Two year relationship came to an end. Is it really over? How to move on?

March 18, 2013

My ex and I have been broken up for almost three months. He was my everything, we lived together, I thought I was going to marry this guy...whole shebang. We had one recurring problem in our relationship - the inability to communicate properly - which, over time, led to our demise as a couple. That, coupled with his inability to put me before his friends and think for himself sometimes.

Post-breakup, I went through the standard motions of begging, pleading, trying to reason with him by telling him that our problems are fixable (because they really are). He didn't budge, but pushed for being my friend and "being there" for me. He also said, "I want you in my life when you're ready to be in it...you never know what the future will bring." I thought to myself, that it's his guilty conscience talking and I declined his friend offer. Despite my saying no, I would still occasionally answer his texts/emails (asking me how I was doing, asking me to let him know how my job/apartment hunt was going, etc.) Eventually, I couldn't take his diplomatic and dry banter, so I told him that I can no longer continue to talk to him as a friend. If he was interested in giving our relationship another shot, he could call me and we'd discuss where I was in life at that point. He said he understood and that he would be there when I'm ready because he wasn't going anywhere.

I did not talk to him for two weeks, but buckled one night and texted him. He responded in his usual diplomatic post-breakup speak...as if I was his business partner, basically saying that he's focusing on himself right now, but isn't going anywhere. So I left it at that. Now it's been almost four weeks since the last text I sent him. I am doing a lot better than I was two months ago, but I still can't help but wonder - if he was as into me as he made it seem throughout our relationship (bringing up marriage, kids, finances, etc.) wouldn't he have realized his mistake in 3 months? Wouldn't he be back by now? I get it, I was the one who proposed the NC...but if he really loved me as much as I thought he did, I think he would have come back. Maybe I'm delusional, maybe he never loved me as much as I thought he did...MAYBE he just wasn't that into me.

I don't know what to do. I can't seem to let go, I want to fight for us. But I don't know if I should...or how far to go...or if I even should.

March 18, 2013

I'm right there with you. If someone really loved you and wanted to be with you, NC would not prevent them from proving their love for you. He would email you, knock on your door, call you, or tell your friend he wants you back.

You did the right thing by going NC. It is the Only option when someone turns on us and does not want us in their life or even unsure if they want us in their life.

Remember : Indecision on their part = They are not coming back to us

March 18, 2013

6 months on with 1 contact email within that time that I initiated and nothing else from her. Your relationship sounds very similar to mine although my ex is now moving 8 hours away.

March 18, 2013

6 months on with 1 contact email within that time that I initiated and nothing else from her. Your relationship sounds very similar to mine although my ex is now moving 8 hours away.

lucky you! I feel like things would be easier if he just moved to Russia or something

March 18, 2013

You want to fight for the relationship? Why? I'm sorry but you need to remove yourself from the blind love you have for this guy and try to peer from the outside in.

HE'S not fighting for you. Not even a little bit. He has no interest in being your boyfriend/partner/fiance/husband/father of your kids.

It sucks to hear that but the exact same scenario happened with my ex. Together almost three years, no communication from his end, he put everything and anything ahead of me. Why do you desire marriage with a person like this? Are the issues fixable? Of course. But BOTH need to want to fix them. He doesn't. And neither did my ex. He just walked and took the easier path in life.

Is it really over? Yes. It is. And in the grand scheme of life, this is a mere blip in the radar and if you go complete NC, and go completely dark on him and push him out of your life, you will start to see that.

In the beginning of my split I was sad. I obsessed over getting him back. I did keep NC from day one though, and in no point did he ever "realize his mistake" and try to come back. It's been 10 months now and he's not so much as farted in my general direction. This was a guy who said he saw us living together, getting engaged, etc.

I cleansed my life as if he never existed and I'm 10 months out, completely over him, indifferent and excited for what life has in store for me. I'm so much happier NOW than I ever was with him, and that to me is SHOCKING because I thought I was so insanely happy with him. But who can be happy taking a backseat in someone's life?

The issues we had made me a miserable, negative, insecure and paranoid person. I would NEVER go back to that. Be strong, keep NC, get rid of pics, clean your space, focus on you, go out with friends, meet new friends, pamper yourself. It DOES get better!

March 18, 2013

You want to fight for the relationship? Why? I'm sorry but you need to remove yourself from the blind love you have for this guy and try to peer from the outside in.

HE'S not fighting for you. Not even a little bit. He has no interest in being your boyfriend/partner/fiance/husband/father of your kids.

