In a pickle...

[moodysu]

Hi everyone!

 

This is probably going to be quite a long post, but I'd be so appreciative if anyone could offer me some advice. I'm not even entirely sure I know exactly what the problem is! I've just managed to get myself into quite a pickle...

 

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 14 months, and we've been living together for the last 6. He's amazing and definitely the person I can see myself staying with forever.

 

My previous relationship ended really badly - we'd been together for 11 years, and he ended up cheating on me. It all got very messy, and he was never honest about the cheating and never had the courage to end the relationship with me.

 

I've always been insecure at the best of times, but I feel like how my past relationship ended is still colouring how I view things now. I'm not very good with my emotions and can be awfully moody. I know that I can be pretty awful to live with at times, but knowing this doesn't seem to help me to change things in any way.

 

Yesterday I made the stupid mistake of looking at my boyfriends texts. I don't even know why I did it. He'd been out the night for my friend's birthday, but I'd been unable to go. I found a text from her saying where they were, and he replied saying 'ok gorgeous'. She then replied with 'xxx' and nothing else. I know that they were quite drunk, and they do get on very well. I don't know if I'm over reacting in being upset - I feel like I've lost all sense of what is reasonable to be upset about.

 

Inevitably this lead to me behaving in my usual moody way. I know it would be healthy to just tell my boyfriend what's wrong and talk about it, but I just feel so ashamed for looking at his texts. He did tell me that he's feeling exhausted by my moods, and feels like I'm behaving like I don't want to be with him.

 

I'm under a lot of strain at the moment - I'm in my final few months of uni and working stupid hours. I just feel a bit of a mess. I wish I wasn't so emotionally reserved. He always used to say what he liked about me was that I was so 'easy going', but now I'm worried that I'm just actually a bit boring. :

 

I feel like history is going to repeat itself, and if I'm honest with myself I think it's down to the way I am. I have an awful habit of taking my own stresses out on the person that I'm with, and I guess people can only take so much. Sometimes I feel like I'm not designed for relationships :/

 

I don't know that I trust my boyfriend to tell me if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and I feel like I might have picked someone again who would wait for me to finish with them as they wouldn't have the courage to do it themselves.

 

Sorry for the big old moan!!! I'm just not sure what to do - should I get out before things go totally tits up???

[curlygirl40]

Have you ever heard the saying 'what we fear, we create'?

 

You're so afraid that this is going to happen again that you're creating it in your mind, and/or even driving him away so that it will happen again and then you can say 'aha!! I knew it'.

 

You are your own worst enemy. Don't make this guy pay for your ex's mistake.

 

You're probably a bottomless pit to him. In constant need of reassurance. He will never be able to assure you enough, so he's always on edge and you're always moody because you think something is going to happen.

 

Security happens from within.

 

You need to get help and trust this guy and not make him pay for your past. Or you're going to drive him away.

[Apolodor]

Hi everyone!

 

This is probably going to be quite a long post, but I'd be so appreciative if anyone could offer me some advice. I'm not even entirely sure I know exactly what the problem is! I've just managed to get myself into quite a pickle...

 

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 14 months, and we've been living together for the last 6. He's amazing and definitely the person I can see myself staying with forever.

 

My previous relationship ended really badly - we'd been together for 11 years, and he ended up cheating on me. It all got very messy, and he was never honest about the cheating and never had the courage to end the relationship with me.

 

I've always been insecure at the best of times, but I feel like how my past relationship ended is still colouring how I view things now. I'm not very good with my emotions and can be awfully moody. I know that I can be pretty awful to live with at times, but knowing this doesn't seem to help me to change things in any way.

 

Yesterday I made the stupid mistake of looking at my boyfriends texts. I don't even know why I did it. He'd been out the night for my friend's birthday, but I'd been unable to go. I found a text from her saying where they were, and he replied saying 'ok gorgeous'. She then replied with 'xxx' and nothing else. I know that they were quite drunk, and they do get on very well. I don't know if I'm over reacting in being upset - I feel like I've lost all sense of what is reasonable to be upset about.

 

Inevitably this lead to me behaving in my usual moody way. I know it would be healthy to just tell my boyfriend what's wrong and talk about it, but I just feel so ashamed for looking at his texts. He did tell me that he's feeling exhausted by my moods, and feels like I'm behaving like I don't want to be with him.

 

I'm under a lot of strain at the moment - I'm in my final few months of uni and working stupid hours. I just feel a bit of a mess. I wish I wasn't so emotionally reserved. He always used to say what he liked about me was that I was so 'easy going', but now I'm worried that I'm just actually a bit boring. :

 

I feel like history is going to repeat itself, and if I'm honest with myself I think it's down to the way I am. I have an awful habit of taking my own stresses out on the person that I'm with, and I guess people can only take so much. Sometimes I feel like I'm not designed for relationships :/

 

I don't know that I trust my boyfriend to tell me if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, and I feel like I might have picked someone again who would wait for me to finish with them as they wouldn't have the courage to do it themselves.

 

Sorry for the big old moan!!! I'm just not sure what to do - should I get out before things go totally tits up???

 

You are perhaps reading too much into it. From what you described above, the texts exchanged were pretty typical for that kind of scenario. You need to give your currrent boyfriend the benefit of the doubt.