I need calming down!

[Mack05]

sure mack05 please just don't hit me too hard.

 

Then I wont.

 

I like you bro and won't kick a man when he is down. Do me a favour PM me if you ever need to chat...

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't know I ended it by accident I was in a foul mood I just ended it because I was getting called insecure and jealous and all kinds of things. I just wanted the flirting to stop and it wouldn't. when I spoke to her the next day and i'd calmed down she didn't want to fix it or resolve it.

 

tried to hook up with someone she worked with 5 days after.

 

I did the right thing.. it just feels so wrong.. the last thing I said to her was F off and called her a B*tch when she started talking to my friend like I didn't even exist at the side of him ( the one shes seeing now )

 

I did everything right. I need to stop feeling so down. I did the right thing. It just feels wrong that i'm sat alone and she's with my old friend.

 

Well, she's with him. Who cares. Being a sad woe-is-me bastard about it isn't going to change it. You did the right thing -- you just have so little self-respect that you can't grasp that. You finally do something that shows some self-respect and backbone, and you beat yourself up about it because you are so used to being a doormat. Well f--king stop being a doormat. Trust your decision and roll with it.

[destroyed4sho]

Then I wont.

 

I like you bro and won't kick a man when he is down. Do me a favour PM me if you ever need to chat...

 

I wanna hear this too!!

[TaraMaiden]

how is it self inflicted ?

 

You ended it with her because you couldn't trust her anymore. Why is this so shocking to you??

 

Hate to say it, but she has a right to do what she likes thereafter. It is none of your business!

 

Precisely.

 

...To answer your question, calgary:

Because you need to understand one thing:

 

They don't sit there plotting, scheming and planning every little move they're going to make, to expressedly get under your skin, hurt you, annoy you or make you see red, through a veil of green.

 

This is not a cunning mission to get to you.

This is them living life the way they want to.

It really doesn't bother them one way or the other what you permit to affect you.

They're doing what they want to do - and they're not going to change it simply because they are aware you know details of it.

 

THIS - is how it's self-inflicted.

 

You let something completely beyond your power and control - take your power and control.

You have decided this is a life-shifting cataclysmic, disastrous and traumatic event - but in reality, there is nothing for anyone else to take into consideration.

 

You need to shift your focus from worrying about what they're doing, to being seriously concerned with what YOU'RE doing - to yourself.

 

That is of far greater importance, more urgent, more vital, and a far more pressing matter.

[thefooloftheyear]

Calgary

 

Trust me on this. The WORST type of woman is the one you dumped. Lets say you didnt break up. How are you going to feel when you go out to dinner with her and she its batting her eyes at the waiter? Or when you have to work some OT she is having phone sex with some random guy that "liked" her FB status? Forget that shytt. Shes an attention whore and will run to any swinging dick that shows her the most attention.

 

Picture her as Madeline Albright with a permanent case of PMS.

 

Hang in there, buddy.

 

TFOY

[calgary]

it's funny she actually did seem really flirty with this one waiter. I was always made to feel paranoid honestly. I actually convinced myself it was just me being paranoid to a point and then I snapped out of it and stopped being a doormat.

 

you described her really well. she loves attention it's so true. I did the right thing it's just feeling wrong and lonely right now because I miss the good times instead of focussing on all the bad things.

 

like somebody else posted previously... she'll be in touch the guilt will get too much and when she does i'll tell her where to go again.

thanks for the support

[calgary]

Precisely.

 

...To answer your question, calgary:

Because you need to understand one thing:

 

They don't sit there plotting, scheming and planning every little move they're going to make, to expressedly get under your skin, hurt you, annoy you or make you see red, through a veil of green.

 

This is not a cunning mission to get to you.

This is them living life the way they want to.

It really doesn't bother them one way or the other what you permit to affect you.

They're doing what they want to do - and they're not going to change it simply because they are aware you know details of it.

 

THIS - is how it's self-inflicted.

 

You let something completely beyond your power and control - take your power and control.

You have decided this is a life-shifting cataclysmic, disastrous and traumatic event - but in reality, there is nothing for anyone else to take into consideration.

 

You need to shift your focus from worrying about what they're doing, to being seriously concerned with what YOU'RE doing - to yourself.

 

That is of far greater importance, more urgent, more vital, and a far more pressing matter.

this is true taramaiden I completely agree that she doesn't sit there plotting things.. but you must admit.. of all people for her to date.. she chooses the guy I drink beers with on a weekend ? she's tried playing with my mind since we broke up.. everything from the suicide and self harming cr*p.. to accusing me of dumping her for somebody else.. it's all just too much drama. I need to get away from her.