It sucks to hear that but the exact same scenario happened with my ex. Together almost three years, no communication from his end, he put everything and anything ahead of me. Why do you desire marriage with a person like this? Are the issues fixable? Of course. But BOTH need to want to fix them. He doesn't. And neither did my ex. He just walked and took the easier path in life.

Is it really over? Yes. It is. And in the grand scheme of life, this is a mere blip in the radar and if you go complete NC, and go completely dark on him and push him out of your life, you will start to see that.

In the beginning of my split I was sad. I obsessed over getting him back. I did keep NC from day one though, and in no point did he ever "realize his mistake" and try to come back. It's been 10 months now and he's not so much as farted in my general direction. This was a guy who said he saw us living together, getting engaged, etc.

I cleansed my life as if he never existed and I'm 10 months out, completely over him, indifferent and excited for what life has in store for me. I'm so much happier NOW than I ever was with him, and that to me is SHOCKING because I thought I was so insanely happy with him. But who can be happy taking a backseat in someone's life?

The issues we had made me a miserable, negative, insecure and paranoid person. I would NEVER go back to that. Be strong, keep NC, get rid of pics, clean your space, focus on you, go out with friends, meet new friends, pamper yourself. It DOES get better!

KatZee, thanks for that. I needed to hear that today.

When he ended things, he kept saying how he wants to remain friends and have me in his life down the road. At first, I was like, "are you kidding me? you broke my heart and you think that somehow your guilty conscience is going to keep me in your life? gtfo!" But then as weeks passed by, after I had initiated NC, I started questioning myself....my decision to go cold turkey because WHAT IF not doing so would bring him back and allow us to fix things? Because if you're no longer friends and the line of communication is closed, how would things ever get fixed? My friends tell me, "you asked for no contact, you can't get angry with him for not initiating contact, as all he's doing is honoring your wishes." call me deluded, but I'd expect the love of my life to be the type to say "Screw her NC policy, I love her, I want to be with her, I'm going to try contacting her anyway because she's worth it to me." But he hasn't done that. In fact, he hasn't done anything. I don't know why I'm still doubting myself.

March 18, 2013

If you remain his "friend" after he dumps you, the only thing that does is show him you're a doormat, and willing to accept the bare minimum he'll give just in order to remain in his life.

He's being selfish, and easing his own guilt by asking for a friendship. Also, if you DID remain his friend he gets to go through life thinking, "well if she's my friend, that means I'm not such a horrible person!"

I never entertained my exes offer to be a friend. I was like are you kidding me? We date for three years, you say all this stuff to me about engagement and now you want to be a "friend??" you're not a friend to me. Sorry.

And if someone wants you back, they WILL beat your door down and make that move. Even if you are in NC they will creep back in and make themselves present in your life. Especially since HE dumped you. He's very capable of making that move if he so chose.

Also, anyone capable of going from lover to "friend" is no longer in love with you and hasn't been in love with you for quite some time. Guys are not capable of being "just friends" with a woman they are in love with. They are territorial. They want to stake their claim. They don't want to see any other men moving in on what is "theirs." The fact he's capable of that? Keep it moving.

March 18, 2013

If you remain his "friend" after he dumps you, the only thing that does is show him you're a doormat, and willing to accept the bare minimum he'll give just in order to remain in his life.

He's being selfish, and easing his own guilt by asking for a friendship. Also, if you DID remain his friend he gets to go through life thinking, "well if she's my friend, that means I'm not such a horrible person!"

I never entertained my exes offer to be a friend. I was like are you kidding me? We date for three years, you say all this stuff to me about engagement and now you want to be a "friend??" you're not a friend to me. Sorry.

And if someone wants you back, they WILL beat your door down and make that move. Even if you are in NC they will creep back in and make themselves present in your life. Especially since HE dumped you. He's very capable of making that move if he so chose.

Also, anyone capable of going from lover to "friend" is no longer in love with you and hasn't been in love with you for quite some time. Guys are not capable of being "just friends" with a woman they are in love with. They are territorial. They want to stake their claim. They don't want to see any other men moving in on what is "theirs." The fact he's capable of that? Keep it moving.

That last paragraph slapped me back to reality. When you put it like that. I guess he was an Oscar worthy performer because I never, till the minute before he walked out, questioned his love for me. Maybe I'm the moron here.

March 18, 2013

That last paragraph slapped me back to reality. When you put it like that. I guess he was an Oscar worthy performer because I never, till the minute before he walked out, questioned his love for me. Maybe I'm the moron here.

