DiasFlac Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Alright guys. So long story short, I got involved with a girl. Within a few weeks we where in bed together a few times. She became clingy for a bit, and then as the relationship went on, I got clingy. This pushed her away and we have been just friends for a solid 6 months after the incident. I got myself together. Cut her off. She came back. And I've been building the comfort level ever since. I had her comfortable enough this recent weekend to have my arm around her for a few minutes, she did not move away. So here's the problem. Today I text her, I want to express that I enjoyed her company and am very happy we found a way to stay friends. ( she was afraid to sleep with me, as she did not want to ruin the friendship.) And that I'm glad she is trusting me again. To that she replies "as long as you are aware that nothing extra is happening. You have been giving vibes that say you think it could again." respond with "oh no. I am very well aware that you will never trust me like that again. In your position I never would either. So I understand." She says "good. No offense of course. Just don't want you misinterpriting or reading into anything. But I had a good time Saturday." Then she immediately says "we should plan a drinking night and play some cards soon. Preferably a weekend." This really seriously confused me. I am hoping that she wants it to just happen all in the moment. So she has deniability. Oh we where just playing cards and it happened. I just can't understand why she would right after telling me nothing is happening, invites me to get drunk with her. Wtf is that lol. She is not the type to lead on at all either. So anyone have any ideas? Thanks so much in advance for reading all this crap ;p She says "good Link to post Share on other sites
fungusamungus Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 What exactly is there to interpret? I feel like she made herself quite clear... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 This really seriously confused me. I am hoping that she wants it to just happen all in the moment. So she has deniability. Oh we where just playing cards and it happened. I just can't understand why she would right after telling me nothing is happening, invites me to get drunk with her. Wtf is that lol. She is not the type to lead on at all either. So anyone have any ideas? Yes of course... You're a FWB. How could you not get that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) Alright, Im not sure you guys understand. She was ok with touching, Then told me that benefits wont be happening and that I should forget about it, But she had a good time saturday with the touching. Then invited me to get drunk........How exactly did you come to your conclusion's? Please show your work if possible. Edited March 19, 2013 by DiasFlac Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 FWB usually does, but need not always necessarily, include sex. You're a companion to pass the time with. Friend-zoned. relegated to 'Buddy-level'. She enjoys your company, feels 'safe' with you, but has told you in no uncertain terms that this is as far as it goes. Period. Are you ok with that, or do you have deeper feelings for her and want more? if you do, then you need to get out.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 Alright, Now I understand. Thank you for your extension I do have deeper feelings. But she is also a great friend to me, For the last year even, and I enjoy her company that way as well. The pain still exists though I control it really well now. I can absolutely handle being just friends and will. I dont fully believe in getting out, Because you never know whats going to happen in 1 year or 5, And unless there is a really good reason to break it off, I see no reason to not keep options open. Especially because she still shows small signals of possibly wanting more in the future. Also I am told that the friend-zone is easier to escape if you did well with your first impression (which I did, I was the awesome alpha male she could not get enough of for the first 3 months) and as long as you have been in bed together, As opposed to never sleeping together friend-zoned. Do you feel this is true? I feel like im at the point where maybe I should just try to sneak some friendly cuddling time and keep building the sexual tension and comfort till it just happens. Though im pretty new to the art of seduction, But im learning as fast as I can. So im not sure that is a legitimate strategy. I feel like you can offer a lot of insight, I have been trying to find the right forum for a long time. I appreciate your kindness and your wisdom Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Your patience, tenacity and persistence is admirable. but be careful that you do not put your own life and potential happiness on hold for her. The way things seem to be progressing at the moment, is not in your favour. I would hate you to sacrifice your own future happiness, by waiting for her, only for her to tell you in some future moment that 'hey guess what? She has met this great guy.....' Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 Well thank you for your kind words and your consideration for my happiness of course I have been plagued by that exact problem my whole life. About a year ago I set out to rid myself of chasing to the point of putting my happiness in jeopardy. The best way I could come up with to do this is to just meet a lot of women, And not necessarily look for anything more than friends. I went from knowing like 4 girls i talk to on a regular basis, to knowing like 18. Granted I dont go to bed with many, as im not trying to. My logic is that if i have abundance, Then that will flow over to other areas of my life, Such as confidence. Making me even more attractive, Just because im around other women. Along with gaining more and more practice with the female conversational style of relating and wordplay. Painting pictures in the mind with proper articulation is a fun practice thing for me im weird. So far results are working pretty well. But I of course still have a little trouble here and there ;p Otherwise I would not be posting here and i would blow it off and not worry about it. Link to post Share on other sites
