TheGlow Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I have one child and one on the way with my ex bf. He was very mentally abusive in the past where if i didnt constantly give him sex (every other day atleast) he would call me vicious names, ignore me or refuse to help me do anything. I felt like i constantly had to please him to keep him happy with me. I broke it off with him and he took it hard. He threatened to kill himself on several occasions, promised he would do better and was crying every day for months. I had to live with him because i have no family or friends to move in or the funds to move out on my own. After the break up i met a guy at work, we started to hang out alot and he had told a girl i work with he wanted to hook up with me and i told him i was interested in him to. He said he was just looking for friends with benefits and i told him that was fine since i had been sex deprived for the past couple months. The sex with him was amazing emotionally for me. I slowly started to pour my emotions into this guy little by little until i told him i loved him one day. when i told him he said "you love me" there was never a return i love you too. Later on i asked him why and he said he loves slowly and that the last relationship he was in was 5 years long and she had left him for a woman and he was still recovering emotionally. I slowly started to back away from him cause i felt i knew the path it would go down. He doesnt return my texts sometimes for a day. I feel like if you did love and think about someone you would atleast check because thats usually the only way we talk to each other. I told him that i wanted to give my ex another shot and would like to be just friends with no sex like we had agreed to before if one or the other found someone else. He said it was fine and he would still be my friend. My ex took the hope back and he has been amazing, a bit too much amazing. Not asking for sex, doing everything and i mean everything i say, not saying bad words to me and so on. He did sleep with another girl in our break up period but told me he hated it and it felt so wrong it not being me. He wanted to keep her as a friend and invited her over one night while i was at work and he said she tried everything to seduce him including hoping on his lap and biting at his ears. he said he didnt do anything with her and told her if she kept acting like that they couldnt be friends. I kept in semi contact with the guy from work. Ask him how he is doing, helped encourage him when he decided to stop smoking, and hang out on breaks at work when we worked the same nights. I noticed he was starting to drink alot more with his cousin said he was drinking his woes away when i asked him whats up. One day he asked if i wanted to hang out at my house and i said id probably be alseep but he could stop by and try and wake me up he said that he enjoyed spending time with me. I told him what time i was free the day before, messaged him the day after asking if he was going to stop by. then told him i was locking my door and going to sleep and not to come by. He got the message an hour after i fell asleep and said he had turned off his phone the day before because the battery was dieing and he had poor reception where he was at and didnt get my message until then. He left me some milk and chocolate at my doorway. I feel so conflicted because my ex is giving me everything i wanted before and it actaully feels like he loves me but i dont feel like i love him back. I want to stay with him because i cant raise two children on my own and dont want to be a welfare lady my whole life, giving my kids bare minimum. He is security. But i feel deeply attatched to the guy who says he loves me but doesnt love me as much as i love him. I feel like he's an adventurous risk i know in my gut i shouldnt take but i feel like down the road im going to be in the same position i was before with my ex. Please help
Author TheGlow Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 The new guy also puts me up alot. Told me i looked beautiful the way i am. Told me that i make his life sweeter, and that when he's with me its very relaxing just to be around me.
EasyHeart Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 So the choice is between an emotionally abusive ex and a ****-buddy? I say, "None of the above". You can do better than either of these guys. Anyone can do better than either of these guys. 5
AMusing Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 So the choice is between an emotionally abusive ex and a ****-buddy? I say, "None of the above". You can do better than either of these guys. Anyone can do better than either of these guys. Couldn't have said it better myself. ****-buddy never said he loved you because he wasn't even slightly emotionally invested in you (i.e. he was acting exactly as he said he would). Emotionally abusive ex is on his best behavior to win you over. As soon as he does, his true self will come back; that's what they do. Be a good role model to your children. Show them you are a strong independent woman who doesn't need a man so badly she'll accept scraps or abuse. Hold out until you can find a good guy who wants a real relationship with you. 1
Author TheGlow Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) The new guy says he enjoys spending time with me minus sex. He's hung out with me minus sex alot, usually i was the one who started all the sex with him because i find him very attractive. He's very passionate, cuddled alot, huged alot, held my hand, just wont say i love you and i dont think he'll commit for a lonnngg while. I also feel like i connect with him because he likes to wall in emotion. Ive done that alot my life, he's told me its not that he doesnt want a relationship its that he wants to get into it slowly. Doesnt help that all his male friend look to him for support in their bad relationships. He has one whose gf left him and he's heartbroken and the other who is being whipped by his girlfriend. He has no father figure,he takes care of his mother who is handicap and he says he's not even sure how to love. He's more of a rough cookie more then sexual deviant. Maybe im just believing everything he says im not sure because im pretty gullible. He seeeeems like a good guy but im just afraid ill want to much from him that he cant give me in terms of affection/love. I feel like in the end id drive him out with my needyness for it Edited March 18, 2013 by TheGlow
PogoStick Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Why did you get pregnant the 2nd time while in a bad relationship?
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