Aedra Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend's mother died several years ago from alcoholism and he has alot of her stuff collecting dust in his apartment. To summarize their relationship, he misses his mother but the last few years were living hell dealing with her. He holds alot of painful memories. The other day I mentioned how I was looking for good quality watercolor paper, since I am trying to rekindle my passion for art. Good watercolor paper can be pretty expensive too. He mentioned how his mother used to be into painting and had lots of art equipment, including some high quality watercolor paper. I asked if I could possibly have some, but after some days of dancing around the subject he finally said no and that someday he wanted to get back into painting. I just figured since it was not being used and we were really close, it would be okay. Thing is, I remember him mentioned he had very little interest in painting not too long ago. I feel kind of insulted, to be honest. I figured he'd be generous enough, especially since I've sent him more then a few expensive things. The conversation then devolved into a discussion about how he didn't quite view me as real family since we weren't engaged, which stung beyond belief. Since this is LDR, I suppose that's understandable to a degree, but we've been with each other for 3 years, we've both seen each other in our respective countries and I lived with him for 2 months in the U.S. I've even met my potential in-laws. We skype with each other every single day for a considerable for hours. He said to me he saw me as family a few times. I see this man as much family as my relatives in real life. I am very close to him, he tells me how much I mean to him and so what he said really took me by surprise. Over some damned paper, really. I'm just really damned confused...what do you make of it? Was I being insensitive in regards to the sentimental value of this paper or am I rightfully allowed to be pretty upset? Edited March 19, 2013 by Aedra
CherryT Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I don't think you should be insulted. For one, it's not exactly his art equipment but it's his mothers. He holds a lot of painful memories because of how she passed and isn't ready to give up her things yet. That's fair. He didn't offer it to you, he would've if he wanted you to have it. I've been through a lot of death and although I may not use some of the things, I wouldn't give it away because they hold sentimental value to me. I would be pretty upset if someone asked me to give them something of my passed loved one. No matter who they are... I don't know, I just wouldn't ask for it. Even if it was offered to me, I wouldn't take it. That's just me though. Perhaps you asking for it or acting like it wasn't a big deal took him off guard which is why he didn't feel like you're "family". It may still be a big deal to him if he's mourning as it was tragic. Watching someone do that to themselves the last few years of their lives and then passing is traumatic. You may not realize you put a wedge between yourself and his mom, but he could've completely taken it that way. He's just not ready for the "what mine is yours and yours is mine" and you sprung in like that was expected. With that being said, 3 years is a long time and if you're at that age where marriage etc is realistic, maybe it's time to ask him where this is going? Where he sees your relationship. I don't think it has anything to do with the piece of paper, it's just the tipping point. 2
justwhoiam Posted April 3, 2013 Posted April 3, 2013 what do you make of it? See if he said those things out of anger. Hopefully he didn't mean to say that. Was I being insensitive in regards to the sentimental value of this paper Yes. or am I rightfully allowed to be pretty upset? You are, if you're upset for hearing he doesn't consider you as family, not about him not giving you that paper. So ask him if he really meant that. And also apologize for not being understanding about his mother's stuff.
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