 

even if I was made of stronger stuff.. everything she could have done to hurt me after a break up.. she has hasn't she ? I've done my best to maintain no contact for the last month.. when she approached me I told her to F off.

I did everything to heal and she did everything to hurt me. intentionally or unintentionally.

[destroyed4sho]

She was hurting...that is why she reacted that way..have you not been reading any dumpee posts on this forum??

 

Seriously, after learning more about the details...your friend and your ex did nothing wrog at all! You dumped her in the garbage left her outside and he opened the lid took her out and made her his own. Sounds fair and square to me.

 

Stop being a whinny weeny and grow one.

[calgary]

She was hurting...that is why she reacted that way..have you not been reading any dumpee posts on this forum??

 

Seriously, after learning more about the details...your friend and your ex did nothing wrog at all! You dumped her in the garbage left her outside and he opened the lid took her out and made her his own. Sounds fair and square to me.

 

Stop being a whinny weeny and grow one.

it felt more like she didn't have it in her to dump me, she became distant with me and flirty with other guys.. as soon as I told her if it didn't stop she might aswell come get her stuff from mine that was it.. she was planning on hooking up with somebody else 5 days later.. didn't want to fix things . we met up to return things and she offered me the friends card, I refused and said I wanted to fix things or walk away.. so we walked away.. well she dragged it out sh*t loads but she told me she didn't want a relationship. I made my intentions clear that I wanted to try repair it or walk away and she chose to walk away.

[destroyed4sho]

it felt more like she didn't have it in her to dump me,

 

Isnt that a GOOD thing? She didnt want to break it off bc she loved you.

 

she became distant with me and flirty with other guys.. as soon as I told her if it didn't stop she might aswell come get her stuff from mine that was it..

 

she was planning on hooking up with somebody else 5 days later.

 

Sounds like being dumped...you didnt even try to resolve the issue by communicating first like ADULTS.

 

And again none of your business!!!

 

 

.

didn't want to fix things .

 

You DUMPED HER ..too late buddy.

 

 

we met up to return things and she offered me the friends card, I refused and said I wanted to fix things or walk away.. so we walked away.. well she dragged it out sh*t loads but she told me she didn't want a relationship.

 

You dumped her and now you want to fix things?? Too late.

 

I made my intentions clear that I wanted to try repair it or walk away and she chose to walk away.

 

You dumped her! She was already in pain! You actually dump her and then give her an ultimatum and you think she will bow down to you...no way. Too late.

 

Learn your lesson.

 

Edited March 20, 2013 by destroyed4sho

[calgary]

yeah you're right I should have just tolerated her holding hands with other guys and dancing with one guy all night who keeps buying her drinks whilst I stand in the back ground not saying anything and just tolerating it :/... rather than being the man I am and giving her an ultimatum .. stop doing it or i'm stopping the relationship. anybody would have come to that not just me.

 

i didn't want to end it at all.. but she didn't want to stop her behaviour.. she ended it in my eyes. she could have tried to fix it , she could have tried to see i was hurt. she didn't she moved on. i did things in the passed that upset her, she told me, i stopped. give and take right ? it's not all one sided.

[destroyed4sho]

I understand. But I think an ultimatem was a bit strong in this case.

I remember when i was young i was shy and didnt have the strength to tell people not to touch my hand or put their hands on me when i was uncomfortable.

 

Anywayyyy....i think that you had reason to dump her BUT you have to understand that YOU dumped her. After this, she is free to do as she likes with whomever she likes! You dont dictate who she choses to be with after.breakup..hell she can turn into a trashy stripper and you have nothing to say.

 

Your friend chose to chance it with her rather than maintain your relationship with him. Its his choice and he will have to live with the consequences. He doesnt owe you anything and neither does she.

Its none of your business. You threw her in the garbage, he picked off the chicken bones from her head and took her home....now you want your garbage back bc he has it and now its valuable all of a sudden. You have nothing to say about it. So hush!

Edited March 20, 2013 by destroyed4sho

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't think he wants the garbage back. But there are sore feelings there and the friend broke the "bro code" by hooking up with his ex. He's bound to be pissed and has a right to be pissed. However, calgary tends to go into "the world is against me" mode at the drop of a hat, which is counterproductive. Instead of being mopey and dopey, just cut off the couple and take solace in the fact that his instinct to dump was the right now.

 

destroyed4sho, I realize that you've been dumped and, due to that, have a lot of built-in resentment for dumpers, but calgary doesn't deserve to be raked over the coals for being upset about it. He needs to be raked over the coals a bit for being overly "woe is me", but anyone in his situation is going to be upset at the situation he's going through.

