fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 So amazingly I got a response from a girl on OLD. We've exchanged a few messages (just today though) and I'd like to continue the conversation. Would it be better to ask for a phone number or a facebook/gchat/other IM interface? The only times I've ever asked for numbers is when I talked to them over the course of a few days/weeks. So, I don't know. Advice?
Brunettie Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Either is really ok. If you want to ask for her fb and chat on there for awhile then ask for her number, that's ok. but if you ask for her number, maybe at least wait for tomorrow and keep messaging on there until then.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Um, so I asked for her facebook and she sent a message back telling me where she used to live. What do I do with that? I don't even know what that's supposed to mean...
sillyanswer Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this. Personally I'd ask for her phone number before asking to add her on facebook... but that's because that's what I'm comfortable with in a dating scenario and I'm specifically not comfortable adding a new dating partner to facebook (because I'd rather get to know someone, and let her get to know me, at a more measured pace than being able to click through a facebook biography). Do what you're comfortable with, and if it doesn't work for her then that's just too bad.
creighton0123 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 IMO, online chatting technologies make dating ten times more difficult. Whether it's through a dating site, email, facebook, gchat, etc. etc., it's all kind of too easy and shallow. Give her your number or ask for hers. Do what you can to stop typing and start forming a connection. 3
normal person Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this. Personally I'd ask for her phone number before asking to add her on facebook... but that's because that's what I'm comfortable with in a dating scenario and I'm specifically not comfortable adding a new dating partner to facebook (because I'd rather get to know someone, and let her get to know me, at a more measured pace than being able to click through a facebook biography). Do what you're comfortable with, and if it doesn't work for her then that's just too bad. Agree with this. Let her actually get to know you rather than jump to conclusions based on your page. Asking to add someone on Facebook just seems a little juvenile to me. Asking for her number is fine. In my experience if you don't ask in the first few messages, she'll probably just give it to you. But you would probably rather ask and receive than appear disinterested or shy and have to have it handed to you.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Agree with this. Let her actually get to know you rather than jump to conclusions based on your page. Asking to add someone on Facebook just seems a little juvenile to me. Asking for her number is fine. In my experience if you don't ask in the first few messages, she'll probably just give it to you. But you would probably rather ask and receive than appear disinterested or shy and have to have it handed to you. Never had that happen to me. I've only gotten two numbers from women on OLD. Both times I asked, the first time it was because we had agreed to meet up and wanted each other's number in case something came up (because we had to cancel once due to a snow storm) and the second time I asked and she gave it to me but she then messaged me saying she had changed her mind (I made a thread about that one). Another time I asked but she never responded and then deleted her profile. So I don't know.
normal person Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Never had that happen to me. I've only gotten two numbers from women on OLD. Both times I asked, the first time it was because we had agreed to meet up and wanted each other's number in case something came up (because we had to cancel once due to a snow storm) and the second time I asked and she gave it to me but she then messaged me saying she had changed her mind (I made a thread about that one). Another time I asked but she never responded and then deleted her profile. So I don't know. How many messages did you exchange? Two to four is a reasonable amount before getting a number, I think. You've got to make her want to give you her number though. That boils down to condensing the most possible insight/interest/humor into about two paragraphs in each message. Really, you should consider every sentence.
happykat Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I am a little too paranoid to give men my number after just a few messages. I prefer to chat online a little bit first, and work up to giving my number. I wouldn't go the Facebook route, but that's just me because I don't even have an account... good luck!
dasein Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Phone. The way you do it is, "Let's talk on the phone, if you aren't comfortable giving out yours, here's mine." 98% of the time they have given the # and the other couple of them did in fact call me. FB is a bad idea. Women OLD are in a position of holding that red pencil, and looking for reasons to use it. Don't give them those until the phone call and then in person. When I do the first call, I already have date alternatives in mind. Chat a bit, then when I find out what general area they live in, I mention "I like to hang out around (heavily populated cool area near them), would you like to take a walk through there and maybe grab a drink at (cool place, never a coffee shop, as near to them as possible) on X day?" Good luck man.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Well I sent her a message saying I'd like to talk on the phone and gave her my number. Haven't heard back from her yet (sent the message almost 2 hours ago so it's probably too early to tell what the response will be).
dasein Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Have had them take a day or two to call or send their number, I have taken up to 48 hours to call them myself. She could of course flake, and then on to next. Hopefully you will hear something back relatively soon. keep us posted.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Update in case anyone cares. I sent the girl my phone number like I said. She never called, never replied to my message and has now deleted her profile. The other girl that I wrote the other thread about has not responded to a message I wrote to her on Thursday. So...who knows.
