markus36 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I've not really followed the NC rules here. I had my heartbroken, and went NC - and it didn't seem to work - maybe I didn't leave it too long - however, if I have limited contact with them now and again, that seems to make them less of a mystery. Has anyone else found something similar? Or is limited contact (LC) just scratching an itch that will feel good for a few days?
Simon Phoenix Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I've not really followed the NC rules here. I had my heartbroken, and went NC - and it didn't seem to work - maybe I didn't leave it too long - however, if I have limited contact with them now and again, that seems to make them less of a mystery. Has anyone else found something similar? Or is limited contact (LC) just scratching an itch that will feel good for a few days? Why would you want them to be less of a mystery? The less you know, the better it is. 3
KatZee Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 LC should be used if your ex is a partner with whom you have a child. What exactly is the point of your LC? Are you trying to be a friend? Are you trying to get him back? If neither of these things, being a "friend" is really pointless because you're not TRULY a friend are you. Your an ex who's hurting and it's not going to feel very good when you're "catching up" on one of your limited contact days and find out he's dating someone new.
Minneloa Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Well, how is LC working for you? Do you feel less heartbroken, and better able to move on with your own life without your ex?
Author markus36 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 My thoughts have been if I have no contact, I can easily imagine a "perfect" life for them - limited contact seems to allow me to hear that it's not all rosy - if that makes sense 1
Minneloa Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Frankly, I think the ultimate way to "neutralize" them is to ignore them. Being glad/relieved that their life without you is imperfect is a precarious emotional state; it keeps you engaged with them and dependent on a stream of information that could change at any time. For how long did you maintain NC?
destroyed4sho Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 My thoughts have been if I have no contact, I can easily imagine a "perfect" life for them - limited contact seems to allow me to hear that it's not all rosy - if that makes sense But how will you feel if they got married, promoted at work and life couldn't be better?. It will make you feel crappy right? Also, a lot of times exes lie/exaggerate about their happiness because they want to save face. My ex told her ex on the phone that she is engaged and getting married soon (to me)....and it couldn't of been farther from the truth. You will know you are over them if you imagine a perfect life for them and still not care. 3
RiceaRoni Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Why would you want them to be less of a mystery? The less you know, the better it is. I agree 100% The less you know the better...trust me. Yes knowledge is power, but in this situation. Ignorince is bliss
js1967 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I personally dont want to know anything. I dont want to find out anything by accident. I picture myself in that position...immediately it would be..."Oh..really, wow" the end result would be heartache and then more heartache. Ill stay living in the land of the blind. 1
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I think it depends on the situation like how or why you broke up and various other factors.
Sugarkane Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I've found that they can lie alot. Not everything they say is necessarily true. I'm better off without The lies and gloating though.
Mayfare Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I think it all depends on who you are and who your ex is. I want what I can't have, so not having him in my life at all hurts me worse than having him as a friend. He is probably one of the best people I know, so he will always take my calls or check in, and has no problem telling me he still cares about me and the BU is hard for him too. That said, it took us 2 months to get here. The first month I was a mess and couldn't believe we were really over, so I stayed friends in the hopes he'd come back. The next month I was in complete NC and I got extremely angry towards him and was just hurt in general, but realized the relationship was over. However, I stopped progressing with healing because I was so hurt and angry, so I decided to have a talk with him. I know what kind of person my ex is and I knew he would meet me to talk, which is the only reason I think it was okay to do this. After I vented to him about all my anger to him he apologized and told me how he felt. I felt so much better because I accepted the break up but also saw that he still cared about me and would always be there. Thus, I no longer saw him as unattainable and the NEED to have him vanished. I'm good with LC and the break up has been significantly easier on me since. I still have up and down emotions but they're much easier to deal with and don't last nearly as long. Instead of being super happy or angry one moment and then a sobbing mess the next, I'll have a fleeting sad thought and then I'm back on with my day. However, I would not recommend LC if your ex says hurtful things or plays games. If my ex pretended to be moving on fine or snubbed my request to meet, it would have set me back significantly. If you haven't fully accepted the breakup and think that LC will change his/her mind, LC will also set you back significantly as well.
Sugarkane Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 LC hasnt worked for me at all yet. I've had dumpers be really vindictive despite it being their choice. I was dumped cruelly and never contacted. A couple of my exes showed zero remorse and never questioned the situation. I've been so better without them and their arrogance. If LC works good luck to you.
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