 

His friend should have at least came up to calgary like a man and said something.

[Chi townD]

She was hurting...that is why she reacted that way..have you not been reading any dumpee posts on this forum??

 

Seriously, after learning more about the details...your friend and your ex did nothing wrog at all! You dumped her in the garbage left her outside and he opened the lid took her out and made her his own. Sounds fair and square to me.

 

Stop being a whinny weeny and grow one.

 

Wow! Really?

 

She has the right to move on, but I don't care what planet you're from; her hooking up with his friend is a pretty douchy thing to do. I mean, she even confessed that she felt guilty about it! Why? Because, she knew, deep down, that it was a d*ck thing to do.

 

Flirting with other dudes in front of him, laughing and holding hands with other dudes in front of him, do inappropriate things with other dudes....so, she broke the camels back. But the icing on the cake, hooking up with his friend. The last act of contempt for him. So, the dude gonna be upset and hurt. He has a right. He lost a friend and the idea of what he thought was a girlfriend.

 

So, you calling him names and telling him to grow a pair is just plain rude.

Edited March 20, 2013 by Chi townD

[adelia]

I agree she was garbage he picked out of the trash but Calgary you do have every right to be upset. What you've gone through is awful. Betrayal beyond most. She's a nasty piece of work and so is he and I DO think she chose him to get to you but in the end all that matters is you. You moving on and healing from the pain of this. You made the right decision dumping her. I'd never hold hands and flirt if I was in a relationship it's very disrespectful.everything she did was as said " douchy". You're a good person. You deserve more. It'll just take time to get over this. Forget about them and focus on you now.

[adelia]

Also I think she will contact you but not out of guilt I dont think she knows that emotion. I think when she's exhausted this route and wants to go back to the nice guy she will pop up again. If there was EVER a time to go NC that is the time. Delete delete delete ignore ignore ignore. you'll be tempted to listen and make sense out if what she did DON'T. She will use and abuse and keep on and on. Don't let her do this to you.

[fixing]

I understand. But I think an ultimatem was a bit strong in this case.

I remember when i was young i was shy and didnt have the strength to tell people not to touch my hand or put their hands on me when i was uncomfortable.

 

Anywayyyy....i think that you had reason to dump her BUT you have to understand that YOU dumped her. After this, she is free to do as she likes with whomever she likes! You dont dictate who she choses to be with after.breakup..hell she can turn into a trashy stripper and you have nothing to say.

 

Your friend chose to chance it with her rather than maintain your relationship with him. Its his choice and he will have to live with the consequences. He doesnt owe you anything and neither does she.

Its none of your business. You threw her in the garbage, he picked off the chicken bones from her head and took her home....now you want your garbage back bc he has it and now its valuable all of a sudden. You have nothing to say about it. So hush!

 

Notsureifserious. jpeg?

 

His gut instinct turned out to be correct. He had to take a stance and warn her he would finish the relationship if she didnt stop being an attention/cheating whore, she attacked him, calling him paranoid etc etc. He rightly dumped her. She came back round to get her stuff presumably? And Calgary offered her to reconcile, she rejected, and than the whore hooked up with his good friend? You are correct, its none of calgarys business now, but stop acting as though she is the victim and calgary is the jerk for dumping the girl he loved, he is still morning what he once had? Thanks

 

Fwiw OP, you are not alone. I feel basically exactly the same as you do right now. Stay strong

[destroyed4sho]

I am surprised so many people disagree with me. I think your empathy for calgary is clouding your logic.

 

Simon, Chi, Adelia and Fix - SO you believe that a dumpee should hold allegiance to the dumper AFTER they get dumped??

 

First off, to comment on Fix post - I think Calgary DID do the right thing by dumping her because it felt like the right thing to do for him. Holding hands with someone else in front of your boyfriend is NOT right. However, how did he respond to this? He gave her an ultimatum with a threat of break up in order to control her actions. Nobody would respond well to a threat of BU...if someone did that to me I would feel its OVER ..nobody wants to be controlled in that way. He blew it up.

At the very least, the relationship goes downhill from that point on.

 

But this is not my point.

 

The bottom line is he dumped her. There is no arguing this. The dumpee has NO further loyalty, allegiance or responsibility to the dumper at this point.

She can F**k, whore around with WHOMEVER she feels like...whether its a day after break up or 2 years after.

