cutygirl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 My bf (or ex-?) and I have been together (and living together) for almost 3 years. He just told me last week that he was depressed pretty much since he was14-15, but he had not been seeking help. I did find antidepresant in his home when we first started dating, i was worried but never mentioned anything and he never mentioned anything..... There were times that he just completely shut down and sometimes became snappy (but no physical or verbal abuse) mostly frustration and anger. I never connected the dot together and i never thought of depression. He told me last week that he was depressed and he wasnt happy about everything. His company also wants him to relocate to another province. He told me he had a violent past but he never touched me or even raised his voice to anyone, he didnt tell me anything about the violent past even i asked repetely. He said "Sorry, I can't do it anymore" when i asked him question. Since he was so confused so i pushed him, he said he needed his own time to figure things out, he needed time for himself. I asked him "So you don't want me anymore?" , he said "It is not like that. I dont think i have been treating you right, i have been treating you like garbage, and it is not fair." S0 i asked what does that mean, eventually I couldnt stand it i asked "Do you want to break up?" He thought for a while, and he was struggling, then he said "yes..." I cried and i wanted to pack and leave the house, he told me to stay because "Stay. This is your home now." I said "It is not my home if we are not together, I dont want to stay anymore" He then said he could leave , i broke down and before he went out to get fresh air, i hugged him and begged him not to leave (to somewhere else) and he promised to come home later. He did. The next day, I told him "You know what Marc?" He said "What?" I said "I don't think we need to break up." He asked "why?" I said "Because it is not the problem"...... he didnt say anything. We still sleep on the same bed (even no sex), we still talk, he still gives me money to spemd while he is away for 3 weeks for his work in another province. We have never talked about our relationship since that day, thinking we both need to figure things out. I try not to text him, but whenever i text him he still replies. So, are we in "No Contact" time?
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Once you start having talks like these things never go back to the way they were. That has been my experience anyways and I've been several situations like these. You will start feeling insecure because of him saying that he wants to break up. That will in turn make him want to break up with you even more. I know this is not what you want to hear but the best thing you can do right now is try to distance yourself from him. Ironically that will be your best chance of getting him back. Obviously this is just 1 person's opinion but I have been in many somewhat similar situations and they always seem to play out the same way.
Author cutygirl Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Thanks for the reply, i am open to different opinions, thats why I post my issue here online. Just wondering have you considered his depression has different effect on a relationship than , lets say, a person with no depression? i am worried about his depression more than we are actually beaking up, since i believe (and the other people i have talked to face to face) his depression has clouded him, and makes him unable to think logically.
asdfasdf1234 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Thanks for the reply, i am open to different opinions, thats why I post my issue here online. Just wondering have you considered his depression has different effect on a relationship than , lets say, a person with no depression? i am worried about his depression more than we are actually beaking up, since i believe (and the other people i have talked to face to face) his depression has clouded him, and makes him unable to think logically. What he is saying to you is a form of it's not you it's me. He feels guilty because he is breaking up with you and I'm sure he cares about you and he wants you to feel like it is not your fault and the reason that he is breaking up is because of him. Either way it really doesn't matter because the end result is the same and that is you guys are breaking up. I know it's hard to accept but the quicker you accept it the more painless it will be, the duration that is. I have said something similar in the past when I broke up with a girlfriend. I haven't realized it until recently but this is not a good thing to do because you make the person wonder whether or not it's something that can be fixed when in fact you just feel guilty and you want them to not feel as bad.
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