Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Mid last year, I dated a guy briefly who told me that he is not after a relationship but wants FWB. I went ahead mostly because I decided that maybe I need to try casual sex and see what that's like. I also really liked him (at the time) and enjoyed seeing him. Sex was not great, but I was kind of uncomfortable about the whole FWB thing so it ended. Ever since then he stayed in touch via texts ALL initiated by him. He texts a lot about his life and his problems. He suddenly told me how he screwed it up with me and how he would be willing to give relationship a go. I rejected him because I frankly didn't trust him and thought he just wanted 'nother round of sex. I never saw him again. He sometimes texts drunk at 2am I started to see him as a platonic friend and lately have been confiding in him whenever I felt I needed someone to talk to. He now is again saying how he wants to see me, wants a serious relationship etc. I should not re-consider him right? Emotionally, I have largely moved on - something I seem to to do with much more ease these days than I ever did in the past.
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 If the sex wasn't great, nothing else will be either.... 3
ja123 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Why wasn't the sex great? Was it a lack of emotional connection? Or he just didn't touch you the way you like to be touched, etc.?
ja123 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Also, I think it's possible for someone to go from not wanting a FWB to wanting a relationship. Could you see yourself in an LTR with this guy, if the FWB thing didn't happen? Does he have similar values, life-goals as you? Could you see yourself being married to this guy and having kids?
pyramid Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I'm one step behind you in an almost identical situation (except sex was great). We are in the platonic friends stage. We do hang out occasionally (not alone - that was too tempting) and we look to each other for advice. I don't know what I'd do if he came back and was ready for a relationship. He was very honest and forthcoming about what he was and wasn't ready for before, so I would believe him. I just got so hurt through the whole FWB thing (not his fault - I had feelings) that I don't want to go through that again. But we get along great, awesome chemistry, similar lifestyles, kids same age, etc. At this point I would do it. If it was further out and I was more emotionally removed? Hard to say! It's tough, I absolutely sympathize.
MidwestUSA Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Bad, bad idea. Drunken texts, dumping on you about his problems? Bad sex? Nope. 5
veggirl Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I don't see the problem in going on a date or two with him if he is looking for a relationship now, assuming you are looking for the same thing. 4
FitChick Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 There are plenty of couples who got back together long after they split up. Nothing to lose by it. Now you have a foundation of friendship after screwing other people and being dissatisfied with shallow relationships, so it might work. Sex can improve if you both want it to.
tuxedo cat Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I vote no. Bad sex, only wants you when he can't have you, dumping on you about his problems, poor boundaries.
sillyanswer Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 The sex wasn't great. I get the feeling that you like good sex. You should seek someone with whom the sex is great (plus all the other relationship stuff you might like, too). Getting re-involved with him is a bad idea. And you know it.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I don't see the problem in going on a date or two with him if he is looking for a relationship now, assuming you are looking for the same thing. I agree. A date or two won't hurt.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) I don't see the problem in going on a date or two with him if he is looking for a relationship now, assuming you are looking for the same thing. And because of that simple mentality is why women continue to be strung along and played for fools. But I do not foresee that changing anytime soon...so there you go internet forum anonymous male readers, get em while they're hot! Unfortunately women are easily persuaded, you don't realize how many men often do this and with 1 to 3 different women at the same time. Why is he ready now? What's changed? Why you? It's not you...men typically go backwards thinking they passed something up, but when they get it again they realize it wasn't really what they wanted...they just forgot what they left and their own delusions filled their head. Without some strong realistic evidence, I wouldn't even see why he'd be worth considering a second shot....personally, as a man and knowing men, I would strongly suggest it's a bad idea. And let's face it....the sex was bad...how much of a buzzkill is that. Edited March 19, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas 3
Frogwife Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Unfortunately women are easily persuaded, you don't realize how many men often do this and with 1 to 3 different women at the same time. . Women do, too... the men just don't know about it... 1
carhill Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I'd pass. Not exactly the consistent and high interest you (OP) require for satisfying interpersonal relations.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Women do, too... the men just don't know about it... Ohhh trust me, I know all about that! But yes, most men think too highly of themselves like they're the only shining star in her sky...when it's more like "may the best man win".
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 I have passed on it. I can tell his patterns of behaviour. This guy actually chased me for 6 months just to get the first date with me. I wasn't ready because my LTR ended even though I found him attractive. After I gave in, only few dates later he suggested FWB. Uh what? And now because I have moved on and am cold towards him, he *thinks* he wants me again. He gets off on the thrill of the chase and would just repeat the same thing again. Plus his bedroom skills leave a lot to be desired lol. Nope, not playing that game again. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Women do, too... the men just don't know about it... Haha yes Relationship is a bad idea for me now due to personal circumstances. But there are more desirable options currently if I wanted one.
Star Gazer Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 "The sex was not great." That should be the end of the discussion. Add on that he was emotionally unavailable then and is only hot after you now because you rejected him, and you've got even more reason to stay far away. I'd cease all contact with him, to be blunt. 4
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Haha yes Relationship is a bad idea for me now due to personal circumstances. But there are more desirable options currently if I wanted one. On or off LS?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 On or off LS? What a loaded question Both if you must know 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 What a loaded question Both if you must know Oh my...::presses hand against chest like a prude::
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Oh my...::presses hand against chest like a prude:: oh ninja, you are my only option (that's the type of stuff men want to hear. And they totally believe it too ) 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 oh ninja, you are my only option (that's the type of stuff men want to hear. And they totally believe it too ) Ha...I think that's just people in general.. ::sings Beyonce:: You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you by tomorrow So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable ::disgruntled neighbors calling police::
mortensorchid Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 First of all, no. Second, change you cell number so he can't reach you again.
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