ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I'm so bummed because his hours are so weird and he is not gonna be able to spend time with me! I went to see him lastnight and he was so tired that I stayed an hour and left so he could go to bed, now he had this job and he works crazy hours and he might have to work some weekends and he doesn't have time for me I feel so sad because I just want to spend all this time with him because I am crazy about him. How can this work? I asked him if he thought that he would be too busy for a relationship and he was like "no, I knew you would say that, stop worrying we will be fine" and I think we will but I just miss him. Even when I am with him for hours as soon as he leaves I miss him so bad!
KoKo0 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 you are being selfish, just think of all those couples who live miles apart because one had to relocate due to a job... 1
Drseussgrrl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I'm so bummed because his hours are so weird and he is not gonna be able to spend time with me! I went to see him lastnight and he was so tired that I stayed an hour and left so he could go to bed, now he had this job and he works crazy hours and he might have to work some weekends and he doesn't have time for me I feel so sad because I just want to spend all this time with him because I am crazy about him. How can this work? I asked him if he thought that he would be too busy for a relationship and he was like "no, I knew you would say that, stop worrying we will be fine" and I think we will but I just miss him. Even when I am with him for hours as soon as he leaves I miss him so bad! You need to chill. Is there ANYTHING you haven't complained about yet with this dude? You are so high maintenance and needy! 8
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 You need to chill. Is there ANYTHING you haven't complained about yet with this dude? You are so high maintenance and needy! I know but I really really like him times a billion and I want this to work out so much! He is like literally my other half and he feels the same way, I'm like baffled that someone feels like that about me too!
Drseussgrrl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I know but I really really like him times a billion and I want this to work out so much! He is like literally my other half and he feels the same way, I'm like baffled that someone feels like that about me too! Then you need to listen to the advice here before you scare him off with your neediness. Because you will. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Then you need to listen to the advice here before you scare him off with your neediness. Because you will. Ok so how can I calm myself down? It is great he has another job I just don't want him to forget about me
Soxfaninfl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 you are being selfish, just think of all those couples who live miles apart because one had to relocate due to a job... Dam don't you think your being a little harsh?
Soxfaninfl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 You are so high maintenance and needy! That's not nice geez even if it is true.
Keenly Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Ok so how can I calm myself down? It is great he has another job I just don't want him to forget about me You need to find your own things. Yourself.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I'm so bummed because his hours are so weird and he is not gonna be able to spend time with me! I went to see him lastnight and he was so tired that I stayed an hour and left so he could go to bed, now he had this job and he works crazy hours and he might have to work some weekends and he doesn't have time for me I feel so sad because I just want to spend all this time with him because I am crazy about him. How can this work? I asked him if he thought that he would be too busy for a relationship and he was like "no, I knew you would say that, stop worrying we will be fine" and I think we will but I just miss him. Even when I am with him for hours as soon as he leaves I miss him so bad! What you need to do is make the time that you do have with him quality time. I went through this with my ex wife. She was working two jobs when she got out of college, but the little time that I had with her each week I made the the best of the situation. It didn't last for ever her working those crazy hours. 1
NeoGen85 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 You have to be supportive and stop going crazy. Plus you're really going to have to occupy yourself with something else while he's gone. Start turning to your girlfriends for support and enjoy their company as well. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Ok that is still such a hard thing, I have no idea what I am interested in. It sucks because he is so fun and stuff and he is always at work or out with friends and I totally am a homebody.
NeoGen85 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Ok that is still such a hard thing, I have no idea what I am interested in. It sucks because he is so fun and stuff and he is always at work or out with friends and I totally am a homebody. See. That's your problem right there. People will break up with others when they have no life sometimes. It sounds harsh but it's the truth. I have a best friend who was just about to break up with his girlfriend a few months ago. Know doubt they were in love with each other but sometimes he had no room to breath. You should indeed rekindle some old interest and hobbies. And hanging out with friends helps SO MUCH! Believe me! I told his girlfriend what I think she needs to do. She found some new hobbies, rediscovered old ones, and met new friends. In fact, she started hanging out with them sometimes without the boyfriend. I can officially say since he doesn't get to see her all the time as well his heart beats for her even more. 2
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 See. That's your problem right there. People will break up with others when they have no life sometimes. It sounds harsh but it's the truth. I have a best friend who was just about to break up with his girlfriend a few months ago. Know doubt they were in love with each other but sometimes he had no room to breath. You should indeed rekindle some old interest and hobbies. And hanging out with friends helps SO MUCH! Believe me! I told his girlfriend what I think she needs to do. She found some new hobbies, rediscovered old ones, and met new friends. In fact, she started hanging out with them sometimes without the boyfriend. I can officially say since he doesn't get to see her all the time as well his heart beats for her even more. Maybe I can focus more on school, reading, going out alone, going out with friends?
