Layla_11 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Hello, thank you for reading this as its not something I can discuss in my personal life and it's eating me up. I'm a mid-twenties married female and have been with my husband since we were teens. Things have hit a rough patch with both of us. We both acknowledge this. I love him and I'm hoping I can forget this OM and get on with my life. Several months ago I made a terrible mistake by entering into an online only romance with a man in another country. It was very sexual (skype) but also a friendship that made me feel special, important, and pretty in ways I'd forgotten existed. The OM is also in a long term relationship and after a couple months, he just disappeared after one of our particularly 'wrong' video chats. I felt used but realized he was 'just a guy' and tried to get over it. Several days later, he made contact and we decided to end it because of guilt. About 2 weeks later, HE made contact and we continued over texting for another 6 weeks but he made it clear that he only wanted friendship (that failed). After one of our 'skype sessions' he again disappeared and then showed up a few days later telling me how amazing I am but he needed to end it. I agreed but it was tough. I had been previously trying to get over him and when he initiated it again, I really started to trust and maybe even love him. He then cut off all contact and made it impossible for me to talk to him which REALLY angered me. The next thing I did, is something I am so terribly ashamed of. I was so angry at him for using me and disappearing and his fake niceness that I told his gf about us. I know this was vindictive and horrible and I don't know why I really did it (felt bad for her, mad at him, alone, used, and disposable). It's over forever now (he hasn't made any more contact) and I'm trying to move on but anytime my husband and I have an argument, I google him. I see his social media sites and I'm sucked back into this horrible feeling of wanting him again. How can I stop feeling like I need him, reading our texts, googling him and feeling so caught up. I know I've done a terrible thing and I feel like a total mess over this, please try not to judge unless you've been here.. Thank you for reading.
immitable Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think you shoud try to find the reasons not in OM, but in why you started this relationship. Ask yourself and ask long. There is probably a reason and that the spark might be missing a bit but not gone forever. When you find the reason why, try to approach your partner and try to get him to understand. I pretty much believe that many issues can be resolved through a honest and deep understanding communication. You should definitely try to stop the communication with OM, since you know it is not leading you anywhere but trouble. Best wishes
Love4Pain Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Have you talked to your husband about things he can do that would make you feel as special as you did with the online guy? Maybe you two need to spark things up, make it a fun new experience so that you don't feel like you need to rely on the other guy to get you to feel that way.
Author Layla_11 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Thank you for replying. I agree that I should have the convo with my husband about communication. I don't think the spark is gone forever but the lull is difficult (that doesnt excuse my behavior, I know this).
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