na49 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I'm not sure why but ever since last night I've been feeling worse, not better. I was feeling angry/indifferent about my whole BU for almost a week and then something changes and I'm feeling more down and depressed. I have a bunch of crap to do and no motivation to do it. I was on facebook and looked at one of her friend's profiles. Of course I saw her name in a status and it was like my heart was ripped out of my chest again. It's just a reminder that her life is going on without me, while mine is being put on hold for no reason other than myself. It's frustrating! Even seeing her name makes me cringe. I haven't seen her in person in almost a month now. Just kind of venting I guess. I need to hear things to pick me up apparently, because I'm crashing and burning and don't want to do anything to set me back.
McDonald Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) It's just a reminder that her life is going on without me, while mine is being put on hold for no reason other than myself. nope. This is all apart of the moving on Na! Nothing is on hold. It may seem like that... but really it IS moving foward. Look at it on a grander scale. How were you feeling two weeks a go? a Month ago? You have made improvements! Dont be so harsh on your self. We all will have our relapses. it WILL happen and will continue to happen, but it will be less frequently. I like to picture my advancement in the BU as a straight line going left to right. However there are parts in the line where I do a full 360. Picture your drawing a line and then adding a loop in it. the first 180 of the loop is me relapsing.. crying "why did you leave me!! blah blah" then the other 180 is me realizing that it isnt worth it... and then I get right back on my straight line.... There are more and more loops down the road... but they get smaller and smaller. Representing the length of time of each relapse. See, everytime it happens... it does not happen for as long as the last... because we realize that it does hurt us. and maybe we cant compeltely shut off the thoughts... but we can lower the frequency of them. You probably have midterms coming up? that can lead to stress which can then make you think of your relationship... its okay... I do it too becuause im studying for finals and cant concentrate.. hell... im typing this up instead of studying. Na, we will have good days, we will have bad days. Accept it for what it is. You are not getting worse... these thoughts are not ruining your progression. Its how you act.... and please, do NOT act on the thoughts becasue that WILL set you back. Edited March 18, 2013 by McDonald 1
Coping Vortex Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I'm not sure why but ever since last night I've been feeling worse, not better. I was feeling angry/indifferent about my whole BU for almost a week and then something changes and I'm feeling more down and depressed. I have a bunch of crap to do and no motivation to do it. I was on facebook and looked at one of her friend's profiles. Of course I saw her name in a status and it was like my heart was ripped out of my chest again. It's just a reminder that her life is going on without me, while mine is being put on hold for no reason other than myself. It's frustrating! Even seeing her name makes me cringe. I haven't seen her in person in almost a month now. Just kind of venting I guess. I need to hear things to pick me up apparently, because I'm crashing and burning and don't want to do anything to set me back. I accidently saw a "like" she left on another friends post. I felt all the blood drain out of me. I couldn't sleep at all last night. had to take a Xanax to get 2 hours sleep. I can't take much more of this.
sleepy1 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Why don't you block her? You won't see anything she "likes". Do you talk to her friends in the real world? If not, I would suggest deleting / blocking them too. It's not worth the heaetache, man... Trust me.
Blastoplast Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Just delete her from FB until you're ready. I told me ex that I had to delete her from FB and it upset her, but she understood. It's seeing her in pictures that really get to me!
Coping Vortex Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Why don't you block her? You won't see anything she "likes". Do you talk to her friends in the real world? If not, I would suggest deleting / blocking them too. It's not worth the heaetache, man... Trust me. Yes if I block the one common friend it should stop any last likes from showing up.
Author na49 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 My ex is blocked and most of her friends are blocked too. This guy started talking to me before I knew he was friends with my ex and I was friendly towards him. So I think it'd be hard for me to just block him out of nowhere. Even though I really don't want to talk to him anymore. I told him not to mention my ex but I was feeling so f*cked that I was like "I bet I'll see her name in one of his posts" and BAM! right there is her name! It's just her name and I can't click it because she's blocked but holy crap it hurt. This guy isn't even her boyfriend, just a friend who made a status because he had dinner with her and had fun. Gah it hurts so bad. I like to think I'm doing better and then I have days like today and wonder if I am or not. It shoots down any confidence I've been building and I go back to my old ways. I'm happy I haven't acted on my urges. If seeing her NAME (just her name) in a post hurts me as much as it did. I'm pretty sure seeing a picture of her with or without a new guy would hurt much more.
