Amelie1980 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I will agree with you there....I am amazed at the way people throw away good relationships over trivial crap. Maybe its social media? I have a theory. Stuff like Facebook is a relationship KILLER. You get someone who is weak of character and what starts as a simple flirty remark or a "like" of a status and the next thing you know, they are off and running. They then throw away something good.....maybe they regret it later but the damage is done. Frabkly as a guy, a woman with a FB obsession is as much of a turn-off as anything I can think of.. Best to you Amelie!! TFOY Yup in searching for the perfect partner (which doesn't exist) you could by pass someone who would make you perfectly happy.
adelia Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Maybe I'm in the minority but it's never been about " good looks" to me and that's being 100% honest. It's more about attraction and that comes from more than a physical level. I could give two iotas how good looking a guy is. I mean sure there has to be some measure of attraction but it's so so much more than just that. Actually, I think that you might have a point there. We are all incredibly similar at a fundamental level. However, where we differ is in our expectations, I've moved onto a dating site and the expectations of some people are utterly mind boggling. The profiles of some pretty average individuals have 'shopping lists' of desirable attributes ina partner that beggar belief - and - I'm sorry gals - but it tends to be women who have the most un-realistic expectations. That's not to say that the fat, balding, middle-aged couch potatoes aren't holding out for the 25 year old, bikini-clad hotties. Relationships are infintely disposable these days. So, why work at trying to make something that is 70 or 80% good when you have the next prospect hammering at your Inbox or chatting you up at the supermarket?? Even within marriage almost two thirds of partners cheat - men tending to stray slightly more than women (Or, is that just that men are more honest about it and women don't get caught out as often??). Plus, we have to address what people say that they want and what they actually accept. I have read dozens (maybe hundreds of profiles) with "kind, caring, honest, reliable man" but read further down and find the need for "chemistry" or "a spark" and the previous statement need not apply! It all boils down to looks - whether you be male or female. Physical attraction is oftenthe be all and end all. Everything else is noise and chatter. If anyone has ever watched the episode of "Frasier" where he brings his old classmate to a surprise party, he's trying to get with one of her friends. They have something like seven or eight attributes/things in common, yet the moment he turns his back, she's off with the good looking guy. A little bit of honesty would save a worldful of heart break.
travelonic Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 ...and not twist in the wind with some misguided false hope of a reconciliation. But is the hope that reconciliation down the line really misguided or false inherently, or is there more to it - like the relationship had, the people in it, how the relationship ended, as well as whether you look at it as a "hope it is possible," and compartmentalize it to focus on healing instead of letting it ferment into something more than just a hope/let it prevent you from healing, that goes into whether such hope is false/misguided? I think for this an all or nothing attitude does not work [but that is a reoccurring trend in my thinking if you haven't noticed by now ]
Mack05 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) Maybe I'm in the minority but it's never been about " good looks" to me and that's being 100% honest. It's more about attraction and that comes from more than a physical level. I could give two iotas how good looking a guy is. I mean sure there has to be some measure of attraction but it's so so much more than just that. Finally some genuinity and positivity! So guys there you have it. Work hard, be positive, belief in yourself and you could get an awesome girl like Adelia .. If you are going to be negative why not just throw the towel in now? I mean what's the point? As journey once said -> Don't Stop Believing Journey lyrics - YouTube Edited March 18, 2013 by Mack05 1
adelia Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Finally some genuinity and positivity! So guys there you have it. Work hard, be positive, belief in yourself and you could get an awesome girl like Adelia .. If you are going to be negative why not just throw the towel in now? I mean what's the point? As journey once said -> Don't Stop Believing Journey lyrics - YouTube Thnks of course I'm just speaking for myself. I've learned through past relationships what I value more and it isn't looks. Looks only go so far and longterm fade. I can see and sympathize with the other views it's hard not to feel negative when you've been faced with heartbreak. At some point you have to have a different outlook if you want to encourage the type of partner you're looking for and improve your life. 1
Mack05 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 At some point you have to have a different outlook if you want to encourage the type of partner you're looking for and improve your life. This is the key line for me... 1
Love4Pain Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I don't think I have hardly any expectations compared to some people in those examples of dating profiles. If you can make me laugh, have a good time with me, care about me and treat me right, don't cheat on me, then you're set. I've dated guys who weren't necessarily "great" looking or had the body of a model, but that didn't stop me from getting into a relationship with them. I will admit I would love if a caring, funny, nice, smart, loyal and *drop dead gorgeous man would be interested in me (don't care if he is rich!) for who I am but I'm not holding my breath and expecting all the gorgeous men in the world to fall at my feet. I don't even think in my ex's case that looks were a factor for him to choose another female over me, in his case it was about convenience and availability, going the easy route instead of the one that took a little bit more work because we were Long distance. That doesn't make me feel any better either, and the fact that we had to take the time to get to know each other first because of the fact that we couldn't just meet and hook up every day to fuel our relationship.
