Dubphonik Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Greetings all, I was doing pretty good over the course of almost 3 weeks of NC. I've tried hard to focus on myself. Then over the St. Pattys day weekend (Saturday), I see my ex while at the bar all over a guy. I was on a pub crawl with friends and I got pretty weak. The guy is a friend of a mutual friend that she met before things got bad. Which I had suspicions on why she pushed the "time apart card" that led to her pushing the break up. She asked for time apart after being distant and claimed she wasnt talking to anyone else. Then she kept blaming me for not trusting her during that time and told me to be patient and she wont be dating and neither should I. But now that I saw them it made sense. Closure and her lies hit me. This is where I broke no contact. I took a pic of them and sent it to her with the message. Glad to see you are moving along easily and quickly, thanks for the weeks of lies on your terms. It all makes sense now. Please send my stuff to my house and left my address#Closure. I got a message back saying I've been on four dates in 3 weeks since BU, none which have been great. There hasn't and will not be a second date. But please don't talk to me like I'm a w hore. I haven't even came close to having sex since being with you. I will send you your "stuff" and I'm going to block you or change my number. I wish you the best in life. I feel stupid I broke NC. I feel I should be angry like I was before during NC, but I'm just kind of really down and sad. I can't even get the image out of my head. He looked like he didn't care but she looked in love. I didn't even respond back. I just grabbed a bottle and took a cab home. I drank myself to sleep because my heart was beating out of my chest. My friends were upset I turned my phone off while they were worried. Is this normal to feel this way?
cdt76 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Totally normal. Of course she is a whore. She cheated and you caught her. And 4 dates with the same dude and yes, they have had sex no matter what she says. Try and forgive yourself. I bet she wont even return your stuff. Just consider it gone. And try and reconcentrate on yourself. 1
Author Dubphonik Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Thanks Cdt76. I'm restarting no contact with or without my stuff. It just sucks I know this wont be the last time I see her somewhere. And correction she said 4 different guys on four separate dates without a second date. Not that it really matters. I just can't believe after 16 months putting so much work and time and buying so many gifts she just seems so cold and heartless. She claimed I hurt her during BU but I felt something wasn't right. I just need to forget the good times. They don't matter anymore. I need to take this and use it to move on.
Sugarkane Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 If she gets angry with you it's because you've told the truth. I haven't had the chance to do this before and I often think did I let them off scot free? Should I have said something? Dumpers don't mind being blunt and often hurting us.
Author Dubphonik Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) Funny you say that Sugarkane. I got this text last night and broke no contact by replying half asleep from my phone. Her text at 11pm. "Oh I see the picture now. I didn't bring that guy to bar, my friend was spinning at the bar & a group of us went. We did dance n grind the whole night, but he's not my type. Anyway, back to blocking. I just remembered that I never finished reading your first text completely" I woke up and glanced at it and was like wtf really? I replied with. "Whatever. I dont care. Block away and go away." Did I screw up here. Would you have done it differently? Future advice? Edited March 19, 2013 by Dubphonik
Author Dubphonik Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Venting thoughts more insight on this: I feel this is her way of coping with her decision of break up. Her getting smashed and being sleazy with guys due to me. <<<Before this. I got tired of the game she pushed from going to an official relationship to an "Unofficial relationship" which she pushed on me before the break up. It felt like a jersey shore episode. She was ignoring my calls without an explanation. And when she did call she was pissed sounding. Her answer was I'm stressed and we fight alot so we are not official. She is a horrible communicator. She would rather drop everything. I got upset because i was getting ignored when we used to talk everynight. She just seemed she was hiding something that hurt after ditching me for my bday for her friend's bday party that was filled with guys. She changed everything. It seemed she wanted the single life. Then she was quick to hang up on me when I was like talk to me and be honest on what is going on. I got nothing, just loops. So I prepared for the break up during this game she started. She broke up and hung up over the phone after I asked her to define unofficial. She got mad when I asked, "Does that mean you can date other people and so can I? She said OMG we are over, click. I just wanted clarification on what was going on. I called repeatedly and gave up after 2 days. I went to the bar feeling unwanted and hurt and slept with a really attractive random. I know that was wrong and it didn't fix anything. I live with my ex's bestfriend and my bestfriend which are a couple. They hooked me and my ex up. My bestfriend's fiance heard the drunken sex and texted me pissed. I didn't care she was pissed. She plagued out the relationship by telling my ex when I would come home or jump into our arguments as a tag team battle. I found myself arguing with her while my ex would mope around silently. Like a protective watch dog. So I went out and slept with another girl the next night. This girl has been hitting on me at school all semester till I gave in after the break up. I felt bad after I realized this is just emotionless sex and I hurt the feelings of the girl at school. So I stopped and dealt with the heartbreak by focusing on positives. My ex's bestfriend (my room mate) confronted me the day after. She said you are not coping well by one night stands. I said I know and I've stopped. That same night my ex felt bad and called my room mate and told her she wanted to come back. My room mate dropped the ball on me in the same conversation. My ex got fired up. I just wanted to feel wanted and be over this stupid relationship game of GIGS which I knew was happening. I heard visual rumors from mutual friends on what happened during my bday and with whom(that guy) and being 30 I knew this feeling she initiated. So I made sure her bestfriend heard the loudness of pleasure and I put the nail in the coffin myself. I felt everything was dragging out for the worst and the blow was going to be fatal. So I tried to counter that blow. Is it wrong to think like this or take these actions? Anyone else do this and have any insight from experience?