McDonald Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Dang your ex really gets around. I don't understand why these guys are tagging her in everything. She has a new bf correct? Idk why he isn't flipping out lol. Either that, or her new friends are all just weird
Author na49 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Dang your ex really gets around. I don't understand why these guys are tagging her in everything. She has a new bf correct? Idk why he isn't flipping out lol. Either that, or her new friends are all just weird I don't think I make my point when I say she is friends with EVERYONE! This guy was new this semester and was talking to me on facebook and I thought he was chill. Then one day out of nowhere he mentions my ex and I flip my sh*t. I already blocked another one of her friends who I never spoke to. I think it'd be weird if I blocked this guy too. It's sad but I almost want to tell him that I miss her so he'll pass that information to her. How pathetic is that? Whenever I talk to him now I hope he'll tell her what we talk about. Which is another reason I hate talking to this dude.
Navajo46 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Facebook is freakin evil for relationships and breakups. I am 4 months post and unfriended her and have blocked and unblocked her multiple times. When it becomes your only form of getting a glimpse of their lives sometimes its just irresistible. Its self torture thats for sure. I have found myself checking like once a week which is utterly ridiculous. Ill get to the point where i never check it, but just not there yet. For me, even worse is knowing that she is with the guy she left me for... Her boss... For at least 8 hours a day at work and then who knows. Really eats at me. I try not to think about it but just pops in my head and pisses me off. Why cant we just move right along like they did? This past weekend was our anniversary of when we met and it didnt help getting a text from her son asking how i was doing and joking around. I found myself typing in a text message to her today and not sending it. I never will but the urge for that goes up and down. I just cannot wait til summer when the weather and stuff will help me get back out there.
Author na49 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Facebook is freakin evil for relationships and breakups. I am 4 months post and unfriended her and have blocked and unblocked her multiple times. When it becomes your only form of getting a glimpse of their lives sometimes its just irresistible. Its self torture thats for sure. I have found myself checking like once a week which is utterly ridiculous. Ill get to the point where i never check it, but just not there yet. For me, even worse is knowing that she is with the guy she left me for... Her boss... For at least 8 hours a day at work and then who knows. Really eats at me. I try not to think about it but just pops in my head and pisses me off. Why cant we just move right along like they did? This past weekend was our anniversary of when we met and it didnt help getting a text from her son asking how i was doing and joking around. I found myself typing in a text message to her today and not sending it. I never will but the urge for that goes up and down. I just cannot wait til summer when the weather and stuff will help me get back out there. Would you say that seeing her with a new guy has helped you at all? Like killing any false hopes you had? Maybe seeing her making out with another guy would help me? (lol I'm talking crazy) I haven't seen her facebook in 4+ months and haven't seen her twitter in 2+ months. I've done everything I can do avoid her and it's still not enough. I've blocked so many people including her to prevent myself from spying and I always find a way to get a peek into her life one way or another. It's so annoying!
sleepy1 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) My ex is blocked and most of her friends are blocked too. This guy started talking to me before I knew he was friends with my ex and I was friendly towards him. So I think it'd be hard for me to just block him out of nowhere. Even though I really don't want to talk to him anymore. I told him not to mention my ex but I was feeling so f*cked that I was like "I bet I'll see her name in one of his posts" and BAM! right there is her name! It's just her name and I can't click it because she's blocked but holy crap it hurt. This guy isn't even her boyfriend, just a friend who made a status because he had dinner with her and had fun. Gah it hurts so bad. I like to think I'm doing better and then I have days like today and wonder if I am or not. It shoots down any confidence I've been building and I go back to my old ways. I'm happy I haven't acted on my urges. If seeing her NAME (just her name) in a post hurts me as much as it did. I'm pretty sure seeing a picture of her with or without a new guy would hurt much more. My next question is do you regularly use Facebook? Regularly update? If not, a break from FB may be in order if you're this sensitive. I took a 7 month break from FB after my breakup. Not just because I had chances of my ex popping up (I wasn't aware of the block feature at the time), but just to FOCUS for a while... and I improved greatly. I started volunteering, became involved with theater (which I'd been dying to go back to for years), got straight A's in college. It really was a breath of fresh air and helped me get back on my feet without worrying who was contacting who. When I got back on FB, I IMMEDIATELY blocked him. What's strange about my ex is he's been seeing someone for about a year and a half now (he started dating him 2 weeks after our official "breakup" ), but I notice him commenting on my close friends / sister's statuses, occasionally. We had no mutual friends when we started dating, but he stayed "friends" with my friends, even though he barely said two words to them when we were together. It's got my mind going all over the place. Does he NOT care that he sees pics of me with my friends having fun? Or is he leaving tiny breadcrumbs so he can stay in my life SOMEHOW SOMEWAY. It used to bother me a lot - that my friends and sister knows what he's doing and I don't, but I've told EVERYONE not to tell me ANYTHING and they've respected my wishes. Oh, and how can I see that he's commenting even if he's blocked? When I see my friends having a conversation with a ghost. It'll be like: Friend's status: "SONG QUOTE" Friend's post underneath: "Oh yeah, I love that song too" *Rolls Eyes* It'll also so 2 comments when I see only my friend's. :/ Edited March 18, 2013 by sleepy1
sleepy1 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Would you say that seeing her with a new guy has helped you at all? Like killing any false hopes you had? Maybe seeing her making out with another guy would help me? (lol I'm talking crazy) I haven't seen her facebook in 4+ months and haven't seen her twitter in 2+ months. I've done everything I can do avoid her and it's still not enough. I've blocked so many people including her to prevent myself from spying and I always find a way to get a peek into her life one way or another. It's so annoying! RESIST THE URGE! I'm telling you from personal experience. Even when you think you're OK, don't look. It will send you back months and you're going to regret it.
