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Has anyone ever had an ex girlfiend get back in touch months/years later?

Ready36

By Ready36
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Ready36 Member

Ready36

Posted
Posted (edited)

Just interested really in hearing about other people's experiences. I was with a girl for about 6.5 months. She is just turned 23 and I'm 29.

 

She finished things because she said her feelings had changed all of a sudden and the attraction had gone.

 

She also said she didn't want a relationship. Now I learn she is in a relationship after dating a guy for just 3 weeks. She started dating him about 6 weeks after our lost contact (about 4 months after break up which I initated to get some closure) shen she said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone and is happier being by herself.

 

We are no contact, but I was very good to her.

 

I just wondered if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and had them come back further down the line?

Edited by Ready36
Coping Vortex Established Member

Coping Vortex

Posted
Posted
Just interested really in hearing about other people's experiences. I was with a girl for about 6.5 months. She is just turned 23 and I'm 29.

 

She finished things because she said her feelings had changed all of a sudden and the attraction had gone.

 

She also said she didn't want a relationship. Now I learn she is in a relationship after dating a guy for just 3 weeks. She started dating him about 6 weeks after our lost contact (about 4 months after break up which I initated to get some closure) shen she said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone and is happier being by herself.

 

We are no contact, but I was very good to her.

 

I just wondered if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and had them come back further down the line?

I would venture to say if you only dated her for 6.5 months she probably won't contact you. Only because in that period of time you don't build up a lot of memories. I think it's memory triggers are what causes an ex to contact you. I had dated my ex for years. We have a lot memories and plenty of triggers for her to think of me and maybe contact me.

 

Some ex's I dated for years did contact me. Any I dated for months, I ever heard from. Just not of enough memories. Not enough of time. People have chunks of time in their lives where their life is a certain way. Then something changes. They move. They get a new job. Meet a new love etc. if you are significant part of that chunk you will represent that portion in their life. To me 6.5 months is not enough time to really leave your mark in their life. I think it takes years for someone to be intertwined in your life.

 

Sorry I know it's not what you wanted to hear.

Bluerain Member

Bluerain

Posted
Posted

I recently had an ex trying to contact me....17 years later, we were together 7 years!

 

I've ignored all of his attempts to make contact with me.

Mack05 Established Member

Mack05

Posted
Posted (edited)

Ready36 staying in this kind of thought process just delays your healing. The sooner you accept that she is not coming back, the better it will be for you in the long run.

 

I would say 95 times or (probably) more in 100 they don't come back and you never hear from them again. Just listen to what she said and focus on her actions after the relationship was over.

 

She doesn't want a relationship, the attraction is gone. She has moved onto someone else. That is as clear a message as you can get...Just cause you thought the relationship was great, doesn't mean she did. Try not to project your feelings about the relationship onto her, or try figure out what she is thinking/feeling. It's a waste of time. Think of it as two entirely different wavelengths on an oscilloscope that never cross.

 

Even on the tiny chance she did come back, I would say this is a lot of heartbreak/pain and hassle for you in the future. Best avoid the girls the fall for you quickly and move on even quicker.

 

Instead of focusing on her, why not use this time for reflection and self improvement? She is having fun and moving on, while you are wasting precious time on a fantasy that will never happen. Silly eh?

Edited by Mack05
  • Like 3
MsIndependent1 New Member

MsIndependent1

Posted
Posted

Unfortunately, I'm going to have to agree with the other posters. 6.5 months is just not enough time to really form memories which could leave such an imprint to rekindle memories in a person's mind regarding a relationship. However, in my experience when it comes to ex's coming back, they have all returned back after a period of time to try again. But all these relationships were 1+ year relationships.

Cogee Established Member

Cogee

Posted
Posted

I disagree with the notion that 6.5 months is too short to form memories. It really depends on how the 6.5 months were, and how long you knew the person beforehand, reasons for break up, and how much time has passed.

 

My friend regrets years later leaving someone that they dated for 7 months because they had a great time and see now how good that person is. It's just that other factors got in the way (distance and an ex returning to their life). My friend went on to have a 5 year relationship with her ex which ended about a year ago and she greatly misses that 7 month guy. The problem is the 7 month guy is now happily married.

 

However, to the situation of the OP, your ex clearly didn't want anything with you any more. When she says she wants to be single it means she doesn't want something with you, but if the right person comes along she will date again. Perhaps after dating others she will return but realistically she won't, and by that time you will have dated others and moved on.

  • Like 2
KatZee Established Member

KatZee

Posted
Posted

After just over 6 months, no she won't be coming back years down the line. There's really no investment here or serious foundation.

 

However, I AM a female dumper who THOUGHT about getting in touch with my dumpee after about 4 years. It never actually happened b/c I didn't really think he'd want to hear from me. It was basically me thinking I should get in touch and apologize but we dated 2 years and the moment was fleeting.

 

Getting in touch wasn't to rekindle or be a friend, but mainly to ease my guilty conscience. So even if people DO come back, it's not for the reasons you may want.

  • Like 2
Thunderchild Established Member

Thunderchild

Posted
Posted

Yes - I had an ex get in contact after many years. We dated for about 3 years until she latched onto a (wealthy) married man that she worked with. She had been seeing him for several months behind my back before she split with me. From what I understand from her friends, she carried on the affair for about a year - hoping he would ditch his wife and kids to be with her - but, he eventually went back to them.

