ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Well first off, I've been visiting this site anonymously for the last few days, and it seems the user-base is extremely supportive and practically troll-free (I actually had to ask myself "Is this still the internet?!"). You guys and girls have built a wonderful haven of a community and I hope to contribute more to that atmosphere in the future. But, I figured that a good way to get things going was to post an advice thread of my own and see what thoughts or opinions you LSers might have in regards to a situation I'm currently in. And please, don't spare my feelings, I can take blunt harshness, and often prefer it. So! Met a (take your pick of adjective: wonderful, funny, beautiful, charming, interesting, magical...) girl last weekend. I'm not sure what LS's guidelines are in regards to the mention of drug use, but I'll go forward in saying that when I met this girl, she was on ecstacy, and convinced me to take some with her. I do feel that this is important to mention because having tried it several times before, I understand that people are usually a lot more open and intimate on the drug, much moreso than they would be otherwise. Anyway, the next several hours saw me engage in one of the most joyous experiences I've ever had with another human being. We seemed to click on just about every imaginable level, cuddled a bit, rode on a motorcycle together, talked for hours about very personal topics. I had to work the next day, but I was honestly praying to the Pagan gods that the night would not end. However, there was no kissing, hand holding, or anything of the sort. Maybe I didn't want to because we were on drugs, maybe I chickened out, maybe it was because we were around a few other people the whole night, but no moves were made on either side. She texts me the next day, saying that she had fun and would like to hang again. I respond with the same and a "what about this weekend?" She says she's off of work next Saturday night and all day Sunday. However, a text to her on Saturday night is responded with the fact that she's visiting some friends out of town. I text her the next day about a certain show we both watch, but she's behind on (hoping to bring over a copy of the DVD and help her "catch up") but get no response. That is, until about 4:30AM the next morning, which happened to be this morning. Just simply answering the question and nothing more, which I thought was quite strange. I'm getting the impression that she's just not interested, and that's totally fine. We're both at the same stages in life, education, just coming off long-term relationships etc., and I think we would fit perfectly, but here in my mid-twenties, I'm all but immune to the one-itis virus. I'm going NC, but I'm just curious to know what anyone else might think, if I should be doing something else, or if any of you have had similar experiences, perhaps an intimate night solely propelled by drug use or mood enhancers of some sort. Thank you, and I'm really happy to be aboard!
Apolodor Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Do you know that saying...."strike the iron while it's hot"....? Perhaps you've lost "your moment", it happens sometimes. Or maybe, because you were under the influence, you are in no position to assess how the evening actually went?! Maybe she woke up a few days later and thought, WTF??!! In any case, it seems like this one is slipping away, make contigency plans......
Sivok Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 She seems to be trying to fall off your radar. Go NC. Also, who knows how many times she goes to clubs high and has guys join her - you're better off without
Drseussgrrl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Did you wait a whole week to text her about plans?
Cutiepie1976 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 If you want a date on Saturday night, I wouldn't contact the person on Saturday night to ask her out for the same evening. Call the preceding Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday, and make firm plans. Confirm by text on Friday or Saturday morning. Try again. If the answer is still no, then she's not interested.
MrCastle Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 How often does she party/partake in drug use? In my experience it's tough to guage those kind of women as I've found them to be extremely flakey. Their focus is having a good time/partying and lose track of scheduling or communicating with people, etc. It may not be lack of interest on her part but the fact her personality is laid back and she takes a lackadaisical approach to life.
dasein Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I found that when your age in the party set, asking out for the weekend for a first date was a sure way to get flaked, even if the girl actually had some interest. Everyone has a preexisting life, and unless the person is extremely courteous and considerate, hard to find today, plans with a relative stranger get shoved aside by pressure from others, parties, etc. I call it the BBD syndrome. So I'd make one more attempt and ask her out for a weeknight, Mon, Tues or Wed. and see if you get a better result. Also, any signs of considerateness shown a strange new young party type woman, such as asking about a show she missed, or whatever, almost always backfire IME. This shouldn't be the case but sadly is. Meet someone new, call to ask out only, then go out. Keep all the interim contact to nada or bare minimum. Odds are it has nothing to do with you. A woman handing out x to strangers and then hanging out with them all night is a near sure sign of a party girl, and unless you become the BBD very demonstratively (backstage pass to your friend Mick's band or the like), those are very hard to get involved with. They are constantly BBDing. You kind of just have to be in the right place when they turn DTF, and that could entail near superhuman endurance and perseverance. Not generally worth it, and much easier just to meet a normal, nonfabulous, non-scene girl. Good luck. 1
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Did you wait a whole week to text her about plans? Yeah, I did. I guess I kinda sorta thought it was already etched in the schedule for that Saturday. Should've laid somethin more concrete beforehand, huh?