My ex was the same as well. He was all "I'm so in love with you" up until the very last second, then made his exit and it's like I never meant a thing to him.

March 18, 2013

My ex was the same as well. He was all "I'm so in love with you" up until the very last second, then made his exit and it's like I never meant a thing to him.

Bastards. I think that's what gets me the most - feeling gullible and missing the signs while doing everything possible to make him happy.

How do you stay so strong? Like, what went on in your mind post-breakup? How did you keep your chin up for 10 months without fail?

March 18, 2013

Bastards. I think that's what gets me the most - feeling gullible and missing the signs while doing everything possible to make him happy.

How do you stay so strong? Like, what went on in your mind post-breakup? How did you keep your chin up for 10 months without fail?

My general nature is that of a strong person. I'm extremely strong willed, and stubborn and when I say something, I mean it. I don't waffle around. My ex did knock me down to the point where I was so insecure and I allowed him to cross all my boundaries. He became emotionally abusive and he made me feel like crap. However when he broke up with me, he was saying things like "I just need some space, I still love you, I can see us getting back together, you're so amazing..."

So I knew in order to get him back (yes I wanted him back after everything he put me through ) I knew I would have to give him the space he wanted. So for the next 5 weeks I stayed NC thinking he'd have this chance to miss me, see what life was like without me. I did nothing but sit on websites on "How To Get Your Ex Back" and was looking at tips and tricks, obsessing, the whole 9 yards.

At the 5 week mark I did reach out to him and sent ONE text. I had just moved into my apartment and I wanted to be casual and non-chalant and he actually called me in response to my text. We spoke for 15 minutes and then we went back into NC. About two weeks later my friend had gone onto FB to look at his page and she noticed he deleted her. I found out that he deleted all of my friends from his account. I knew right then and there he was trying to hide something from me.

Not even 10 minutes later he sends me a text message being a complete and utter a.sshole. He tells me there "is no us." and that he was sorry he gave me the wrong impression and that I should go ahead and sell all the jewelry he ever bought for me. To say that I ripped him about 10 new a.ssholes is an understatement. I was in a complete rage. I HAD the reasons to dump him and even after being dumped by him I was still kind, accommodating, and caring to him. It was at this point that I realized what an utter and complete piece of s.hit he was. I had been virtually 2 months NC and I was seeing things clearer.

A couple days later, I see on FB that his cousin uploaded a picture of him and this girl (a girl he met at his new job). I realized then why he turned into this awful person. He met someone else and he was going off to explore with her and wanted me out of the picture. The dumba.ss actually thought by deleting my friends that he'd hide what he was doing. Too bad I'm friends with HIS friends/family on FB and see everything.

Anyway... that picture I saw was taken down about a half hour later. Turns out his new gf didn't quite work out and they were done a month after it began. HAHA! Joke was on him.

By this point though, I see him for what he is. A bulls.hitter. A liar. A cheater. A damn coward. I feel nothing for him at this point but hate, and rage. I regret not dumping him when I should have, I regret letting him treat me as horrible as he did. It was this anger which pushed me forward. I stayed in the anger stage for a good 3+ months. This was the worst because I was pretty much Satan. Nothing but venom was coming out of my mouth, but once I started to forgive myself...and accept it... it started to fade.

I can't tell you exactly when I was over him. Maybe 7-8 months post breakup? All I know is that once I got past the initial shock of losing someone I had spent nearly every day with for years... I realized how easy it was to walk away from him. I never really had the urge to reach out and contact him. I missed him, yes. I missed what I thought we had, yes. But at the end of the day I wasn't reaching for my phone and trying to be pathetic by talking to him.

And as the weeks turned into months, I started meeting new people, going out on dates just to boost my ego, I started doing new things, revamped my image, putting a lot of effort into my job, got my new apartment... my life was just way too full of things to even worry about his pathetic existence.

Long story, I know... but that's how I did it!

March 18, 2013

My general nature is that of a strong person. I'm extremely strong willed, and stubborn and when I say something, I mean it. I don't waffle around. My ex did knock me down to the point where I was so insecure and I allowed him to cross all my boundaries. He became emotionally abusive and he made me feel like crap. However when he broke up with me, he was saying things like "I just need some space, I still love you, I can see us getting back together, you're so amazing..."