 

For the love of God, if God sent someone to pick me out of the trash can I was thrown in.....I would be jumping and cartwheeling all over that! Hell, I would be shaking my ass all over town. Wouldn't you???....And if it was my exs friend, well, all the better for me!

 

Think about this clearly, put yourself in HER shoes. If you got dumped AND your exs HOT friend that you think you may have a connection with, asked you out, you would not go for it?

 

There IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT THIS GIRL DID after breakup...NOTHING.

 

If she was talking to this guy while WITH calgary, then that is a different story.

 

Now, in regard to HIS friend. Yes that was a 'douchy' thing to do BUT he made his choice. But who is to say? His friend does not owe him anything. He even said that they weren't that close. Unless it is your bestfriend or your brother, don't expect anyone to have your best interests at heart. People will do what they think is best for THEM not for you, especially when it comes to love, money or drugs.

 

 

Calgary- This girl did NOTHING wrong to you. Be happy for them or at least act like you are happy. You made your choice before any of this happened.

 

Btw, you said she 'walked away' after giving her an ultimatum...but then you state that she threatened "everything from the suicide and self harming cr*p".

 

Doesn't sound like she just walked away, sounds like she was in pain and trying to do/say anything to get you back....

 

So, I don't believe that this woman was a cold and callous whore as everyone here thinks. Just look at her actions. Nothing wrong here.

[Chi townD]

So, he should be happy with the amount of contempt that being throw at him. He should be thrilled with the amount of disrespect that his friend has shown him by dating the person that has hurt him so badly that (even by your own admission) he had no other recourse but to end the relationship; just days after it ended. That is a major violation of the bro code. His friend stated that they weren't that close of friends. Yet, they hung out together. Hell, they went on VACATION together. I don't know about you, but I don't go on vacation with acquaintances.

 

 

Okay, so you tell me, she stated to the friend that she felt guilty. Why? Explain that to me, considering that she did absolutely NOTHING wrong, then why feel guilty? Explain to me why his "friend" never called him back after SEVERAL attempts by Calgary? Why ingore your friend that you've spent time with, went on vacation with? Why ignore him? He did nothing wrong, right? So, why not answer his call? Is it because he lied to Calgary saying that he would NEVER do anything like that to hurt him? Why should he hide like a frickin coward?

 

You have your right to an opinion. I opinion is that their actions are cruel and directed in hurting Calgary whether they be intentional or not. It was just plain wrong. There's 11 billion people on this planet and she choosen one of his friends to hook up with, KNOWING that it would hurt him. Is it revenge for her to hook up with one of his friends for dumping her? I'm not a betting man, but my money is on that. She wanted to make him hurt as much as she was hurting for him dumping her. It's frickin obvious.

[Simon Phoenix]

I am surprised so many people disagree with me. I think your empathy for calgary is clouding your logic.

 

Simon, Chi, Adelia and Fix - SO you believe that a dumpee should hold allegiance to the dumper AFTER they get dumped??

 

First off, to comment on Fix post - I think Calgary DID do the right thing by dumping her because it felt like the right thing to do for him. Holding hands with someone else in front of your boyfriend is NOT right. However, how did he respond to this? He gave her an ultimatum with a threat of break up in order to control her actions. Nobody would respond well to a threat of BU...if someone did that to me I would feel its OVER ..nobody wants to be controlled in that way. He blew it up.

At the very least, the relationship goes downhill from that point on.

 

But this is not my point.

 

The bottom line is he dumped her. There is no arguing this. The dumpee has NO further loyalty, allegiance or responsibility to the dumper at this point.

She can F**k, whore around with WHOMEVER she feels like...whether its a day after break up or 2 years after.

 

For the love of God, if God sent someone to pick me out of the trash can I was thrown in.....I would be jumping and cartwheeling all over that! Hell, I would be shaking my ass all over town. Wouldn't you???....And if it was my exs friend, well, all the better for me!

 

Think about this clearly, put yourself in HER shoes. If you got dumped AND your exs HOT friend that you think you may have a connection with, asked you out, you would not go for it?

 

There IS NOTHING WRONG WITH WHAT THIS GIRL DID after breakup...NOTHING.

 

If she was talking to this guy while WITH calgary, then that is a different story.

 

Now, in regard to HIS friend. Yes that was a 'douchy' thing to do BUT he made his choice. But who is to say? His friend does not owe him anything. He even said that they weren't that close. Unless it is your bestfriend or your brother, don't expect anyone to have your best interests at heart. People will do what they think is best for THEM not for you, especially when it comes to love, money or drugs.

 

 

Calgary- This girl did NOTHING wrong to you. Be happy for them or at least act like you are happy. You made your choice before any of this happened.