normal person Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Update in case anyone cares. I sent the girl my phone number like I said. She never called, never replied to my message and has now deleted her profile. The other girl that I wrote the other thread about has not responded to a message I wrote to her on Thursday. So...who knows. I would have asked for her number, not given her yours. Saying "here's my number, call me!" is something I'd see a girl doing to put the ball in the guy's court as the pursuer. But you've put it in her's, and if she doesn't care, she's not going to play. She might give you her number simply because it doesn't require as much effort/fortitude as picking up the phone and taking a chance on a guy she doesn't really know or might not be too interested in yet. Next time, get her number, talk to her, and show her why she should be interested. Otherwise she might not be compelled to give you the chance. Just my two cents.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 I would have asked for her number, not given her yours. Saying "here's my number, call me!" is something I'd see a girl doing to put the ball in the guy's court as the pursuer. But you've put it in her's, and if she doesn't care, she's not going to play. She might give you her number simply because it doesn't require as much effort/fortitude as picking up the phone and taking a chance on a guy she doesn't really know or might not be too interested in yet. Next time, get her number, talk to her, and show her why she should be interested. Otherwise she might not be compelled to give you the chance. Just my two cents. Well I said "I would like to call you and talk to you on the phone". And gave her my number as a post script. So if I called she might maybe recognize the number. I agree with you though.
rocketman122 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 dude youve been on this forum for so long and you know you should call. why even the hesitation?
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 dude youve been on this forum for so long and you know you should call. why even the hesitation? It was online dating. I was wondering whether women would be more likely to give out their facebook or IM name to talk or a phone number. I'd like to call instead of chat online, I just don't want to scare women away by moving too fast you know?
phineas Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Well I said "I would like to call you and talk to you on the phone". And gave her my number as a post script. So if I called she might maybe recognize the number. I agree with you though. Never facebook. I learned that lesson the hard way. Woman I was talking to friend-ed me then kept canceling on me. Started to act clingy & seemed off-balance to me. Because she had all kinds of excuses for why she couldn't meet, kept wanting to text & didn't want me talking to other women until we had a chance to meet. WTF?!?! LOL! Funny how the only person i've un-friended on facebook was someone I met on OLD. Ask for her number. when she gives it, you text her telling her it's you & asking when a good time to call is. I ask this because with smart phones people can OLD from work, friends house ect and may not actually be able to talk plus you want to make sure she is available to talk. A word of caution, avoid a lot of texting & just plan to call her at the arranged time.
candie13 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 you've already met online... I think it's time to move on and ask for the phone number if you are interested. To me, fb is only for my friends. Don't want a random guy to see my friends and where I'm spending my summer vacation. I am a bit more careful, paid off so far
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 23, 2013 Author Posted March 23, 2013 Yeah I see what everybody is saying. I actually like to ask for a meet up after 4 messages or so. I've gotten to that stage with 2 women from OLD, both in 2011 and only one agreed to a meetup. This girl (the one I'm referring to in this thread) ended up deleting her profile, so maybe she just wasn't serious about OLD.
candie13 Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 I'm in Europe - but to me, that seems like a GOOD thing. totally ask for her telephone number .
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted March 24, 2013 Author Posted March 24, 2013 I got a reply from yet another woman, I guess this week has been my lucky week, I've gotten more replies in the past 5-7 days than I have in the last 2 years. So I replied to her reply. If she writes me back yet again, do I ask for her phone number then? Or should I wait a day or a certain amount of messages before doing so? I know this sounds like I have a huge amount of unnecessary hesitation, I just don't want to screw this up.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 So I've done this again. I messaged back and forth with another girl online. I asked her for her number to call. Haven't heard back yet but we'll see what happens. This is the part of OLD that I've most struggled with. Thankfully my first messages aren't getting totally ignored anymore, but my second messages usually are. Going from messaging to meeting has been a major leap for me.
Author fortyninethousand322 Posted April 29, 2013 Author Posted April 29, 2013 Update: she's not ready to give out her number yet. So...what do I do? Continue messaging on the site?
sillyanswer Posted April 29, 2013 Posted April 29, 2013 Update: she's not ready to give out her number yet. So...what do I do? Continue messaging on the site? When that happens to me I say something like "well I'm not looking for a pen pal..." and see what happens. Usually what happens is that I don't hear back, but since I wasn't kidding about not looking for a pen pal I don't mind too much. If you want to keep talking I suggest just changing the subject and message her through the site for a few more days, then bring up the topic of phone numbers or going on a date and see what happens.
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