bu2002 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Hey there. Hope any of you can chime in. To give you a brief overview -Met this girl online. Chatted for like 3 or 4 days before deciding to meet up. -Went on a casual pre-date meetup for coffee. Then have had 4 real dates consisting of a couple of dinners, visit to the park/late followed by ice cream, and the movies. This all happened over 3 weeks. -We kissed for the first time after the 3rd real date When we kissed/made out for the first time, I didn't really get any sort of feeling of attachment...That vibe or spark or whatever you call it. It was cold outside so I thought maybe it was because my blood flow was focused on keeping me warm. I like hanging out with her. The time passes and we have good conversation and our backgrounds are similar. We had a great first date talking the entire time. I'm totally comfortable around her. When we kissed a 2nd time after going to the movies, it was brief, but again, I didn't feel anything other than our lips touching. I feel good when I'm with her, it feels good when we're holding hands, however, when I'm not around her, I don't have any sort of euphoric feeling that I'm missing her. What kind of attachment should I be feeling after the 4th date? It's been awhile since I've truly dated and I almost forgot how one should feel. I know these things take time and not sure if I should be feeling stronger for her at this point or what. Thoughts?
pbjbear Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Oooooh I dont think that sounds good. Id say give it one more date with kissing and if you feel the same...stop seeing her. I found a big problem with OLD is that there were few men I felt actual chemistry with. You cant tell who you connect with chemically by talking to them online.
ls32ssibm Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Hey there. Hope any of you can chime in. To give you a brief overview -Met this girl online. Chatted for like 3 or 4 days before deciding to meet up. -Went on a casual pre-date meetup for coffee. Then have had 4 real dates consisting of a couple of dinners, visit to the park/late followed by ice cream, and the movies. This all happened over 3 weeks. -We kissed for the first time after the 3rd real date When we kissed/made out for the first time, I didn't really get any sort of feeling of attachment...That vibe or spark or whatever you call it. It was cold outside so I thought maybe it was because my blood flow was focused on keeping me warm. I like hanging out with her. The time passes and we have good conversation and our backgrounds are similar. We had a great first date talking the entire time. I'm totally comfortable around her. When we kissed a 2nd time after going to the movies, it was brief, but again, I didn't feel anything other than our lips touching. I feel good when I'm with her, it feels good when we're holding hands, however, when I'm not around her, I don't have any sort of euphoric feeling that I'm missing her. What kind of attachment should I be feeling after the 4th date? It's been awhile since I've truly dated and I almost forgot how one should feel. I know these things take time and not sure if I should be feeling stronger for her at this point or what. Thoughts? If you're smart, none. Attachment to dames is never a good thing, despite what you may believe. Especially from an OLD site, where everyone is expendable.
DollWelch Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 What kind of attachment should I be feeling after the 4th date? It's been awhile since I've truly dated and I almost forgot how one should feel. I know these things take time and not sure if I should be feeling stronger for her at this point or what. You should be feeling a spark of some sort. Or something like this or this . Otherwise, perhaps it may be time to move on. It's your call.
KatZee Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 She could be totally cool, but if there's no spark, then there's no spark. This is what differentiates a friend, from a lover. The first time I kissed my ex I had butterflies. If you feel the connection, you'll feel it when you kiss someone. Three weeks talking, 4 dates... if there was something there, you'd know it.
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Common dilemma, and you'll get lots of different opinions. Different people will handle it differently. Some people need an immediate spark or they bail. Other people are willing to give things a chance to grow. Past experience should guide you here. How have you landed in relationships in your past? Did you start off as friends then slowly build attraction and romantic tension? If so, maybe try another date. Or was there immediate chemistry, and you built a relationship from there with past girlfriends? If this is the case, call her up, and tell her that while she is a wonderful person, you don't feel any chemistry, just a strong connection as friends. Then go back online and keep looking. 1
Lani Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 You're clearly not into her, otherwise you would know. 4 dates is a sufficient amount of time to develop some feelings towards her, but that doesn't seem to be there. Cold weather or not. Sounds like you're more friends than lovers, but I doubt she'll be happy with that if she's feeling more.
mortensorchid Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I've been there myself. If you don't feel a spark immediately, you never will. It's a fact really. It doesn't matter if the person is gorgeous or ugly, if IT isn't there immediately, it won't be. Probably best to move on from it before you invest more time and energy into it.
Michelle83 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Oooooh I dont think that sounds good. Id say give it one more date with kissing and if you feel the same...stop seeing her. I found a big problem with OLD is that there were few men I felt actual chemistry with. You cant tell who you connect with chemically by talking to them online. I second this. I just went through this a while back with one guy. He was nice, we had good conversation, but the kiss left much to be desired and I didn't really have any sort of 'excitement' feeling about seeing him again. I ended it there though.. to me I didn't want him to think there was more hope by seeing him again. It'd just be harder to cut things off the further they went.
Gottabestrong Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I agree with most other posters. If you don't feel a spark when you kiss or 'miss her' when you are not together after 3 weeks and 4 dates, than it is probably not going to happen in the future either. My advice is for you to talk to her and see how she is feeling about you. Maybe she is feeling the same way and you two could transition into a friendship instead. If she is actually falling in love with you, then you should end it sooner rather than later in order to minimize the hurt for her.
iKING Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Sounds like you're minus a spark there my friend. Unfortunate really as it seems to be going well otherwise.
soccerrprp Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Yup, no "spark." Move on. I dated a woman for about 3-months w/o that "feeling." I was trying to figure out why I wasn't feeling more. She was everything, it seemed, that I liked in a woman, but I was still not feeling "more." Don't try to figure it out. Don't make the mistake I made by staying in the hopes that things will change. If that feeling isn't there early on, then it probably won't be.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Don't make my mistakes. No spark is no spark. Yes, very common with OLD. You should be feeling like you want to rip her clothes off 1
neveragain34 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I'm going to have to disagree with everyone. Some of the best relationships come from forming friendships first, which seems like what is happening here. It sounds like you enjoy spending time with her and there must be some sort of physical attraction for you to have kissed her. A lot of times, the "spark" you are referring to burns out just as quickly as it was lit up. Take it slowly and just see what happens. 1
dasein Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Not all the way in the friendship first camp, but do agree with neveragain that you may need more time to know, so also disagree with the thread for the most part. Would go on a couple more dates at least before deciding. Kiss her indoors next time. Good luck.
neveragain34 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Not all the way in the friendship first camp, but do agree with neveragain that you may need more time to know, so also disagree with the thread for the most part. Would go on a couple more dates at least before deciding. Kiss her indoors next time. Good luck. I'm with you. I didn't mean complete friendship first, but rather getting to know the person on various levels (not just physical) before calling it quits. He likes holding her hand, being around her, etc...I have the feeling that if he continues at this rate, the spark will come eventually and he will miss her in between dates. Now if he didn't enjoy his time with her and he was repulsed by her looks, then of course I'd say end it now, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Another thing about "sparks", I think they are something we tend to overidealize when looking for love. I wish it didn't take me 34 years to finally figure out some of these things!
soccerrprp Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I've read a few mentions of OLD as somehow being a factor. I don't know why this would be other than you already having misgivings about someone who is OLD. No spark should have NOTHING to do with whether you are OLD or not. Again, unless you have underlying bias or suspicions regarding people you date online.
truth_seeker Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 This happened to me with a girl. Make out sessions and afterwards no spark at all. You're best to move on.
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