Navajo46 Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Would you say that seeing her with a new guy has helped you at all? Like killing any false hopes you had? Maybe seeing her making out with another guy would help me? (lol I'm talking crazy) I haven't seen her facebook in 4+ months and haven't seen her twitter in 2+ months. I've done everything I can do avoid her and it's still not enough. I've blocked so many people including her to prevent myself from spying and I always find a way to get a peek into her life one way or another. It's so annoying! I don't think it helped me at all. I was lying to myself for a while thinking that I wasn't holding out hope that she would come back even knowing she was with this guy. Even now after everything that has happened I don't know what I would do... pretty pathetic man. I mean I know we could never make it even if we did get back together. My problem is that I am 36 and I have dated a TON of women. I never had what we had through the course of a relationship... I really feel like I lost the absolute best match for me. We finished each others sentences and knew every single thing about each other. She did show her true character at the end... but this is something that is keeping me from moving on... the fear of getting back out there having already dated so many women and not finding the same thing. I know I will find love again though. Yeah, the whole facebook thing is crazy. I keep looking I think to see if she changes her status to "in a relationship" or takes down the pictures of us. Hasn't happened yet, but why I cannot resist that urge is weird. I have resisted begging and pleading in the beginning, texting her or calling her through the whole BU... and I am torturing myself by checking her facebook just to see a glimpse of her. NOTHING I am going to see on there will make me feel better... so why do I do it?
Author na49 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 Oh, and how can I see that he's commenting even if he's blocked? When I see my friends having a conversation with a ghost. It'll be like: Friend's status: "SONG QUOTE" Friend's post underneath: "Oh yeah, I love that song too" *Rolls Eyes* It'll also so 2 comments when I see only my friend's. :/ I've been using it more lately for some reason. Just liking random crap and sometimes posting something if I think I want to share it. It's just another site that I waste time on really. When I'm feeling like I do today, I look for windows into her life and always seem to find one Yes! I deal with this too! Holy crap is it annoying! I know that she's commenting the status and I can figure out what she's saying just by judging other people's responses. I've blocked another guy who is friends with her. He's one of the people who comments EVERYTHING so I see a lot of conversations with ghosts and likes that "no one likes". It's annoying, but it's actually the only way for me. Or I see someone write her name, which absolutely killed me today. Just seeing her name for freaks sake! Her name is posted and it's not clickable for me. It just sucks... It's a reminder that she's still alive and kicking and is going to keep doing her thing without me. I'm becoming more and more of a memory to her. I also know how it feels when it says "2 comments" and you click it and see one or none. Then a status or picture says that 5 people like it and I only count 4. That REALLY kills me. I count them too like a mad man. If I feel like it's something she'd like, I count how many likes and hope that she didn't like it.