travelonic Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Maybe I'm in the minority but it's never been about " good looks" to me and that's being 100% honest. It's more about attraction and that comes from more than a physical level. I could give two iotas how good looking a guy is. I mean sure there has to be some measure of attraction but it's so so much more than just that. This summarizes me. IMO, somebody who says "let's be honest," and says ideals like adelia's here are not possible, aren't being honest themselves/are calling the kettle black.
thefooloftheyear Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 But is the hope that reconciliation down the line really misguided or false inherently, or is there more to it - like the relationship had, the people in it, how the relationship ended, as well as whether you look at it as a "hope it is possible," and compartmentalize it to focus on healing instead of letting it ferment into something more than just a hope/let it prevent you from healing, that goes into whether such hope is false/misguided? I think for this an all or nothing attitude does not work [but that is a reoccurring trend in my thinking if you haven't noticed by now ] You're answer is confusing.... Ill just say that if you are saying that having some "hope" helps you get through your day-then so be it. My thinking is try and forget about it and if it happens and things DO work out-then great. TFOY 1
singme2sleep Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I get what you're saying, I do. But what about couples who do reunite and stay together? It isn't always the case of "if they truly wanted you they wouldn't have broken up with you..."
thefooloftheyear Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I get what you're saying, I do. But what about couples who do reunite and stay together? It isn't always the case of "if they truly wanted you they wouldn't have broken up with you..." I know what you are saying....and yes, it does happen. However....unless the circumstances were truly unique(and I dont know what your sitch was) how "secure" are you going to be once you reconcile? If you were the dumpee, are you ever going to feel like it couldnt happen again? That is the problem. One thing that does puzzle me(and might give some hope to the dumped-hey me too!), are the amount of stories where someone complains that they got dumped because the other person went back to their ex?? I guess I am in the minority...If something is awesome, im reluctant to let go... Good luck to you, girl! TFOY
Thunderchild Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I don't think I have hardly any expectations compared to some people in those examples of dating profiles. If you can make me laugh, have a good time with me, care about me and treat me right, don't cheat on me, then you're set. I've dated guys who weren't necessarily "great" looking or had the body of a model, but that didn't stop me from getting into a relationship with them. I will admit I would love if a caring, funny, nice, smart, loyal and *drop dead gorgeous man would be interested in me (don't care if he is rich!) for who I am but I'm not holding my breath and expecting all the gorgeous men in the world to fall at my feet. I don't even think in my ex's case that looks were a factor for him to choose another female over me, in his case it was about convenience and availability, going the easy route instead of the one that took a little bit more work because we were Long distance. That doesn't make me feel any better either, and the fact that we had to take the time to get to know each other first because of the fact that we couldn't just meet and hook up every day to fuel our relationship. OK - So, you would date the guy begging on the street corner who "make(s) me laugh, have a good time with me, care about me and treat me right, don't cheat on me ................... weren't necessarily "great" looking or had the body of a model" then??
travelonic Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I get what you're saying, I do. But what about couples who do reunite and stay together? It isn't always the case of "if they truly wanted you they wouldn't have broken up with you..." IMO "if they truly wanted you they wouldn't have broken up with you..." is true in some cases, but really oversimplifies things too much, ignores a lot of variables that exist, and always factor into things, and thus can not be used validly as a blanket statement.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 OK - So, you would date the guy begging on the street corner who "make(s) me laugh, have a good time with me, care about me and treat me right, don't cheat on me ................... weren't necessarily "great" looking or had the body of a model" then?? If he was begging, that means he wouldn't have the attractive ambition and work ethic. It wouldn't be his looks, or lack of them. I'm not a great looking dude. Heck, I look like a couch potato and I'm sitting on my couch writing this. But my looks have only been a crutch when I've allowed them to be. I've pulled women, even women who wear bikinis occasionally, over guys who are more traditionally good-looking. While there are women that go for looks, looks, looks, in general women aren't as outwardly obsessed with how the other sex looks than men are. I've seen dudes look worse than me pull "hot" tail.
Love4Pain Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 OK - So, you would date the guy begging on the street corner who "make(s) me laugh, have a good time with me, care about me and treat me right, don't cheat on me ................... weren't necessarily "great" looking or had the body of a model" then?? Haha I think I'm confused about the begging on the street corner. I'm saying I don't have unrealistic expectations about a guy that I am going to have a relationship with.
Author calgary Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 IMO "if they truly wanted you they wouldn't have broken up with you..." is true in some cases, but really oversimplifies things too much, ignores a lot of variables that exist, and always factor into things, and thus can not be used validly as a blanket statement. yeah like I really did not want to end things with my ex.. I really did not want to dump her at all... but then I didn't want to stand around whilst she flirted with other guys and got mad at my for accusing her of things/ looking jealous.. when really she looked flirty.. I asked her to stop.. she wouldn't.. what was I going to do? stick by her whilst she hurt my feelings.. I wanted to be with her, I really aren't over her right now.. but she was really hurting me and unwilling to stop.. I had to end it... she wasn't willing to work at it/ doesn't want a relationship.
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