venusianx13 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) When my boyfriend and I first started seeing each other about 10 months ago, he immediately wanted a link to me all day, even during the work day. He insisted that we keep in contact via google chat. And we have, for pretty much every (work) day since. Obviously, the conversation has waned over time... it's just the way things happen. However, it has infringed upon our real life communication. He says I don't talk to him like I used to, and it's true. I don't. I feel like I've communicated everything going on throughout the day that I have nothing left to talk about later when we see each other. I've pointed this out several times, and it's never really sunk in for him. There's an obvious correlation here, isn't there? As much as I love him, I find it to be too much. It most certainly hinders our communication in real life. As much as I tell him my feelings on this, he still incessantly contacts me throughout the day. I love him, I love that he wants to be connected to me...but it poses a problem later, when we have nothing to discuss about our days and goings on. Do other couples have this problem? And how might I break this habit of ours without him feeling hurt? Edited March 19, 2013 by venusianx13
BetheButterfly Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 When my boyfriend and I first started seeing each other about 10 months ago, he immediately wanted a link to me all day, even during the work day. He insisted that we keep in contact via google chat. And we have, for pretty much every (work) day since. Obviously, the conversation has waned over time... it's just the way things happen. However, it has infringed upon our real life communication. He says I don't talk to him like I used to, and it's true. I don't. I feel like I've communicated everything going on throughout the day that I have nothing left to talk about later when we see each other. I've pointed this out several times, and it's never really sunk in for him. There's an obvious correlation here, isn't there? As much as I love him, I find it to be too much. It most certainly hinders our communication in real life. As much as I tell him my feelings on this, he still incessantly contacts me throughout the day. I love him, I love that he wants to be connected to me...but it poses a problem later, when we have nothing to discuss about our days and goings on. Do other couples have this problem? And how might I break this habit of ours without him feeling hurt? I think you need to gently and kindly just say something like: "We are different and have different needs. I need to not be so much on chat. Because of that need, I'm not going to be on chat very much. I understand you need constant communication, but I would appreciate it if we'd compromise and only chat at a certain time each day, then enjoy time together talking after work." And then, simply find a time to chat, and don't chat before/after that. It is difficult when members of a couples' needs are polar opposites, but compromise is the key to that. My husband and I have similar needs in communication in that we don't talk to each other at all during work time UNLESS there's an emergency OR amazing event we want to talk about UNTIL we meet at home after work. We always make the time to talk together, hand in hand, eye to eye after work and tell each other about our day. That works for us, and it might work for y'all to tell him that you need after work time, not during work time chats, and to compromise by only having one period of chat time during the day, then talking together in the evening... 3
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