brokenhearted91 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 If your ex (the dumper) treats you badly after the breakup (which is out of character for them, if they're usually loving and nice, I'm not talking about abusive relationships) by, just for example, ignoring you, speaking to you like rubbish, making comments about you doing stufff wrong in the relationship, blaming you, still having a go at you for doing whatever it was to make them end it (and I imagine other ways)... Do you think there is a point in the future, when maybe they mature, get over any anger and have time to even miss you etc when they regret how they treated you? I'm not saying it'll make them come running back or whatever, just that they feel really bad for treating someone they cared about like that. What's your views/experiences in these situations.. I'd be interested to know. I know that in general life, if I treat someone badly I do regret it and usually want to make things right again.
srivers89 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 If anything this makes me think that's who they really are in a sense, you know? People you love and who love will say hurtful things but at the end of the day those hurtful things are how they feel deep down about you. 2
TaraMaiden Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 If your ex (the dumper) treats you badly after the breakup (which is out of character for them, if they're usually loving and nice, I'm not talking about abusive relationships) by, just for example, ignoring you, speaking to you like rubbish, making comments about you doing stufff wrong in the relationship, blaming you, still having a go at you for doing whatever it was to make them end it (and I imagine other ways)... Do you think there is a point in the future, when maybe they mature, get over any anger and have time to even miss you etc when they regret how they treated you? I'm not saying it'll make them come running back or whatever, just that they feel really bad for treating someone they cared about like that. What's your views/experiences in these situations.. I'd be interested to know. I know that in general life, if I treat someone badly I do regret it and usually want to make things right again. There is the finest of hair-lines between 'Love' and 'Hate'. A dumper transforms those feelings from love, to hate, at the drop of a hat. Everything they apparently found cute and endearing about you, now annoys and irritates the crap out of them. In a way, it's a self-protective measure, in another way, they see you in a new light and wonder what they ever saw in you. Either way, it's a sincere expression of how they feel now. If they express it and make it public, they probably do feel guilty, and know they shouldn't be doing it, but they think it will make them feel better.... however, it never does, I'm sure.... This dies down, dissipates and eventually fades into insignificance and they ultimately feel neutral and indifferent to you. If you're on the receiving end of this, the best response is dignified silence. 3
maylis Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 If your ex (the dumper) treats you badly after the breakup (which is out of character for them, if they're usually loving and nice, I'm not talking about abusive relationships) by, just for example, ignoring you, speaking to you like rubbish, making comments about you doing stufff wrong in the relationship, blaming you, still having a go at you for doing whatever it was to make them end it (and I imagine other ways)... Do you think there is a point in the future, when maybe they mature, get over any anger and have time to even miss you etc when they regret how they treated you? I'm not saying it'll make them come running back or whatever, just that they feel really bad for treating someone they cared about like that. What's your views/experiences in these situations.. I'd be interested to know. I know that in general life, if I treat someone badly I do regret it and usually want to make things right again. My ex seems to be going through this sort of regret thing on facebook. We haven't spoke since the break up which was 16 days ago. He is now posting all these sad and depressing sort of songs, which he has not done since I broke up with him the end of May last year. However he still hasn't contacted me..
Thunderchild Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 "There is the finest of hair-lines between 'Love' and 'Hate'. A dumper transforms those feelings from love, to hate, at the drop of a hat. Everything they apparently found cute and endearing about you, now annoys and irritates the crap out of them. In a way, it's a self-protective measure, in another way, they see you in a new light and wonder what they ever saw in you. Either way, it's a sincere expression of how they feel now. If they express it and make it public, they probably do feel guilty, and know they shouldn't be doing it, but they think it will make them feel better.... however, it never does, I'm sure.... This dies down, dissipates and eventually fades into insignificance and they ultimately feel neutral and indifferent to you. If you're on the receiving end of this, the best response is dignified silence." Not sure I agree with you on that one Tara. Self-protective measures tend to mask feelings and there's usually a psychological price to pay for that. It is, in effect, a form of repression which has all the hallmarks of guilt and anxiety attached. There also seems to be an element of projection, which unless you are a complete psychopath does eventually break down with devastating emotional consequences. 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 "There is the finest of hair-lines between 'Love' and 'Hate'. A dumper transforms those feelings from love, to hate, at the drop of a hat. Everything they apparently found cute and endearing about you, now annoys and irritates the crap out of them. In a way, it's a self-protective measure, in another way, they see you in a new light and wonder what they ever saw in you. Either way, it's a sincere expression of how they feel now. If they express it and make it public, they probably do feel guilty, and know they shouldn't be doing it, but they think it will make them feel better.... however, it never does, I'm sure.... This dies down, dissipates and eventually fades into insignificance and they ultimately feel neutral and indifferent to you. If you're on the receiving end of this, the best response is dignified silence." Not sure I agree with you on that one Tara. Self-protective measures tend to mask feelings and there's usually a psychological price to pay for that. It is, in effect, a form of repression which has all the hallmarks of guilt and anxiety attached. There also seems to be an element of projection, which unless you are a complete psychopath does eventually break down with devastating emotional consequences. I don't agree either. people say things in the heat of the moment.... we all do.
Recommended Posts