coffeeloverx Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I just need to get this out somewhere. If you remember my last post, I had a complete meltdown, cut my hair and was just not in a good place. Well, I went to a hairdresser, went to my therapist and overall, things have been good. Talking to somebody helps tremendously. However, lately. I've been missing him, like missing him the way I did in the beginning of the BU. We've been NC for about 6 months. BU for 9 months in total. I just don't know. What do you do when you hit these walls? I'm doing so good at attempting to move on too. I just. Any advice?
RiceaRoni Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I just need to get this out somewhere. If you remember my last post, I had a complete meltdown, cut my hair and was just not in a good place. Well, I went to a hairdresser, went to my therapist and overall, things have been good. Talking to somebody helps tremendously. However, lately. I've been missing him, like missing him the way I did in the beginning of the BU. We've been NC for about 6 months. BU for 9 months in total. I just don't know. What do you do when you hit these walls? I'm doing so good at attempting to move on too. I just. Any advice? Like you, there are times where I miss my ex terribly and still wish he were part of my life.. But I just keep reminding myself that he isn't the person I used to love and care for anymore...otherwise he probably would have stayed.. And I tell myself that if he still wanted me in his life. He would make an effort. Remember that you should never have to fight for a spot in someone's life. And also that missing someone is a part of moving on Big hugs ~~
cdt76 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 When you are in a situation such as your's, where you have spent so much time and thought on him, the relationship, the loss, those feelings end up perpetuating themselves. You begin to only feel good when you are feeling your worst. This is your brain telling you that something is drastically wrong. I was where you are once. You begin to live through a series of rituals, doing things you know you have to do, like showering, brushing your teeth, cleaing the dishes, yard work, grocery shopping. But all these things are done with an underlying nagging, persistent thought of the loss. What I did, may or may not work for you. But I began a conscious effort to find pleasure in the little things that we take for granted every day of our lives. The way the hot water of the shower feels on your head in the morning. The quiet cold when you start the car in the morning and see your breath. The taste of your favorite food. The way your plants respond to water and heat and love. The sound of birds ourside your window on a Saturday morning. You must find these little things in your life and you must concentrate on them. You must break the cycle of your thoughts, which are in the past and begin to concentrate on the future and what makes you happy. You must change the way you think and you must want to. Because healing does not come without work and effort. You can remain stuck in the past or do something to fix your future. So many of us remain stuck in the past because we are afraid of the future. Focus on the little things and soon you will be living your future. 6
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