 

She was devastated and drifted from one short-term (rebound) relationship to another over the next 5 years or so, acquiring a child by one of them in the process.

 

About 7 years after the BU, Xmas, Valentine's and Birthday cards appeared - my birthday is Feb 14th, so they appeared in very short order. I binned them; wanting nothing to do with her. I don't tolerate cheats - ever!! Then the letters started appearing about "What a mistake she had made....blah blah...how much SHE was hurting blah blah....how I miss you blah blah" Again, I ignored them, and gradually they became more hostile and abusive. The final straw arrived when she wrote to my late mother; who was seriously ill. That letter, plus several of the ones sent to me, plus myself went to the local police. They contacted her local police who I believe cautioned her.

destroyed4sho Established Member

destroyed4sho

Posted
Posted

They ALWAYS come back....but not in the way you want them to.

 

They come back to vomit on you one last time.

  • Like 6
SharkTooth Established Member

SharkTooth

Posted
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Every single serious ex has come back around in my world, dumper and dumpee. That's 5 since I started dating in the 90's. The one that took the longest was my first real love who I lived with. She was right at 20 years later. She turned out to be a whack job, it was sad. The soonest was like 2 months, my ex wife, who I really tried to work it out but she had slept with another man and I couldn't cope with that.

 

I can tell you this, as the dumpee in some of these relationships, and really really wanting them back, and after contact and meeting, the incredible feelings I held for them were gone. Totally. But a couple I did have fun with for a little while and we remain distant friends. It's strange how one day your world is shredded in to a thousand pieces and the next thing you know, life is great again and there's new opportunities hovering. It's all about patients and living towards the positive side and success. If you live and plan for failure, that's what you'll get

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

Posted
Posted

I'm going to disagree with most posters here. I've had several relationships with people that I have dated for far less than 6.5 months come back. In fact, all of them have in some way, shape or form, some up to a decade later, some from toxic breaks, etc. Only one that hasn't come back is the most recent one, and I'm in the formative stages of talking to her again. I even know a guy who is back with his high school girlfriend -- a woman he dated for only a few months 20 years ago. So the whole "length of time" thing means very little.

 

That being said, all of those situations happened after one has moved on. So it is extremely foolish to wait around for it, because they somehow know not to come back until you have completely turned the page.

Love4Pain Member

Love4Pain

Posted
Posted

First boyfriend, dated for 2 months, broke up with him, he contacted me a few years later but I didn't want to be with him or I had a bf at the time

 

second boyfriend dated for 6months? He broke up with me, contact years later, did not get back with him.

 

Fourth boyfriend dated for 3 years, I broke up with him, contacted me years later, did not ever want to be with him ever again in my life =D,

 

Guy that I never actually dated because he left for the marines a few months after I met him, contacted me while I had a bf a few years later, didn't get with him because I wasn't single.

 

I've had other boyfriends, some have contacted me, some have not, these were from age 16-22? I think they contacted me because they couldn't find anyone better than me or regretted how they treated me during the relationship, but never got back with them.

 

Ex before last was begging for me to take him back I think for a month after I broke up with him, but relationship was not good so I didn't take him back.

 

Current ex, have no idea what will happen months/years from now, he is still with the girl he broke up with me for

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

Posted
Posted

We can't tell you if she will contact you or not. Anythings possible. But please don't wait around forever waiting for her, you might miss out on other great opportunities.

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Ready36 Member

Ready36

Posted
  • Author
Posted
We can't tell you if she will contact you or not. Anythings possible. But please don't wait around forever waiting for her, you might miss out on other great opportunities.

 

Believe me I am not going to, I was just interested really.

 

I suppose, and I could be wrong here because everyone is different, that I just wondered how final no contact tends to be.

 

She was 22, turned 23 about 2 months after we split so she was young - and I think it MIGHT have been a case of right people wrong times possibly. However, she is currently adamant that she made the right decision, that her feelings suddenly changed and she says she doesn't know why (not sure how much of that I believe).

 

What really pisses me off is that I fell for the whole I don't think I'm ever going to want a relationship, only to find out that 4 months later she started dating a guy and after just 3 weeks they are official!

 

We were dating for like 3 months before she agreed we were official (despite being really attracted to me- this I know) and even then it was like a really big step for her.

 

WTF?!?!?!

Jono85 Established Member

Jono85

Posted
Posted
Believe me I am not going to, I was just interested really.

 

I suppose, and I could be wrong here because everyone is different, that I just wondered how final no contact tends to be.

 

She was 22, turned 23 about 2 months after we split so she was young - and I think it MIGHT have been a case of right people wrong times possibly. However, she is currently adamant that she made the right decision, that her feelings suddenly changed and she says she doesn't know why (not sure how much of that I believe).

 

What really pisses me off is that I fell for the whole I don't think I'm ever going to want a relationship, only to find out that 4 months later she started dating a guy and after just 3 weeks they are official!

 

We were dating for like 3 months before she agreed we were official (despite being really attracted to me- this I know) and even then it was like a really big step for her.

 

WTF?!?!?!

 

when girls say they just want to be alone right now, or don't want to date. what they are really saying 100% of the time is they just don't want to date YOU right now. please remember this for the future. i'm not saying fight her on it lol, b/c it shouldn't matter WHY she wants to break up, nor do you have the right to know unfortunately. but just let it go, and don't buy anything they say at the end. they ARE ALWAYS breaking up with you in hopes of finding and dating a different guy.

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