Author na49 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 I don't think it helped me at all. I was lying to myself for a while thinking that I wasn't holding out hope that she would come back even knowing she was with this guy. Even now after everything that has happened I don't know what I would do... pretty pathetic man. I mean I know we could never make it even if we did get back together. My problem is that I am 36 and I have dated a TON of women. I never had what we had through the course of a relationship... I really feel like I lost the absolute best match for me. We finished each others sentences and knew every single thing about each other. She did show her true character at the end... but this is something that is keeping me from moving on... the fear of getting back out there having already dated so many women and not finding the same thing. I know I will find love again though. Yeah, the whole facebook thing is crazy. I keep looking I think to see if she changes her status to "in a relationship" or takes down the pictures of us. Hasn't happened yet, but why I cannot resist that urge is weird. I have resisted begging and pleading in the beginning, texting her or calling her through the whole BU... and I am torturing myself by checking her facebook just to see a glimpse of her. NOTHING I am going to see on there will make me feel better... so why do I do it? I guess she's your drug and you're just addicted to her. I'm actually deathly afraid of what I would see if I looked at her facebook. Especially because I haven't looked in such a long time. I think she's deleted all of our pictures, but there were still some up because I saw them for a brief moment when she unblocked me. I know how much it would hurt me if I found out she deleted all of them. Even though she isn't obligated to keep them up, it would still hurt that she'd delete any memories of me. Almost wiping her slate clean and removing any evidence she ever dated me. Just goes to show how highly she thinks of me. aaaaand now that guy who had dinner with her and made a status about it said hi to me. What do I do? I'm so tempted to tell him that I miss my ex. or plant seeds for him to tell her that I'm hurting.
McDonald Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 dude Na he doesnt give a fu*k about you and your relationship with your ex. Do you think when he sees you he saying "i hope he mentions/ doesnt mention about her."? NO does he even know you two were dating?
Author na49 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 dude Na he doesnt give a fu*k about you and your relationship with your ex. Do you think when he sees you he saying "i hope he mentions/ doesnt mention about her."? NO does he even know you two were dating? Yeah he knows she's my ex. He mentioned her name and I lost it. I was asking him why he said her name and then he told me she was showing him pictures and he saw me in some of them and asked why I was in them. She told him "that's my ex boyfriend". (it hurts just typing that) I doubt anyone cares about me or my situation except for me. I keep this drama alive though and project my feelings onto her. I am the one who still loves her and yet I still like to tell myself she loves me when she doesn't. Do you ever consider transferring schools to get away from your ex? I kind of want to at times because this BU just makes me dread college so much.
McDonald Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 (edited) We care about your situation Na, if that helps. I am the one who still loves her okay... everyone here has gone over so many times thats its not her that you love Na!!!!! c'mon.. we were past that stage a month ago. You dont love her anymore Na. You love the idea of having a compainon. A partner with you all the time. hell, who wouldnt love that? You can find someone else Na... I know its tough, you were dating her before you got to college correct? Its time to live college the way it was meant to be lived. Its a new world. it is a scary place for both of us, but we can get through it. Do I think about transferring schools? Well sometimes I think about never seeing her again. But im beyond the part of completely freaking out when I see them together. I guess I saw it enough when I first got back as we ran into eachother on countless occasions. So maybe that has helped me move on. I worked hard to get into this Univeristy and its a very good school and with over 30,000 students; with more females than males... I plan on finding someone new. I do not plan on ruining this oppritunity I have because of some dumb girl who fell for me and I who fell for as well. It is YOUR life Na. Not hers, not anyone elses. It is YOUR life. Think about your future. Think about all the time that has been waisted. its time to see your BU and this girl for what it really is/was. Grab the bull by the horns Na. Take control. Do not let anyone run you over. You are not weak. hurt yes, but not weak. Edited March 19, 2013 by McDonald 1
RiceaRoni Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 Yeah he knows she's my ex. He mentioned her name and I lost it. I was asking him why he said her name and then he told me she was showing him pictures and he saw me in some of them and asked why I was in them. She told him "that's my ex boyfriend". (it hurts just typing that) I doubt anyone cares about me or my situation except for me. I keep this drama alive though and project my feelings onto her. I am the one who still loves her and yet I still like to tell myself she loves me when she doesn't. Do you ever consider transferring schools to get away from your ex? I kind of want to at times because this BU just makes me dread college so much. Nooo! Don't transfer schools just because of TWO people! No way Jose. You have every right to be there, and your ex and her new bf are there too. Big whoop. I'm still faced to see my ex everytime I go to his school to help teach a Tahitian dance class, but just because I see him and his new gf it doesn't make me want to stop dancing or teaching. Because I love dancing and he can never take that away. So just as my dancing is important, so should your education and right to be at the college of your choice 1
