've got these 3 finals. Your grades on them are completely on you. No blaming anyone. No feeling sorry for yourself. You got this.
Author McDonald Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks Na. Idk why but Im getting the urges to send her a message or something. im getting really in shape, eating healthy, Im feelin good about myself... so I feel like I could "win her back (show her what she is missing)". I thought I was beyond this stage already... it sucks...
na49 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks Na. Idk why but Im getting the urges to send her a message or something. im getting really in shape, eating healthy, Im feelin good about myself... so I feel like I could "win her back (show her what she is missing)". I thought I was beyond this stage already... it sucks... I feel the same way. Here I am doing everything possible to improve myself, and I just want her to know about it so I can share the new me with her. I feel like messaging her too, but I don't know what I'd say to be honest.
Author McDonald Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 me neither. I probably wont say what I want to say about it.... so I guess its better off nothing is said and to just remain in NC. it just sucks how fast she moved on..... boom two weeks later I see her walking with someone else??? After everything we have done together? Right before winter break we went on a snowbaroding trip together and stuff. She posted pics and friends asked if she had fun and she commented "best time of my life" stuff like that. Then three weeks later she can just take those pics down and post up ones with this new guy? What is that? How can someone even do that? I just dont see how it is even possible... idk maybe thats why its so hard to move on from this... maybe if i was a "worser" person,, then I could see the jusitifaction.
Author McDonald Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Wow I'm really starting to lose my ability to focus. I have been sitting in the library trying to study and haven't got anything done. It's like. My brain is just done with it. I have already put about 7 hours n for a final that I had today... Now I just can't focus and these thoughts of her don't help as well.
Author McDonald Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 Now im slowing running out of time... a couple more hours of studying before im whiped out. So stressed... and now all the thoughts of the BU come back... I accidently relapsed and went by her place when I went to get food. IDK why.. Its just all this stress. I wish she knew about all the pain, the troubles she hass caused.
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