fungusamungus Posted March 19, 2013 Share Posted March 19, 2013 Especially because she still shows small signals of possibly wanting more in the future. Also I am told that the friend-zone is easier to escape if you did well with your first impression (which I did, I was the awesome alpha male she could not get enough of for the first 3 months) and as long as you have been in bed together, As opposed to never sleeping together friend-zoned. Do you feel this is true? Her letting you put your arm around her isn't showing a signal that she possibly wants more in the future. The entire point of her telling you that it isn't going to go further is to discourage you from seeing her actions as "signals". Look, she's comfortable with you, but that doesn't mean that she's into you. Just because you guys had sex before doesn't mean you're not in the friend-zone. First impressions are important, but lasting impressions are more important. It doesn't really matter how she saw you at the beginning, it's important how she sees you now. Especially considering how people act at the beginning of dating tends to be a little bit... artificial. If you have to tell us that you were "an awesome alpha male" at the beginning, that pretty much says it all. Consider it like this... if you met a girl who was sweet, charming, etc. etc. but then turned into a psychopath once you dated her for a while, would you get back with her just because she was sweet and charming at the start? I get what you are doing, there's nothing wrong with it. You tested the waters a little bit to see where you were at, and she told you where you stood. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 19, 2013 Author Share Posted March 19, 2013 Which is exactly why I asked for an interpretation. I wanted to be sure objectively that I was skewing thing in my head the way I wanted to see them. This shows me that it's over, But at least now I can cut off that thread in my head and just keep her around as a friend. Thank you all for your comments, It has helped me deal with this problem swiftly and easily Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 Alright. So I'm going to bump this post with an update, as opposed to starting a new one. Cause the beggining of this thread started all this. So now this update comes the night after cards and drinking with her. We had a great time, but now I'm confused beyond belief. I took the advice of the people on this post, as well as friends IRL. Everyone said she was trying to solidy us being "just friends". Thing being on the night we drank and hung out, she was whipping a fair amount of indicators of interest out. For one, we have a rule, when you miss a drink cause your not paying attention , you take a penalty drink. Well I never pay attention. But this time she just starts making sure I take every drink possible. Calling penalty drink while laughing constantly. She also kept saying things like "you and I knew right away" and "we are always on the same page". I caught her looking at me a few times. She laughed at everything I said, and I considered nothing I said that night funny. All of this just seems very out of place for just telling me we are just friends. These are all things she did in the beggining, when she was attracted to me. I'm very good at reading body language, but not mixed signals. Can someone please give me some insight into why her body language now randomly says she wants me? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Alright. So I'm going to bump this post with an update, as opposed to starting a new one. Cause the beggining of this thread started all this. So now this update comes the night after cards and drinking with her. We had a great time, but now I'm confused beyond belief. I took the advice of the people on this post, as well as friends IRL. Everyone said she was trying to solidy us being "just friends". Thing being on the night we drank and hung out, she was whipping a fair amount of indicators of interest out. For one, we have a rule, when you miss a drink cause your not paying attention , you take a penalty drink. Well I never pay attention. But this time she just starts making sure I take every drink possible. Calling penalty drink while laughing constantly. She also kept saying things like "you and I knew right away" and "we are always on the same page". I caught her looking at me a few times. She laughed at everything I said, and I considered nothing I said that night funny. All of this just seems very out of place for just telling me we are just friends. These are all things she did in the beggining, when she was attracted to me. I'm very good at reading body language, but not mixed signals. Can someone please give me some insight into why her body language now randomly says she wants me? Yeah, i'm not seeing much there at all. There's nothing there that would indicate anything concrete. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 What would you consider conceret? All of those IOI's are listed as main signs that a female is interested. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 THESE ARE NOT MIXED SIGNALS!! She has Friend-zoned you!! She has told you - 'there is nothing there, so don't push it.' She has now fully assumed you have got the message, so she can fully relax with you, because she is under he impression that you and she are on the same page. As close buddies. She can let her hair down, be herself, have fun, engage with you on all levels, because - GET THIS PLEASE!! - you are exactly like a Best female friend!! She is fully comfortable letting her guard down because she believes you got the message: "This is as far as you go, buddy!" Please, please understand: You are desperately seeking to read something - anything - that would indicate she is changing her mind - She ISN'T! You're doing this to yourself. She isn't doing anything; she's not sending any subliminal messages, any hidden signals or any indication that brother, you have