singme2sleep Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Ok this is mostly for the male dumpers, but female dumpers may chime in too. If a dumper reluctantly breaks up and still has feelings for the dumpee...what does the dumper feel/think when the dumpee (who initially tried to talk to the dumper) just disappears. IE- They stop trying to contact you, deactivate their Facebook account and simply leave you alone. (Even though it was clear in the beginning that the dumpee didn't want the breakup) So what do you gather from those actions?? Again as the dumper are you; relieved, do you assume you deeply hurt the dumpee or they hate you, does that make you think they are trying to move on, or honoring your wishes and giving you the space you need, etc? I'm just curious... 1
TheWeeknd Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 In all honesty, it really depends on the situation of the breakup. I have only broken up with a girl once and it was close to being mutual. She was moving away and I didn't want to have a long distance relationship where seeing each other would be close to once a year. In my opinion, if the relationship didn't end because of abuse/cheating or incompatibility and nobody did anything disrespectful after the break up, I know for a fact that the dumper will be thinking of the dumpee, especially if the dumpee just "dissapears". 1
McDonald Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 Then te dumper shouldn't have ended it in the first place
TaraMaiden Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 PERspective. "Prospective" means 'possibly at some future point'...... As a dumper, I really don't give a damn. I'm glad they're not hassling me texting me, begging and pleading. I said it was over, because it's over. Not because I want a slow, lingering, strangulated death of it all. Quick, neat, final and finito. And I'm assuming that since the dumpee hasn't been in touch, they've got the message and are moving on. Just like I have. 1
iKING Posted March 21, 2013 Posted March 21, 2013 I have to agree with Tara, lack of contact just makes my life easier in that situation.
spiderowl Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 I'm not a guy but I would imagine it would depend on whether I dumped her because I just didn't like her much or felt we were totally incompatible, or whether I dumped her because I took her attachment for granted and just fancied trying someone else. If it was the former, I'd probably be relieved, though I'd notice she'd taken some initiative (which might raise her stakes with me); if it was the latter, I'd notice and wonder if I'd done the right thing. I might respect her more for refusing to hang around waiting for me.
Author singme2sleep Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 I'd probably be relieved, though I'd notice she'd taken some initiative (which might raise her stakes with me); if it was the latter, I'd notice and wonder if I'd done the right thing. I might respect her more for refusing to hang around waiting for me. What do you mean "take initiative" like by disappearing? And "raise the stakes with you" could you please elaborate?!
TheDovic Posted March 22, 2013 Posted March 22, 2013 Hey, In the past year I have broken up with two girls, one after dating for four months, the other after six months. These were the first times I have ever been the dumper and I must say it was VERY different than being the dumpee!!! When my ex fiance broke up with me 1.5 years ago I was distraught. Was on medication, seeing therapists and was off work for four months. Being the dumper on the other hand was very uncomfortable because I didn't want to hurt anyone, and it may have appeared to my exes that I was reluctant to break up. However what I was really feeling was anxious about getting through the awkward and horrible process of dumping someone. It was like ripping off a plaster and after it was done I was 100% fine. There were no drawn out feelings like when I was the dumpee. Now in saying that I did not have strong feelings for either of these girls even though they really liked me and even thought I was "the one." I imagine if I had been in a relationship where at one point I was very happy this may have been very different. So just because I don't give these girls a second thought doesn't mean the guy you were with feels the same. 1
Author singme2sleep Posted March 22, 2013 Author Posted March 22, 2013 Hey, In the past year I have broken up with two girls, one after dating for four months, the other after six months. These were the first times I have ever been the dumper and I must say it was VERY different than being the dumpee!!! When my ex fiance broke up with me 1.5 years ago I was distraught. Was on medication, seeing therapists and was off work for four months. Being the dumper on the other hand was very uncomfortable because I didn't want to hurt anyone, and it may have appeared to my exes that I was reluctant to break up. However what I was really feeling was anxious about getting through the awkward and horrible process of dumping someone. It was like ripping off a plaster and after it was done I was 100% fine. There were no drawn out feelings like when I was the dumpee. Now in saying that I did not have strong feelings for either of these girls even though they really liked me and even thought I was "the one." I imagine if I had been in a relationship where at one point I was very happy this may have been very different. So just because I don't give these girls a second thought doesn't mean the guy you were with feels the same. Hi, I appreciate your input. I do agree that either position (dumpee/dumper) is very different. Before my current ex I was in a relationship where when it ended I was the dumper. I felt the guy played too many games and I just honestly wasn't in love so I ended it. I didn't miss him but did feel bad at times. Overall I knew I did the right thing because everyone deserves to be loved and nothing less. But with my last relationship, it was all different. We both loved each other, talked about marriage and called each other Mr & Mrs. He became overwhelmed with his life circumstances and decided to push me away and deal with it on his own. I have never been this heartbroken before!
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