cdt76 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 First off, tell your roommate (ex's best friend) to butt out of your personal life. She doesn't ADD anything to your life. You aren't friends. She isn't looking out for your best interests. She wants to protect her friend, even though she is a cheater and sleezy. Go out and do whatever you feel makes you happy in the moment. But be honest. If you are hooking up with a girl, tell her it's just for the night. You don't want to become your ex. So be honest and be happy. Let the whore go and do anyone she wants and you just work on what makes you happy. That's my 2 cents.
Author Dubphonik Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) I'm not doing the one night stand stuff anymore. Just focusing on me right now. But I'll tell the next. Thanks for your two cents. The room mate got her jollies by kicking me out of the house to defend her bestfriend's honor, eventhough I got dumped. She was threatening to kill me and calling me crazy names before I broke my silence. I'm a rock usually, but too much is too much. Her fiance (my bestfriend since elementary school) is choosing sides too. He even told me I wasn't invited to his wedding and said we are not friends anymore after I told him, "you need to check your woman she is acting like a bogus b*tch sticking her nose in other peoples business where it doesn't belong." End result: I somehow found a place in two weeks and packed up and moved while failing fulltime classes this semester in school and working fulltime. Lost a bestfriend, friend, and long term girlfriend. Moved to a city with no friends. All within weeks. Just need to focus hard during this insanity of obstacles. But I feel unmotivated to do anything. Edited March 19, 2013 by Dubphonik
cdt76 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Listen to me. And listen good. You need to get your head straight and quick when it comes to those classes! This is the rest of your life you are talking about! Your future! NO ONE takes that from you! It's the single most important thing you have in your life at the moment and you need to fix that right now. No matter what else happens, those classes should be your single biggest priority. Your mental focus needs to be there! Second, people come and go throughout our lives. The ones that stay for the duration are the special ones. You can and will replace these people. Your friend is chosing his woman over you and for that it's ok to send him off with her. Should he come back in the future, maybe you can make amends. A few years ago, I kicked out 99.9% of the people in my life because they added nothing and only used me. It was hard. It wasn't fun. But starting over has it's advantages of having experience on your side. You can choose who you let in and who you don't. The new people that will come into your life will be good additions. But be particular about who you befriend. Not everyone is deserving of that privalege. 1
Sugarkane Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Yeah I think I would go NC at that point. You know the truth and it's just not worth it. Her explaination was a bunch of excuses wasn't it?! Funny you say that Sugarkane. I got this text last night and broke no contact by replying half asleep from my phone. Her text at 11pm. "Oh I see the picture now. I didn't bring that guy to bar, my friend was spinning at the bar & a group of us went. We did dance n grind the whole night, but he's not my type. Anyway, back to blocking. I just remembered that I never finished reading your first text completely" I woke up and glanced at it and was like wtf really? I replied with. "Whatever. I dont care. Block away and go away." Did I screw up here. Would you have done it differently? Future advice?
Darren Steez Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 First off she's not a whore. No one knows whether she was cheating or not, so don't assume unless you have evidence. Thing is you saw what you saw. She was all over him. You know her fairly well I assume, so you would have seen her body language, the way she was acting her facial expressions etc to know what kind of time she was having. Thing is jealousy is a b*tch. You saw them and the red mist came out, hence the message. You sent it out of spite. No doubt if they hadn't been there, you bumped into an incredibly hot chick and made out with her, you wouldn't have had an issue about "moving on so quickly" would you? She then switched it on you, and very nicely too, she reverse guilt tripped you. Told you she was cutting you off and blocking your number. Bet you feel terrible and are doubting yourself, hence you are here. Listen NC is no contact. Get your stuff, block her and move on. We all tend to over dramatize break ups don't we. You meet someone you weren't friends with before, date them, break up and your life is over. Heartbreak definitely sucks, but you are both game playing at the moment, She's doing her thing, you don't like it so it's sniping time. She wants to block you fine. But going over what she's doing will do your head in. Try to move on and don't talk to her. It will only bring up more bitterness and that's not going to help you move on.
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