KatZee Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) You're brand new in this relationship and you're already making the top fatal mistake. Making a guy your everything, your entire life, your sole source of happiness, your top priority. If the guy gets a whiff of this needy, clingy, and obsessive behavior, he's going to run for the hills. While it's wonderful you found a guy who's into you, you need to have your own life. Saying things like, "He's so fun and awesome and I'm a homebody!" are really not excuses. You can't put the pressure on him to be your only social interaction because it's going to make him feel like he can't do anything, or go anywhere without you, or without you making a stink about it, getting whiny, or being mad about it. There is no "if" he dumps you because of this, it will be WHEN he dumps you because of this. Women with no lives, no social lives, no interests, no hobbies, no passions, and no drives outside of the relationship hold very little value in a man's eyes. You don't know what you like? Good lord girl, FIGURE IT OUT. What do you enjoy doing? What makes you happy? "I don't know!" followed by a giggle (which is sadly how I picture you saying these things) makes you look ditzy and brainless. Join a club. Get a hobby. Join meet up groups. Reconnect with old friends. LIVE life, you only get one chance at it. And when he's free from work, spend quality time with him. (Also, I read your other thread. Please don't try to emulate his ex-girlfriend. There's a reason they are no longer together. You need to be your own person and discover who YOU are.) Edited March 19, 2013 by KatZee 1
pbjbear Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Ehh I can see where the OP is coming from. If the dude works alot or works crazy hours it will affect the relationship. He wont have much time to spend with her and she will have to cater her schedule towards his. I had a girlfriend who started dating a guy who shortly after they got together decided he wanted to train seriously at tennis and that with his part time job gave him nutty hours where my friend didnt see him much, once a week, and when she did, it was on his terms. Yeah you might say "if you care about each other youll make it work" but it does get old. OP, hopefully it wont be that extreme. Dont jump to conclusions just see how things go. But I have to say I think you do need to see your partner at least once a week for longer than 3 hrs to keep the relationship alive
KoKo0 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Dam don't you think your being a little harsh? No, there are other more complicated things in this world, she needs to find her self some hobbies and start doing her own things.
ChessPieceFace Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Even when I am with him for hours as soon as he leaves I miss him so bad! Sounds like a behavioral problem. And if he didn't make enough money I'm sure you would dump him. Childish crap like this is why men can't ever win. 1
Lani Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 You just need to take a step back and calm down. Are you at the point of staying at eachothers houses? If so, then do that more often. Because if the only time you can spend together at the moment is at night when you go to bed, not only for sex, but for the pillow talk and intimacy that comes with spending the night together. He's promised you there will still be time for you, so believe him.
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 You just need to take a step back and calm down. Are you at the point of staying at eachothers houses? If so, then do that more often. Because if the only time you can spend together at the moment is at night when you go to bed, not only for sex, but for the pillow talk and intimacy that comes with spending the night together. He's promised you there will still be time for you, so believe him. We haven't been sexual yet we just kiss and cuddle and i haven't spent the night but i did stay until 2 one night Maybe distance will make our hearts grow fonder? <3333
Soxfaninfl Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 No, there are other more complicated things in this world, she needs to find her self some hobbies and start doing her own things. Your right about that koko. 1
MidwestUSA Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Is he working 168 hours a week? Do you work or go to school? It sounds like you have way too much time on your hands, therefore you should be able to accommodate his hours if you want to make this work. Time is about quality. Agree with others, your neediness is sure to drive him off. Chill.
neveragain34 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 OP, you are going to scare this guy away with your clinginess. Please don't take this the wrong way, but you have some major insecurity/self-esteem issues you need to work on before you can be in any healthy relationship. It seems as if you feel like you "need" this guy around to make you feel good about yourself. You are seeking external validation from him instead of finding it within yourself and being happy on your own. Again, please don't take this advice offensively. I have been in your shoes and learned from it. 1
wild wolf Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 What do you do all day? Work or school? Or are you currently unemployed (like a good % of people)? In this economy you should be ecstatic your guy got a job and is doing what he needs to do to better himself and his financial situation. Reality check for you: the more pressure you put on him to spend more time with you on top of his other obligations, the more he might begin to resent your demands. Every day I go to work, it could be a regular 10 hour day or I could be leaving for up to 21 days at the drop of the hat. I don't get guarenteed days off, on call 24/7. My bf is in the same career. Each morning we leave the house, it could be weeks spent apart. The maturity level of your relationship has to evolve to be flexible and cut out the "poor me". How do you think military families cope? Get hobbies or a job. Don't fixate on the time you can't spend together. 1
Author ImperfectionisBeauty Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 What do you do all day? Work or school? Or are you currently unemployed (like a good % of people)? In this economy you should be ecstatic your guy got a job and is doing what he needs to do to better himself and his financial situation. Reality check for you: the more pressure you put on him to spend more time with you on top of his other obligations, the more he might begin to resent your demands. Every day I go to work, it could be a regular 10 hour day or I could be leaving for up to 21 days at the drop of the hat. I don't get guarenteed days off, on call 24/7. My bf is in the same career. Each morning we leave the house, it could be weeks spent apart. The maturity level of your relationship has to evolve to be flexible and cut out the "poor me". How do you think military families cope? Get hobbies or a job. Don't fixate on the time you can't spend together. I go to school, but my schedule is really open like literally I have 1 class a day and no friday classes so I am always free to hang out, his new job he can work up to 16 hours a day because they operate 24 hours a day and I think on weekends. Well weekends have always been our time, so now I might not even get him then. It is just hard because it is so new and I'm still in that insecure point where i just want to be around him all the time because I don't want him to forget me or meet someone new (even though he said that would never happen) I'm just scared. Also he can barely text during the day so I get to talk to him a little when he is home but then he like crashes. He keeps assuring me it won't be like this forever, he told me yesterday "please don't stop liking me because of this, I promise it won't be like this forever" and I would never stop liking him over this, I am CRAZY about him. I just don't want him to stop liking me. I guess I just need hobbies. I am kind of feelings artsy fartsy maybe I will act on that.
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