JourneyLady Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 So... we are in a relationship and happy about it. Tell friends - they all congratulate and wish us happiness. I tell my mom - 1st thing out of her mouth "Oh No" in a disappointed tone. Because she automatically thinks boyfriend means this guy is going to mess me up financially like the last one did. So instead of sharing my happiness with her, I end up having to explain that he's a responsible person, has a job, doesn't need money from me, etc. etc. Instead of telling her all the reasons I really think he is wonderful. THIS is one reason why my family makes me depressed. I could tell her I was going to school and spending $10,000 and she would not react this way. It isn't as if it's habitual that I have made relationship mistakes either. The first guy after my divorce was actually good for me. He moved away and I decided not to follow -- but he didn't mess me up in any way. Wow. People in my family are pretty screwed up and we always thought it was my dad. I think I have had so much trouble with depression because I learned to think about things like my mother. And when I deviate from her kind of thinking, she knocks me down in some way. You wouldn't think I was in my 50's! I guess I just can't trust my family of origin anymore.
NeoGen85 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 If your mothers have no reason to worry you should be fine. She's can stay mad.
Emissary Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 My family doesn't know about my new girlfriend yet, though I'll be letting them in on it soon. I don't like talking about my fancies before it's certain we're going to be a legit couple. I'm fortunate that I actually knew the girl's mom long before I met her, and that I had always gotten on well with her mom. I think there was an initial reluctance in approving of me seeing her daughter since I'm 7 years older, but I think we were cool after about a week, she knows I'm an honest guy, and I beat the hell out of any of the prospects in her own age group. I'm thinking once they meet this girl, they will be convinced that I made the correct choice in pursuing her. Her hobbies and interests are very closely aligned with what my family would enjoy doing. She's got significant common interests with each individual in my immediate family. 1
Author JourneyLady Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Mostly I am just disappointed and wanted to be able to share my happiness with my family, like I can with my/our friends. My mother has always been like this, foreseeing disaster rather than good things. That's one of the reasons I have depressive episodes now and than, because she was a bad influence in that way. I've largely overcome that part of it. My daughter decided to deal with it by criticizing his looks. Sometimes I wish I didn't have family... I show empathy when something bad happens with them, I congratulate on the good stuff. But they can't do the same. It SUCKS!
Author JourneyLady Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Good luck! I hope your family is kinder and more appreciative than mine! My family doesn't know about my new girlfriend yet, though I'll be letting them in on it soon. I don't like talking about my fancies before it's certain we're going to be a legit couple. I'm fortunate that I actually knew the girl's mom long before I met her, and that I had always gotten on well with her mom. I think there was an initial reluctance in approving of me seeing her daughter since I'm 7 years older, but I think we were cool after about a week, she knows I'm an honest guy, and I beat the hell out of any of the prospects in her own age group. I'm thinking once they meet this girl, they will be convinced that I made the correct choice in pursuing her. Her hobbies and interests are very closely aligned with what my family would enjoy doing. She's got significant common interests with each individual in my immediate family.
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