So I knew in order to get him back (yes I wanted him back after everything he put me through ) I knew I would have to give him the space he wanted. So for the next 5 weeks I stayed NC thinking he'd have this chance to miss me, see what life was like without me. I did nothing but sit on websites on "How To Get Your Ex Back" and was looking at tips and tricks, obsessing, the whole 9 yards.

At the 5 week mark I did reach out to him and sent ONE text. I had just moved into my apartment and I wanted to be casual and non-chalant and he actually called me in response to my text. We spoke for 15 minutes and then we went back into NC. About two weeks later my friend had gone onto FB to look at his page and she noticed he deleted her. I found out that he deleted all of my friends from his account. I knew right then and there he was trying to hide something from me.

Not even 10 minutes later he sends me a text message being a complete and utter a.sshole. He tells me there "is no us." and that he was sorry he gave me the wrong impression and that I should go ahead and sell all the jewelry he ever bought for me. To say that I ripped him about 10 new a.ssholes is an understatement. I was in a complete rage. I HAD the reasons to dump him and even after being dumped by him I was still kind, accommodating, and caring to him. It was at this point that I realized what an utter and complete piece of s.hit he was. I had been virtually 2 months NC and I was seeing things clearer.

A couple days later, I see on FB that his cousin uploaded a picture of him and this girl (a girl he met at his new job). I realized then why he turned into this awful person. He met someone else and he was going off to explore with her and wanted me out of the picture. The dumba.ss actually thought by deleting my friends that he'd hide what he was doing. Too bad I'm friends with HIS friends/family on FB and see everything.

Anyway... that picture I saw was taken down about a half hour later. Turns out his new gf didn't quite work out and they were done a month after it began. HAHA! Joke was on him.

By this point though, I see him for what he is. A bulls.hitter. A liar. A cheater. A damn coward. I feel nothing for him at this point but hate, and rage. I regret not dumping him when I should have, I regret letting him treat me as horrible as he did. It was this anger which pushed me forward. I stayed in the anger stage for a good 3+ months. This was the worst because I was pretty much Satan. Nothing but venom was coming out of my mouth, but once I started to forgive myself...and accept it... it started to fade.

I can't tell you exactly when I was over him. Maybe 7-8 months post breakup? All I know is that once I got past the initial shock of losing someone I had spent nearly every day with for years... I realized how easy it was to walk away from him. I never really had the urge to reach out and contact him. I missed him, yes. I missed what I thought we had, yes. But at the end of the day I wasn't reaching for my phone and trying to be pathetic by talking to him.

And as the weeks turned into months, I started meeting new people, going out on dates just to boost my ego, I started doing new things, revamped my image, putting a lot of effort into my job, got my new apartment... my life was just way too full of things to even worry about his pathetic existence.

Long story, I know... but that's how I did it!

See, my case was different. When we met, he was into me a lot more than I was into him. Kept saying he's out of my league and all that jazz. And even though he wasn't my type, I gave him a chance because he was nice. And my repetitive involvement with a**holes was getting me nowhere. Our relationship moved quickly, he was CRAZY about me...I had my doubts because he was too good to be true, but eventually let my walls down. I, too, was a strong person. Stubborn, strong willed, independent, and most importantly I always knew my self worth.

He was a non-confrontational people pleaser. I always said what was on my mind. He always thought that, just because my delivery wasn't sugar coated, I was always our to hurt him. His incessant pleasing practices with his friends, family, etc. started getting to me because it was as though he was pleasing everyone but me. Correction, there was nothing he wouldn't do for me that he wouldn't do for his friends. At times, it was as though he could not live without his friends. And not for nothing, but a 30 year old man should be perfectly capable of creating boundaries between his friends and the woman he claimed he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, create a family with, etc.

80% of our relationship was perfect. The other 20% was completely fixable. With effort on both my end, as well as his. I was willing to put in the effort. He said he'd exhausted all his energy to try because he tried so much time and time again while we were still together - which is bull****. I told him how much he meant to me and how I thought he was giving up on something completely fixable, he disagreed. I told him I loved him, he didn't respond. But I figured once he's had some time to mull things over and think about what he's lost, he'd be back. Like you, I've spent countless hours on the "How To Get Your Ex Back" sites, listening to the bull**** NC preachers and their guarantees. I even saw a psychic out of desperation because I didn't know what else to do. I went to therapy to work through my faults...the ones that could have contributed to our downfall. I figured that once I work out all my issues, and he his, we'd give it another go. And all this time, the thought of the probability that he had fallen out of love with me didn't even cross my mind. I mean, how could he? Impossible. But at this point, there is no other explanation. It's just SO hard to come to terms with the fact that the man you thought was going to be there forever just walks away. Without so much as one weak moment, without a single drunk call/text, without so much as a single display of emotion since he first walked out.

