HuggyKitty Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 He lies to me about both big and little things, and he has since the very start of our relationship a year ago. I stupidly moved in with him after 3 months of long distance dating to find that he had lied to me about getting his ex pregnant, calling other girls pet names, regularly talking to people he slept with, watching porn, etc. I would have a problem with ANY of these if he didn't just lie to me about it. He had been hiding how he treats about ten different girls online like they are his girlfriend as well, he was entirely hung up on his ex (broken up for a year when we started dating), he constantly goes behind my back, and hides things from me. We have had several huge fall outs where he promises me he will change. I scream at him and yesterday I told him he is fat and lazy, and now I'm realizing that the lies he tells me make me so angry, I can be verbally abusive towards him. But that's nothing new for him, he screams and yells and cusses at me and will go out of his way to make me feel like I am crazy. He scares me so much that i have to out my pepper spray in my pocket, and proceeds to tell me he isn't abusive. There was one time I repeatedly screamed at him to stop touching me sexually, and only got infuriated with me when I made him realize he was molesting me at that point. He has been hiding smoking cigarettes from me, even when I can smell them on him he lies straight to my face. I have no friends or family here. We have 3 other MALE roommates, all his old friends, who always take his side, and don't think it's a problem that he lies to me. They will lie to me to help him lie. I left a home for a place in which I feel alienated now. I want to stay with him but I want it to just be me and him. Like it was supposed to be in the first place. He really is the man who has ever loved me the most. Sometimes he buys me flowers. He spends a lot of his time with me because we are best friends. We go out on dates and when we want to, we have a really good time. But I know that this living situation will not change. I feel like I have to break up with my boyfriend and leave him because of our roommates. Otherwise, I would stay and work on our relationship. But there's no point in me getting worked up about the messes and getting stressed about about what they did to the carpet this time if they are just going to lie for him and help his unfair behavior.
Foxy Brown Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 HuggyKitty, reread what you wrote. Do best friends lie to each other? I have never been friends with anyone who scared me so much that I had to carry pepper spray on me. Think about it for a minute. Would your boyfriend be any less abusive if his roomies weren't there? Do you really want to be alone with someone who doesn't respect you enough to stop sexually touching you when you tell him, who scares you so much that you carry pepper spray? I don't think the problem is the roommates. I think the problem is that he doesn't respect you and it sounds like he doesn't care about you, either. So what if he buys you flowers? He might be sending gifts to his 10 other online "girlfriends" as well. Is it ok for him to molest you and then turn around and take you on a date? That is NOT love. My advice to you is that you get out of there. Stop making excuses. It's blatantly obvious that you're unhappy, so why prolong it? Pack your bags and go, and don't look back. Love yourself enough to know that you deserve more in a relationship. 1
TaserTag Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I completely agree with Foxy. It was so strange to read your post about an abusive boyfriend and then get to the sudden shift where you start blaming his roommates for everything that he does. Getting rid of his roommates will not change anything, and getting someone flowers every once in a while does not make up for lying, cheating and being abusive the rest of the time. You don't need to break up with your boyfriend and leave him because of his roommates. You need to break up with him and leave because he lies to you, cheats on you, is verbally, emotionally, sexually and physically abusive, and he frightens you. You've reached a point where you're responding to him with verbal abuse and pepper spray. You need to just dump him and move out before it gets even worse... 1
Author HuggyKitty Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks for reading my post. He's a very manipulative man and I really want to believe that he is good. I feel so foolish. I have been crying all morning because my sister is coming over to help me move out while he is at work. I just feel very out of control and helpless. This morning he told me to think about the good, and that I just feel this miserable and want to leave because I am thinking about the bad. I asked him to help me, I told him that I need him, and he told me he doesn't know what makes me happy. He can't even follow his own advice, and its stuff like this that helps me realize that he's just manipulating me. He makes me feel like everything is my fault, and he doesn't feel like he has to be sorry sometimes. One moment he is hot, and the next he is cold. I just don't understand what's so wrong with me that I am making up excuses for his own behavior. I do know that I don't want to leave my job or drop out of college. If I leave him I will have to leave this year of my life entirely behind, and suffer the consequences of quitting my job on short not is and dropping out of college.
MidwestUSA Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Do NOT drop out of school. Do NOT quit your job. Focus on getting moved out and settled elsewhere. Lean on your sister for support. Hang in there. Hugs!
serial muse Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks for reading my post. He's a very manipulative man and I really want to believe that he is good. I feel so foolish. I have been crying all morning because my sister is coming over to help me move out while he is at work. I just feel very out of control and helpless. This morning he told me to think about the good, and that I just feel this miserable and want to leave because I am thinking about the bad. I asked him to help me, I told him that I need him, and he told me he doesn't know what makes me happy. He can't even follow his own advice, and its stuff like this that helps me realize that he's just manipulating me. He makes me feel like everything is my fault, and he doesn't feel like he has to be sorry sometimes. One moment he is hot, and the next he is cold. I just don't understand what's so wrong with me that I am making up excuses for his own behavior. I do know that I don't want to leave my job or drop out of college. If I leave him I will have to leave this year of my life entirely behind, and suffer the consequences of quitting my job on short not is and dropping out of college. Wait, why is it either-or? Can't you move out but retain your job and college education?? You could find roommates. And as for the "think about the good" - there's almost always some good even in a highly toxic relationship. But that doesn't mean the overall balance is healthy or worth it to stick around. This relationship doesn't sound good for you. Leaving seems quite obviously the right choice, even if you do decide you have to start over elsewhere.
Author HuggyKitty Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Do NOT drop out of school. Do NOT quit your job. Focus on getting moved out and settled elsewhere. Lean on your sister for support. Hang in there. Hugs! I wish it was that easy I only get 10-15 hours per week at my job, so there is no way that I can afford an apartment here by myself. My entire family (including my sister) lives 4 hours away, and I took a huge risk jumping into this relationship. I was stupid and out of anger I had my name taken off the lease to our apartment yesterday, so he can pretty much kick me out whenever he wants. He signed to be the sole leaseholder. So now I have to either cut my losses and go back to my hometown, or stay in apartment I don't feel welcome in while I find roommates on Craigslist. I am in pretty deep :/
MidwestUSA Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Yikes, I am so sorry to hear that. Will keep you in my prayers. A roommate sounds like your best option, but what a hassle trying to find one.
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