todreaminblue Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I do this at times, too - a puppy that was left outside when dad was making his deliveries last year, made me laugh and laugh, like a little girl. My dog, Rita, used to have that effect on me. I do love that feeling. One little girl made my week when she beamed at me in the bookstore. I smiled at her, and she *beamed*. I couldn't help smiling again at that, and she did it again, several times. It was just before Christmas, and it was like an early christmas gift. Sometimes compliments make me self-conscious - I can feel as awkward about compliments as I can over someone insulting me or making a scene. Over the past few months, I thought that I was losing a friendship. I was feeling really sad about it, until a mutual friend created a group on Facebook, for a whole group of us. She said she missed us, and wanted to group us in one place on there. She'd been talking to this friend of mine, asking her who she should add to the group, and when my friend was given permission to add anyone she wanted to, she said, "Ok, Angela, I love her." I'm so used to hearing, and feeling, negative things about myself, that I'm startled when I hear or read something positive. its a conditioned response,you have been conditioned to feel the way you do,its also issues of trust with me, I have been manipulated i guess and now am wary, but when i trust someone, i accept the compliments......and question them internally...i guess i basically do this with any compliment forever analysing.........i think you are a gorgeous soul....bet that makes you uncomfortable .....but i mean it...so sufffer.....smilin atcha ....deb 2
MrCastle Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 It might not kill the spontaneity, but she may be conscious of it and overuse it to the point where it stops being cute. I've told girls things that I found cute about them, and then they ended up doing it consciously, every other hour, and it was overkill. I've also told women some things they do that I love sexually, and they use it as a weapon. Like, oh well I'll keep doing that if you blah blah blah. 1
tbf Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 It might not kill the spontaneity, but she may be conscious of it and overuse it to the point where it stops being cute. I've told girls things that I found cute about them, and then they ended up doing it consciously, every other hour, and it was overkill. I've also told women some things they do that I love sexually, and they use it as a weapon. Like, oh well I'll keep doing that if you blah blah blah.How often would you say you compliment these women?
amaysngrace Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 My guy friend exBF FWB gives compliments and I like him so much that I believe him. 1
Lani Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 It might not kill the spontaneity, but she may be conscious of it and overuse it to the point where it stops being cute. I've told girls things that I found cute about them, and then they ended up doing it consciously, every other hour, and it was overkill. I've also told women some things they do that I love sexually, and they use it as a weapon. Like, oh well I'll keep doing that if you blah blah blah. I agree with this. We do it whether we realise it or not. I do it, and then look back and think 'urghh, what a douche!' That's why I suggested just dropping it in one time she does it, not bringing it up as a conversation piece. But, it's up to you Johan. If you want to keep it to yourself, then thats totally understandable.
Art_Critic Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 hehehe, Johan is in love Well Johan.. you don't have to tell her what about her laugh you love.. just say you love it when she laughs, it makes you feel xyz I don't hold the good qualities back. The bad ones though....... The dutch oven ? 1
MrCastle Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 How often would you say you compliment these women? I used to really overdo it with the compliments, but realized that doesn't work at all. So I've definitely scaled it back and play cool for the most part, so when I say something like "I love how you say fiddlesticks when you're mad, it's cute" The next day is "Oh fiddlesticks I had a fiddlesticky day in class today. It was so boring, I'd rather learn about sticks. Fiddlesticks that is! Get it? Cuz you like fiddlesticks and I said fiddlesticks." They beat whatever it is to death until my love for it turns to hate. 2
tbf Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I used to really overdo it with the compliments, but realized that doesn't work at all. So I've definitely scaled it back and play cool for the most part, so when I say something like "I love how you say fiddlesticks when you're mad, it's cute" The next day is "Oh fiddlesticks I had a fiddlesticky day in class today. It was so boring, I'd rather learn about sticks. Fiddlesticks that is! Get it? Cuz you like fiddlesticks and I said fiddlesticks." They beat whatever it is to death until my love for it turns to hate.Isn't there a happy medium where you pay them a reasonable amount of compliments so it doesn't turn into a power dynamic? Just a thought. 2
Lani Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I used to really overdo it with the compliments, but realized that doesn't work at all. So I've definitely scaled it back and play cool for the most part, so when I say something like "I love how you say fiddlesticks when you're mad, it's cute" The next day is "Oh fiddlesticks I had a fiddlesticky day in class today. It was so boring, I'd rather learn about sticks. Fiddlesticks that is! Get it? Cuz you like fiddlesticks and I said fiddlesticks." They beat whatever it is to death until my love for it turns to hate. Moral of the story- people who say 'fiddlesticks' are idiots. 2
MrCastle Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Isn't there a happy medium where you pay them a reasonable amount of compliments so it doesn't turn into a power dynamic? You would think so right?
tbf Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 You would think so right?Yes, I do. To use PUA terminology, calibrate to the individual woman. The minute you set her up to prove herself, that's when things can go south.
MrCastle Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Yes, I do. To use PUA terminology, calibrate to the individual woman. What is PUA?
tuxedo cat Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I used to really overdo it with the compliments, but realized that doesn't work at all. So I've definitely scaled it back and play cool for the most part, so when I say something like "I love how you say fiddlesticks when you're mad, it's cute" The next day is "Oh fiddlesticks I had a fiddlesticky day in class today. It was so boring, I'd rather learn about sticks. Fiddlesticks that is! Get it? Cuz you like fiddlesticks and I said fiddlesticks." They beat whatever it is to death until my love for it turns to hate. Women love to be complimented! I'd be sad if a guy I was dating held back in order to maintain some sort of control. Stop trying so hard and just be yourself; the ladies will love you more and your relationships won't be based on false pretenses.
MrCastle Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Women love to be complimented! I'd be sad if a guy I was dating held back in order to maintain some sort of control. Stop trying so hard and just be yourself; the ladies will love you more and your relationships won't be based on false pretenses. This "be yourself" business only works if you have a likable self. My old "self" was overly complimentary and put women on a pedestal. Guess how many of them I slept with. I'll wait. I know what I'm doing. You're gonna have to trust me on this one.
Els Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 So sweet, johan. No, I don't think I've ever held any compliments back. Ah, well, too late now!
serial muse Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) I wanted to clarify that I agree with you guys that one shouldn't hold everything back. I mean, you want to create an environment where everybody feels generally happy and emotionally fulfilled, of course. Not one of withholding or where one of the people is desperate for any crumbs as a sign of affection. But assuming that things are going well and everyone's needs are being met, I just think it's OK to keep a few secret things to enjoy and smile to yourself about privately. It sounds like that's what johan's got. Edited March 19, 2013 by serial muse withholding has two h's, even though it looks funny
FitChick Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I only give sincere compliments and give them freely. Why not?
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