March 18, 2013

See, my case was different. When we met, he was into me a lot more than I was into him. Kept saying he's out of my league and all that jazz.

Our relationship moved quickly, he was CRAZY about me...I had my doubts because he was too good to be true, but eventually let my walls down. I, too, was a strong person. Stubborn, strong willed, independent, and most importantly I always knew my self worth.

He was a non-confrontational people pleaser.

I always said what was on my mind. He always thought that, just because my delivery wasn't sugar coated, I was always our to hurt him.

His incessant pleasing practices with his friends, family, etc. started getting to me because it was as though he was pleasing everyone but me.

It's just SO hard to come to terms with the fact that the man you thought was going to be there forever just walks away. Without so much as one weak moment, without a single drunk call/text, without so much as a single display of emotion since he first walked out.

We are not so different because this was my ex as well. When we met he chased me hardcore. Telling me he never felt for anyone the way he did me, I was his angel, I was everything he had been looking for his entire life. That he didn't know how he got so lucky to have a girl like me.

We shot off like a rocket as well. Going 0-60 in 3.5. At the end he said, "we moved too fast. I wish I had met you at a different time in my life." Really? He was the one who initiated ALL of what we had gone through.

I was confident, strong willed, and secure at the beginning of us, and over time, with the subtle emotional abuse, making me feel like I was crazy, I became the complete opposite. I think that's what he wanted. He wanted some weak girl he could control, and mold into whatever he wanted.

My ex too was always concerned about kissing everyone's a.ss. But with me? Forget it. I'm the one who got the brunt of his moods, and I was the one who saw him for what he really was. In public? Around his friends, family, coworkers... he was this all amazing great guy and no one had a bad thing to say about him. So when we ended and everyone started hearing about what he did to me they were all like, "HE did that?!?!?!? I never would have thought he was capable of those things!"

He never liked "confrontation" either. So if he did something that made me sad, or angry he would say I was nagging him or trying to start drama. Meanwhile all I was trying to do was communicate like a normal person. We never had blowout fights, I never once raised my voice at him.

And I too thought the same thing!!! A week after we broke up he went to this party at a beer garden and I knew he would be getting wasted. I kept thinking, "watch. I'll wake up to a drunk text." and NOTHING.

That day was the last day (except for the one phone call) that he ever tried to contact me.

March 18, 2013

We are not so different because this was my ex as well. When we met he chased me hardcore. Telling me he never felt for anyone the way he did me, I was his angel, I was everything he had been looking for his entire life. That he didn't know how he got so lucky to have a girl like me.

We shot off like a rocket as well. Going 0-60 in 3.5. At the end he said, "we moved too fast. I wish I had met you at a different time in my life." Really? He was the one who initiated ALL of what we had gone through.

I was confident, strong willed, and secure at the beginning of us, and over time, with the subtle emotional abuse, making me feel like I was crazy, I became the complete opposite. I think that's what he wanted. He wanted some weak girl he could control, and mold into whatever he wanted.

My ex too was always concerned about kissing everyone's a.ss. But with me? Forget it. I'm the one who got the brunt of his moods, and I was the one who saw him for what he really was. In public? Around his friends, family, coworkers... he was this all amazing great guy and no one had a bad thing to say about him. So when we ended and everyone started hearing about what he did to me they were all like, "HE did that?!?!?!? I never would have thought he was capable of those things!"

He never liked "confrontation" either. So if he did something that made me sad, or angry he would say I was nagging him or trying to start drama. Meanwhile all I was trying to do was communicate like a normal person. We never had blowout fights, I never once raised my voice at him.

And I too thought the same thing!!! A week after we broke up he went to this party at a beer garden and I knew he would be getting wasted. I kept thinking, "watch. I'll wake up to a drunk text." and NOTHING.

That day was the last day (except for the one phone call) that he ever tried to contact me.

Wow. Once I started airing my dirty laundry about our fights to my friends, their reaction was, "are you sure you don't have him confused with someone else??" or "nahhhh, he would NEVER!!" it's like I was the insane person who had seen his REAL side. The one that his friends (the ones he'd repeatedly put before me) had never even seen. And that's when I say to myself, wtf is wrong with you, why do you need a "man" like that?! it's as if I want to fix him and make him into the guy I always knew he could be. And that's where I'm going wrong.

