Rocky road Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 How big of a role does your friends input play into you decision to dump a dude. And does the amount of time you have spent with the guy matter? 1
OwlSoul Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 The opinion of my friends never affected any of my relationships. If they'd be like 'He doesn't worth you' and etc. I'd most likely feel totally opposite and hold the side of the guy. It depends on the person. But yeah, it really matters whether you managed to get emotionally close.
Addison312 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 None, but if they didn't like the guy, it helped after it was over.
KraftDinner Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 None, but if there was something about an ex that I knew they would look down on, I wouldn't tell them. So I worry about what they think, but don't let it affect what I think. I think guys think women rely on their friends' opinions when making decisions more than they actually do. I've always thought of it like a big of blame deflection: "I'm not really that bad; her friends brainwashed her." Which is also kind of insulting, as if their girlfriend has no mind of her own. Yes, the amount of time we've been together would matter.
Author Rocky road Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 I only asked is because when my break up went down over one weekend she happened to be staying with her gf (i know her) and she is actually a doctor and has not ever really liked me. She stayed another weekend and she is even creepier now.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Neither matters. If a relationship no longer meets my needs, I end it rather than stringing my boyfriend along.
OwlSoul Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I only asked is because when my break up went down over one weekend she happened to be staying with her gf (i know her) and she is actually a doctor and has not ever really liked me. She stayed another weekend and she is even creepier now. Maybe you felt it like that nothing good will come out if your gf would stay with her friend? So somehow showed this up, and your gf started acting according to your emotions?
ThatJustHappened Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 If anything, if my friends don't like my boyfriend, it makes me defensive..it makes me even more determined to make things work with him.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I only asked is because when my break up went down over one weekend she happened to be staying with her gf (i know her) and she is actually a doctor and has not ever really liked me. She stayed another weekend and she is even creepier now. But she had dated you even though the friend disapproved. You end a relationship because you are no longer satisfied in it. In your shoes, I might focus on how I could handle relationships differently moving forward. What did you learn from your experience? What can you improve? How will you change? That will help you far more in future relationships than blaming someone because you want answers and an explanation. 1
Mayfare Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 None at all. If I'm in love and happy, I'll find a reason to make it work despite what anyone thinks. She probably just sought comfort from someone who would take her side (a friend that wasn't your biggest fan) after she ended it, but her friend most likely didn't influence her decision at all.
Sugarkane Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 None. I'll keep seeing the person if they male me happy. Other people's opinions don't really come into it. I judge it on if the person makes me happy. I have a friend and I don't like their boyfriend. Yet they haven't broken up just because what I think.
Neffer Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I don't consult my friends that way, I really make the decision myself. I may vent to them about problems in the relationship, but I don't need my hand held. If you have been dumped just take it at face value. Searching for meaning in it is pointless as it won't resuscitate the relationship and will likely only make you feel worse. Sometimes peoples feelings shift or change. It happens. There is no explanation that you will willingly accept. You need to move on from it
Thunderchild Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I know a friend of my ex who got into one of these life-coaching/cult-y things that has ben going around for a while now. I saw her change quite markedly over the space of around two to three years. My ex didn't see it as she was a lot closer to the friend than I was. I didn't see this friend on a regular basis, but the ex did. She started trotting out the ususal nonsense about being "empowered" and "embracing how special she was" and "not being able to fulfill her true potential/destiny". Lo, and behold, she split from her husband of nearly 30 years to ".....be independent", Strange how she's still living in the same house with him, hasn't gotten herself a job yet and is still sponging from him.
Thunderchild Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I don't consult my friends that way, I really make the decision myself. I may vent to them about problems in the relationship, but I don't need my hand held. If you have been dumped just take it at face value. Searching for meaning in it is pointless as it won't resuscitate the relationship and will likely only make you feel worse. Sometimes peoples feelings shift or change. It happens. There is no explanation that you will willingly accept. You need to move on from it To paraphrase Freud "All human behaviour has purpose" - even the most irrational decisions have foundation in what we knowingly want or need. Even people who go back time and time again to abusive relationships do have free will and an ability to change their behaviour. They do not, because at some level they get something from being in abusive relationships - whether that is drama, sympathy, attention whatever. People's feeling shift or change - usually because of some external condition or circumstance - like meeting someone they are more attracted to. People are not passive "reactors" to some strange mythical internal process which magically changes their feelings. "It just happened" is a cop out, it's an excuse (nothing more). 1
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