Author na49 Posted March 19, 2013 Author Posted March 19, 2013 McDonald- Thanks. I know you all care about my situation and I really appreciate it. You've all been keeping me sane in this whole thing. If I didn't post here, I'm sure I'd still be begging my ex to come back and responding to any text she sent me. Just because I got my heart broken I'm going to leave the college I worked hard to get to? I love everything about the school except for the fact her friends are EVERYWHERE and it's a reminder of the pain. but she doesn't know everyone There's a lot of people who have no idea who she is. There's a lot of girls on campus. If I can just grab my balls and talk to some of them, my ex will become a nobody to me. RiceaRoni- That's a good point. I do have every right to be there. I have no idea why I felt otherwise. You have a great attitude about seeing your ex. I haven't seen my ex in almost a month now and every time I see her it's like getting my heart broken again. She messes with my head and has no idea. I can't give her this power over me though. 1
RiceaRoni Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 McDonald- Thanks. I know you all care about my situation and I really appreciate it. You've all been keeping me sane in this whole thing. If I didn't post here, I'm sure I'd still be begging my ex to come back and responding to any text she sent me. Just because I got my heart broken I'm going to leave the college I worked hard to get to? I love everything about the school except for the fact her friends are EVERYWHERE and it's a reminder of the pain. but she doesn't know everyone There's a lot of people who have no idea who she is. There's a lot of girls on campus. If I can just grab my balls and talk to some of them, my ex will become a nobody to me. RiceaRoni- That's a good point. I do have every right to be there. I have no idea why I felt otherwise. You have a great attitude about seeing your ex. I haven't seen my ex in almost a month now and every time I see her it's like getting my heart broken again. She messes with my head and has no idea. I can't give her this power over me though. I know what you mean. Although I go to the school. It still definitely still hurts me when I see him...especially with his new gf. I just try not to show it. I'll laugh with my best friend who teaches with me or a student or when he's close and in the same area like walking down a hallway. I just turn the other cheek and pretend he isn't there...or turn and walk the other direction... My stomach still does flips when I see him and the pain/anger sets in, but I don't let him know that. Heck no. It's been almost 6 months. I don't need to let him see anything about me. I am a mystery to him now.
mtnbiker3000 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Don't know if it's just my age or what (41), but never got into FB. Don't even have an account. Really glad now, because my ex (31) is all over it. Updates it all the time, tons of friends and tons of pics!! Man, that would be KILLING me if I were to be checking up on that whenever I felt weak/curious. Now that I think about it, that was just another difference in our personalities. Man, even though we had a lot of similar interests and enjoyed spending time together, we were very different people. Realizing this more and more as the BU goes on. Too bad we spent 3 years getting 'hooked' before deciding we weren't right for each other. Oh well, live and learn I guess 1
Author na49 Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 (edited) I try my best to be strong when I do see her. I was sitting in class earlier today and I thought I heard her voice. She has a pretty unique voice (not sure if it's in a good way or not honestly) and I swear my heart just stopped. I was staring out into the hallway praying that she wouldn't walk by. She didn't, and I'm not even sure if it was her but I was freaking out. I haven't looked her in the face in a long time. I can't deal with eye contact with her. When I do see her, I look away, I keep my head down, I try to act like I don't see her. I try to be strong, but seeing her makes me feel week. Luckily I haven't seen her in a while now. I saw the guy she cheated on me with last week in the parking lot. That was an experience like "Oh look over there! It's the guy who was f*cking my girlfriend when I wasn't around" I also kind of like the fact that I'm a mystery to her. She doesn't know ANYTHING about me (and I don't know anything about her). I've done a lot of changing since we broke up. I was honestly whipped, but I think about some of the things she did now and wonder why I put up with it. She can tell everyone I'm this or that, but I know it's not true. It's like her telling people I have green hair. like okay? Anyone with eyes can see that I don't. Let them believe what they want to believe though. I know I'm not a bad guy. I know once I get my sh*t together, I'll be a great catch. Edited March 20, 2013 by na49 1
RiceaRoni Posted March 23, 2013 Posted March 23, 2013 Delete, delete, delete. Do not go on Fb anymore. It's clear as water that you haven't healed yet. Come on! You were doing great! Haha don't quit now. It's understandable to have relapses...I had one a while ago and felt really sad and upset for some reason, but they will decrease. Oh she went out with this guy friend of yours? Go out with friends too! I also know that it's hard to be away from social networking sites...I mean it's how we connect with our friends and our exes shouldn't keep us from them, but if it's so save us from feeling anymore pain, we gotta get away. I saw this on another thread and it made me laugh "Why is your ex so special? Did they leave you for JLo or something? Do they fart pourpriar? Your ex isn't that special. Especially if they left you for another person"
Recommended Posts