P.S. are you sure we're not talking about the same guy? lol

March 18, 2013

Wow. Once I started airing my dirty laundry about our fights to my friends, their reaction was, "are you sure you don't have him confused with someone else??" or "nahhhh, he would NEVER!!" it's like I was the insane person who had seen his REAL side. The one that his friends (the ones he'd repeatedly put before me) had never even seen. And that's when I say to myself, wtf is wrong with you, why do you need a "man" like that?! it's as if I want to fix him and make him into the guy I always knew he could be. And that's where I'm going wrong.

P.S. are you sure we're not talking about the same guy? lol

LOL! We could be! Same thing. I always felt I was crazy because he was one way with me, and a completely fake phony person with everyone else. He even told me, "you're the first person I've ever been able to be myself around." Oh. Great. I'm SO flattered I get to see who you really are! A crappy person! He would say things like, "I'm not even close to my friends. I consider them my drinking friends. I don't open up to them on a personal level." The things he said about some of the girls too! If I was really that spiteful I would have told them everything!! At least my ex acknowledged he was phony. My problem was that I saw these red flags and continued to stay. Lesson learned!

March 18, 2013

My ex-boyfriend is exactly the same as this! He was a people-pleaser to the point that it almost embarrassed me when we were in public because it was so obvious. And everyone was shocked when he walked out on me because we were happy.

Our core problem was also communication. We had a great relationship most of the time. He was very conflict-avoidant and perceived any negativity as a threat. He never saw my side or apologized for anything because he was immediately defensive. This escalated into arguments and nasty words on both sides because my needs were not being met and he felt threatened. Sometimes he would even stonewall me. But we could've worked it out. Instead he packed up a U-haul and left after our most serious argument that was caused by something that was very, very clearly his fault.

I am beginning to believe that he was not honest with me about who he really was. I am starting to think that the people-pleasing extended to me and he told me or agreed with me on things that he really didn't believe in, like an engagement or how much he loved me, common values, etc.

March 18, 2013

Our core problem was also communication. We had a great relationship most of the time. He was very conflict-avoidant and perceived any negativity as a threat. He never saw my side or apologized for anything because he was immediately defensive.

Sometimes he would even stonewall me. But we could've worked it out. Instead he packed up a U-haul and left after our most serious argument that was caused by something that was very, very clearly his fault.

I am beginning to believe that he was not honest with me about who he really was. I am starting to think that the people-pleasing extended to me and he told me or agreed with me on things that he really didn't believe in, like an engagement or how much he loved me, common values, etc.

Yep. Same here, exactly. I believe my ex to be a narcissist. He ticks pretty much every single box. One of them being lack of empathy, lack of being able to see things from my POV and he could never relate or put himself in my shoes. It was his way or nothing. I'd often be like, "what if I did to you what you just did to me?" And he'd always act mind blown. Like WOW could that ever happen?!

And stop with the "it could have worked." You need to get out of that mindset, because no. It wasn't going to work. If your ex is like mine, then they live a life where they can do no wrong. Everyone else is always the problem, everyone else has the flaws and faults, but never them. Even if they blatantly do something wrong, it's always the OTHER person that made them act that way. Because they view life this way, they don't understand or grasp things the way we do.

My ex also did the stone wall where I would be honest about how he made me feel and he would ice me out for days on end, ignore me, not take calls, not answer texts or just be very one wordy, and then he'd come back days later as if NOTHING happened, and he'd just pick up right where we left off. There was no discussion, no resolution of problems... just complete avoidance, and then the press of the reset button.

If your ex is anything like this, I highly suggest getting the book "Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl." I found out that my ex was complete, to a T, everything they said in the book. Unavailable. He set the pace of the relationship. If it progressed further than he wanted, he would pull the hot and cold game and bring the relationship back down to HIS comfort level. That's where the "reset button" comes in. They feel out of control and need to bring it back to where they need it. Everything is on their terms, etc.

These people love you as much as they're capable, but it's not at the level at which emotionally available people love others. They often future fake (talking about marriage, kids, etc) but never follow through.

But these are HIS issues and until he works though it (which he may NEVER) the relationship with you would never have worked out the way you wanted. So get rid of that mentality.

March 19, 2013

And stop with the "it could have worked." You need to get out of that mindset, because no. It wasn't going to work.

I respectfully disagree. I think it could have worked out for all three of us. IF, and this is vital, and ONLY IF these three men actually had balls.

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Two year relationship came to an end. Is it really over? How to move on?

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