Drseussgrrl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Yeah, I did. I guess I kinda sorta thought it was already etched in the schedule for that Saturday. Should've laid somethin more concrete beforehand, huh? Yeah if I'm into a guy I'm hoping he's trying to lock me down into something. If I didn't hear from him for a week, especially up til the day we had "plans" I would assume he's not interested.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Yeah, I did. I guess I kinda sorta thought it was already etched in the schedule for that Saturday. Should've laid somethin more concrete beforehand, huh? Do you mind my asking how old you are? I just find it really interesting that men can be this "into" a girl and simultaneously be ok with no communication for a week, if even just to confirm plans. Is this common? Because we're kind of taught that guys who do this, and then don't even have a plan but TEXT on the day of said plans are not that into us, want something casual and that you're a waste of time. Not trying to be harsh - I've just had guys do this before and act surprised when I didn't jump at the chance for another date.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Not generally worth it, and much easier just to meet a normal, nonfabulous, non-scene girl. Good luck. I think you're right here. I'm not that type at all, and am totally more comfortable hanging with myself for the most part, and am no stranger to spending a weekend indoors. Otherwise, I think I would have been willing to give this another shot (the right way), but I don't think that I would have it in me to keep her interested for very long, considering her lifestyle compared to mine.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Do you mind my asking how old you are? I just find it really interesting that men can be this "into" a girl and simultaneously be ok with no communication for a week, if even just to confirm plans. Is this common? Because we're kind of taught that guys who do this, and then don't even have a plan but TEXT on the day of said plans are not that into us, want something casual and that you're a waste of time. Not trying to be harsh - I've just had guys do this before and act surprised when I didn't jump at the chance for another date. I'm 25. I have historically, up until the last couple of years, been the type to get super excited when meeting someone and would call/text them every other day "just to chat." This, obviously, ended poorly for me, and perhaps I'm over-compensating and playing it too cool. Trust me, I'm quite into this girl, and wanted to do things the "right" way. Of course, reading these responses, I'm now fully aware that I did not. Most of the time, Suess, it's that we simply don't know what we're doing, not that we're not interested. This is what I've gathered from my experiences anyhow.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Trust me, I'm quite into this girl, and wanted to do things the "right" way. Of course, reading these responses, I'm now fully aware that I did not. Quoting myself yes, but... Suess, do you think it's worth one more shot? Perhaps a phone call Tuesday or Wednesday to lay down something more solid for the weekend? Despite the lifestyle differences, I would definitely be willing to give it another go, hopefully without the risk of making myself foolish, as she and I know are acquainted with some of the same people.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 How often does she party/partake in drug use? According to her, this was the only time in a long while that she has done anything like that. That could've been to save face, but I'm pretty convinced she was telling the truth.
Drseussgrrl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Quoting myself yes, but... Suess, do you think it's worth one more shot? Perhaps a phone call Tuesday or Wednesday to lay down something more solid for the weekend? Despite the lifestyle differences, I would definitely be willing to give it another go, hopefully without the risk of making myself foolish, as she and I know are acquainted with some of the same people. Yes I would call - not text. Make sure you leave a message if she doesn't pick up with two nights this week you had in mind that you'd like to see her. Then, if she calls you back, make sure you have a plan. Doesn't have to be anything fancy. Just suggest a new restaurant you were wanting to try and see if she bites. Good luck.
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Good luck. Thank you! As well of the rest of the posters. Will definitely do this. So glad I joined today!
Author ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted March 20, 2013 Author Posted March 20, 2013 An update: called her today, and we're set to hang out Thursday! Suess, I want to kiss you, forreal. Or at least buy you something cool.
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