Thnking of making contact.....

[bohica]

I've posted here several times regarding my past 'relationship'

 

It's been hard for me to move on emotionally and I've been thinking of her a lot recently.

 

I've been thinking of reaching out to her and I need some support and advise. It's been about two months and her b-day just past.

 

I don't want or expect reconciliation or any type of reunion. I have a lot of myself that needs to be worked on before I can consider being involved with anyone. I had this mentality before I even got involved with her. My new business started to fail about two and a half yrs ago. I am 45 yrs old and lost everything and even moved in with my mother. I live week to week and life has been a struggle. However, I love what I do and will not give up my dreams. I was in this situation when we started to date. I thought I had all the love and support a guy in my situation would love to have but towards the end it went away. I guess it's a blessing because I learned she couldn't give me what I want and maybe she wasn't who I thought she was and that out morals and values are different.

 

I loved her and she was my friend at a time when I needed a friend and I hate the way things ended. Not abruptly because it was strung out a little but concluded in kind of in a big bang of a mess of confusion and frustration. Basically it was ' I don't want anything from you' and 'I don't think we should contact each other' over emails and text messages. Of course I was the bleeding heart spilling guts out while she ignored me but hey it is what it is. I guess she was done before I was and I can't beat myself up over regretting being myself.

 

I have this desire to write her and to just say I regret how things ended and that I appreciated what we had early in out time together. I just don't know if the timing is write or not. I still have to work on myself and get my financial and living situation better. Would it be better to wait until I do, does timing matter or should I not even go there? I'd like to be the better person.

[Amelie1980]

I have no advice for you but I'm thinking of doing it too.

 

Been two months since he emailed me.

[Minneloa]

I strongly urge you not to contact her. You will almost undoubtably set back your healing process and cause yourself more pain. Your post states that you have a lot of work to do on yourself, and that is what NC is designed to facilitate. To give you the space and peace to move forward without mixed messages and false hope.

 

Here's a relevant post from earlier today.

 

https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/380346-do-not-break-nc

 

Sending good thoughts.

 

M.

[Mack05]

 

I don't want or expect reconciliation or any type of reunion. I just don't know if the timing is write or not. I still have to work on myself and get my financial and living situation better. Would it be better to wait until I do, does timing matter or should I not even go there? I'd like to be the better person.

 

You are kind of contradicting yourself here. You say you don't want a reconciliation, but you are worried about the timing? If you don't want or a reconciliation, why does the timing matter?

 

Try to put yourself in her shoes. She is probably moving along nicely. Any contact now would not work in a positive way. I always believe if you feel you have done wrong and you want to try clear the air, that it's best to wait after the 6 month mark. At that stage she will have fully emotionally detached, so contact from you won't overly bother her. Not only that, she will probably appreciate your apology a lot more and could even send you a nice message back..

 

You are kidding yourself about breaking NC right now. You hope for a positive reaction from her. Breaking NC will just set you back. Chances are her reaction will not be positive or she might not reply at all. The moment you send the letter/email you will be checking your phone/email 24/7. When you get the negative/neutral/no reaction it just sets you back. It's like day one all over again.

 

Focus on your life. Focus on getting back on track. If you still feel 4-6 months later, that you feel like making an apology then go for it. Either way her reaction after 6 months won't be anywhere near a setback as it would right now. Right now you are vulnerable. If you break NC there is a VERY high probability this will not end well.

 

I have yet to see one really positive story on LS of an emotionally involved person breaking NC. Let it go mate..

Edited March 18, 2013 by Mack05

[Sososad]

If u don't really want anything id defo say

Let sleeping dogs lie ..

For very very little benefit you could be reopening all kinds of emotional wounds

I'm sure in time she will see the begging and basically usual breakup tantrums are normal and not hold it against you.

If you do decide to go through with contacting I'd

Suggest possibly doing a pros & cons list..

And see how you feel after that.

Just be careful there's pages of pages of people on here

Back to square one from making what they thought a harmless contact.

Either way I wish you good luck !

[KatZee]

Don't do it. She seems pretty unconcerned about it ending, and the only response you're going to get is neutral and most likely she won't even respond at all. I sent an e-mail to my ex 4 days after the split just agreeing with him, wishing him well... nothing. Not a peep in response. And I kept looking at my email seeing if he responded. It was torture.

 

Any contact now is just seen as kind of pathetic. Two months is really nothing in terms of time and she's probably going to be aggravated by the contact.

 

Leave it alone. It's done. It's over. Keep moving on.

[The Tallest One]

I agree with above post, let it go, move on, don't get set back to square one. You don't owe her an apology and your kidding yourself, you do want to recocile and you know it.

 

Hell I think of contacting my ex all the time but what's the point? They end it, they are moving on and we have to do the same. Its very simple, if someone wants to be with us, they will contact us!

[NoBrainer]

Learn from my mistake and don't do it.

I text messaged and emailed my ex, for the same reasons.

I hated the way it ended.

I wanted "closure".

I wanted to feel better.

I thought I'd say something that would get her to remember the

good times.

It just annoyed her and made me look weak.

She ended up telling me to just stop and leave her alone.

Ouch!

That made me feel worse!

The thing is, our exes don't view us like partners anymore.

We're no longer special to them. When we email, call and text,

we cross a boundarie. It's like the song says...

We're just someone they used to know.

 

I even ended up making a YouTube video about not contacting your ex.

Mostly, so I could watch it and remind myself how awful it felt to get

rejected again.

What I do when I feel like contacting her, is I look up:

"My ex won't stop texting me", in google.

I read how the person getting contacted by their ex feels.

Most of the time they feel pity or anger.

And as much as I want "closure" or whatever, I don't want pity.

 

I haven't contacted her in over a month.

I miss her, but I don't want to be remembered as that crazy ex

that wouldn't go away.

[bohica]

Thanks for all the responses. I doubt I'll make contact. The urge is there but I need to stay strong. All the reasons not to are there, in my mind but it helps to hear it from others. Great valid points here. Thank again!