a way in here! You're reading way too much into this. You're adding 1 + 1 and coming up with 26.... You are sooo friend-zoned - and you can't even see it. All your efforts have an ulterior motive. All you are trying to do is to get further with her. And you just can't see that you're doing nothing of the kind. See, women are perfectly happy to have friendships with men, with no intention of taking it any further. We are. Men - can't. Men always have an underlying sexual agenda. YOU'RE the one with the hidden motives - she isn't. Buddy, if you have any hopes here of being able to take it further, you really need to bail now, because you are heading for major pain here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 What would you consider conceret? All of those IOI's are listed as main signs that a female is interested. Not really. Those are friendzone type signals. I've had female friends act in the same manner. None of those signals are big deals at all. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 And that ^^^ is a guy speaking. He can see it a mile off - I think you need to take those rose-tinted spec's off for a clearer view, TbH.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 How is it that cutting all ties to her, is somehow going to help me get further. Especially when I just did that, which is why we are at the stage we are at. This is also why I posted here, cause this place is a place to ask about whether or not I'm just being an idiot, or if I have a shot. So there is really no reason to be condescending about it. Cause this post is what these forums are for, are they not? I don't understand why I can't just be friends with her, while I try my hand with other females as well. Why does it have to be GTFO NOW! I don't see why I can't just chill, bide my time while having fun with other girls, and just see where the future takes things. I'm the only one who can ever cause me mental pain anyway, so if I don't allow it to hurt, then it won't. So I'm not sure how I'm cruising for pain. If I'm not getting my hopes up. I can read into the situation, post on here to see what up, and then choose what to do from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 Yet you lack an answer to my question :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Because if you stick around, there's no reason for her to change her relationship with you. You basically are a permanent backup plan, a safety net, if you stick around. However, if you back off and become unavailable, or at least not readily available, it gets her thinking. Women like a challenge, they like adventure. They aren't attracted to lapdogs, they aren't attracted to guys who are overtly trying to go after other women to make them jealous. Anyway, you need to stop being defensive. I've been in your shoes. I've gone over signals like you typed out in my head and convinced myself they meant something, only to figure out they meant nothing except that she likes me "as a friend." A woman who likes you won't be subtle. They'll want to hang out with you one-on-one all the time. They'll put off their friends to spend time with you. They'll suggest things such as trips together. They'll refer to you as one unit. They'll put their hands all over you and be cool with you putting their hands all over them. They'll sleep in your bed without asking. They'll wear your clothes. They'll ask you to stay over. They'll ask you to come in for a drink after the night is over. A girl laughing at your jokes is nice, but it doesn't mean anything except that she finds you funny. A girl paying attention to you during drinking games doesn't mean anything either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 And as I stated. She does most of those. In fact you just told me those where not concrete. Sigh, this place is worthless lol. Peace Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 And as I stated. She does most of those. In fact you just told me those where not concrete. Sigh, this place is worthless lol. Peace I told you the drinking game thing and her laughing at your jokes were worthless. Because they are. But go ahead and bitch and moan and pout because we don't agree with you. Why even come to this site if you are going to whine when people don't tell you what you want to hear? Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 Wow judge me on one post. Good job. Maybe go read the OP and see if you have the same opinion. Considering I took her advice straight out. Because she was kind about it! And she said in in a nice articulated way that had logic behind it. Rather than just contradicting themselves and pointing out my faults. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 Admin, please close this thread. Thank you, problem has been resolved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DiasFlac Posted March 31, 2013 Author Share Posted March 31, 2013 For the record. You quoted my whole post Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted March 31, 2013 Share Posted March 31, 2013 Wow judge me on one post. Good job. Maybe go read the OP and see if you have the same opinion. Considering I took her advice straight out. Because she was kind about it! And she said in in a nice articulated way that had logic behind it. Rather than just contradicting themselves and pointing out my faults. You said you got some interesting signals and I said I didn't find them interesting and you threw a fit and started whining. And I read the rest of your thread and my opinion hasn't changed. It sounds like you had a physical connection early, but now you don't. And from what you have described since then it doesn't seem like she's giving you any concrete signals that she wants anything. Everything you've describe since she made the declaration that you weren't going to get any sounds friendzony. I've had girls give me all of those same signals and they didn't mean anything except that they thought of me as a "good friend". That's all I was saying. For whatever reason you decided to go nuts about that. Link to post Share on other sites
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