 

Btw, you said she 'walked away' after giving her an ultimatum...but then you state that she threatened "everything from the suicide and self harming cr*p".

 

Doesn't sound like she just walked away, sounds like she was in pain and trying to do/say anything to get you back....

 

So, I don't believe that this woman was a cold and callous whore as everyone here thinks. Just look at her actions. Nothing wrong here.

 

I think you are so anti-dumper that your judgement is severely clouded and you really can't see this situation with anything other than "dumpers are scum" glasses. Not even worth discussing.

[destroyed4sho]

I think you are so anti-dumper that your judgement is severely clouded and you really can't see this situation with anything other than "dumpers are scum" glasses. Not even worth discussing.

 

And I think when you disagree with something you are so quick to discredit someones post and personally attack them rather than discuss.

 

Very mature.

[destroyed4sho]

So, he should be happy with the amount of contempt that being throw at him. He should be thrilled with the amount of disrespect that his friend has shown him by dating the person that has hurt him so badly that (even by your own admission) he had no other recourse but to end the relationship; just days after it ended. That is a major violation of the bro code. His friend stated that they weren't that close of friends. Yet, they hung out together. Hell, they went on VACATION together. I don't know about you, but I don't go on vacation with acquaintances.

 

I don't think they hooked up to get back at Calgary.

 

Okay, so you tell me, she stated to the friend that she felt guilty. Why? Explain that to me, considering that she did absolutely NOTHING wrong, then why feel guilty? Explain to me why his "friend" never called him back after SEVERAL attempts by Calgary? Why ingore your friend that you've spent time with, went on vacation with? Why ignore him? He did nothing wrong, right? So, why not answer his call? Is it because he lied to Calgary saying that he would NEVER do anything like that to hurt him? Why should he hide like a frickin coward?

 

She feels guilty because of the general turn out of events. She is at a better place, he is not and he lost a friend in the process.

 

The friend choose her over him. It is over between them, he knows that and does not want to deal with Calgary...he is a COWARD.

 

You have your right to an opinion. I opinion is that their actions are cruel and directed in hurting Calgary whether they be intentional or not. It was just plain wrong. There's 11 billion people on this planet and she choosen one of his friends to hook up with, KNOWING that it would hurt him. Is it revenge for her to hook up with one of his friends for dumping her? I'm not a betting man, but my money is on that. She wanted to make him hurt as much as she was hurting for him dumping her. It's frickin obvious.

 

I don't think she hooked up with Calgary's friend for revenge or to purposely hurt him. She was dumped, hurting,someone came along and gave her a chance. She took it.

 

Calgary needs to stop the whining and be assured that his decision to dump this girl was the right decision. He needs to realize that when you dump someone they have no allegiance to you (the dumper) anymore. They are free to do whatever they want. It is a risk that comes with dumping someone and if you are not prepared to totally let go then you should not have dumped them in the first place.

Edited March 20, 2013 by destroyed4sho

[Chi townD]

Okay, so we agree to disagree.

 

You think that what the Ex is doing is the best thing since sliced pie and it's a fairybook romanance that's been written for the ages and he should rejoice in their happiness.

 

Where I think that it was an underhanded d*ck move by both of them with the full intention of him finding out and making him eat crow. It was an unnecessary move on them to hurt him even further.

 

so, we're at a stalemate. I'll go ahead and give the guy some support and you'll just go on calling him a wuss and reap what you sow stuff....

[fancy feast]

You had good reason to break up with her. Your friend is kind of a dick for hooking up with her against your wishes. You've given him the boot, so start working on not giving a **** about them. Every time the thought comes up, do something to distract yourself. Take it day by day.

[calgary]

my friend said this is a blatent rebound.. it's supposed to make me jealous it's supposed to make me sad.. she feels like she has 1 up on me right now.. she obviously still cares what I think if she's searching for my facebook and feeling guilty.. it's not like she has no feelings what so ever..

 

he said she'll come back because she'll feel terrible and get used for a quick f*ck.

 

I did a lot for her and she won't appreciate it until she gets messed around.

 

the second she comes back i'll tell her where to go . I'm done.

 

I made the right decision.. her doing this proved it to me. I shouldn't be upset over a girl or a friend like this.. but I obviously am, I can't look back with happy thoughts. I can't see her in a positive way at all. I really didn't want this relationship to end, I loved her so much apart from these issues but they were tearing me apart and she didn't care.. I cared a lot about her and if she threatened me with a break up because my behaviour was breaking her heart i'd stop because she meant that much to me... I obviously didn't mean that much to her.