AverageCat Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 By party a lot I mean party a decent amount. I.e this weekend I couldn't see my gf on the weekend cuz I was at 2 other parties (damn you st. Pattys) and had a ton to study. She had her plans too, but they were defeinitely less wild. She txted me at ~1 am to go grab a drink with another couple on Friday, but I couldn't go since I had too much on my plate. After I declined, she uploaded on facebook an old alone picture that she had taken while on vacation with her bf a year ago. (She knows I get bothered by her ex.. so not sure if trying to make me jealous or actually trying to show him something through facebook...) Is it important for me to handle this? I try to text her a bit more and show her that I care a bit more, especially when I'm out, but sometimes, I just feel like I have social obligations towards my friends too. What I usually do (or try to at least) is when we get together I tell her about the parties and how I met x, y girls who were flirting with me(we're very open about this stuff), and tell her stuff I didn't like about them or how all I could think of was to come and give her a hug, or how even though a girl asked us to sleepover and my buddies all did, I took the bus and came back to town. Any advice on how this way of handling it, sounds? Too over the top, or should I just cut down on the partying all together.
Author AverageCat Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 I don't mind her talking about her ex at all. But I've gotten a bit jealous over him once in the past, so she kind of knows it bothers me a bit. (Back story - he messages her like 2-3 times a week begging her to get back to him, although she doesn't answer) Also I don't mind "not talking" to her about other girls. Most of the times she asks, and even when she doesn't I feel like if I tell her exactly what happens it's better than her going on a random thought about "the mysterious party" We both want to share with each other 100%. I.e. when a guy goes and hits on her she tells me. I do the same.
HitMeNow Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Communication my friend, communication. Ask her what she feels, what bothers her, what makes her happy and why she put a picture with her ex on facebook..... That's a pretty big nono. And be sincere too about what bothers you.
IAmRobot Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I agree. You're asking us what your girl needs and likes. Time to grow a pair and go ask her.
Star Gazer Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 You couldn't see your girlfriend because you had so much partying and studying to do? You turned her down for a drink at 1am because you had so much on your plate? Which is more important to you, partying or spending time with your girlfriend? You had two parties to go to, you could have easily compromised by going to one party, not both, and spending the other time with her. I agree with Oxy: I don't see this R working out with two people who view their spare time priorities so differently. 2
Author AverageCat Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 You couldn't see your girlfriend because you had so much partying and studying to do? You turned her down for a drink at 1am because you had so much on your plate? Which is more important to you, partying or spending time with your girlfriend? You had two parties to go to, you could have easily compromised by going to one party, not both, and spending the other time with her. I agree with Oxy: I don't see this R working out with two people who view their spare time priorities so differently. I gotta agree with you one on this. Funny part is I am so into her. Like if we would plan to be 24/7 together (ok exaggeration), I would. The problem was that we didn't make plans together from the get go. So I was stuck in between what I told my friends I would do... studying which I absolutely had to do... and seeing her on a last minute phone call.... If she had told me a day in advance or so, I would have probably been down for it.... It's the second time it happens this week. Once she invited me to hang out, I said I can't with not much explanation (I had to study) and we were seeing each other the next day anyway... she went and grabbed a drink with a guy friend of hers (I know purely friends), I suspect to make me jealous. Then this happened on Friday. And immediately she went and changed her profile picture as displayed above (again trying to gain attention?) or maybe genuinely missed her ex, since he was more of a doormat than I am. To make it up to her I've been trying to keep up the phone convos almost everyday (i.e sometimes she calls, sometimes I call) and have been texting and asking to reschedule.. I am sorry if I lead a busy life .... ggrrrrr.... I should cut some stuff out of my plate honestly though.
Star Gazer Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 You need to prioritize better, which includes planning to make sure those priorities come together. 1
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) It's all about compromise too. It's not about you living YOUR life and seeing YOUR friends, and going to YOUR parties, and just fitting her in wherever you have some free minutes. This is what my ex was doing to me and believe me, it left no room for the love I had, and TONS of room for resentment. He thought he could go and do whatever the hell he wanted, and that I'd just be his lackey and be available whenever he snapped his fingers. Plan your life accordingly. If you want to keep your girlfriend, include her in your life. Why are you out going to two parties? You couldn't have gone to one, and then gone out with HER friends? Was your girlfriend even invited to the parties you went to? If not, why? She's a part of your life no? I think she put up a pic of her ex to be spiteful and passive aggressive to you. She's not happy, I can tell you that. You both need to communicate. And if you have tons of studying, then prioritize how much you party. Edited March 18, 2013 by KatZee 1
Author AverageCat Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 It's all about compromise too. It's not about you living YOUR life and seeing YOUR friends, and going to YOUR parties, and just fitting her in wherever you have some free minutes. This is what my ex was doing to me and believe me, it left no room for the love I had, and TONS of room for resentment. He thought he could go and do whatever the hell he wanted, and that I'd just be his lackey and be available whenever he snapped his fingers. Plan your life accordingly. If you want to keep your girlfriend, include her in your life. Why are you out going to two parties? You couldn't have gone to one, and then gone out with HER friends? Was your girlfriend even invited to the parties you went to? If not, why? She's a part of your life no? I think she put up a pic of her ex to be spiteful and passive aggressive to you. She's not happy, I can tell you that. You both need to communicate. And if you have tons of studying, then prioritize how much you party. I agree with this so much.... But I just feel like sometimes I am just taking all the initiative. She sleeps over Thursday. We part ways Friday morning. I don't wanna invite her just Friday. Give some time to both to do something else. Saturday she already had plans.... So again, my problem is that she doesn't take the initiative as much. Again if she would have asked for that same drink a lot of hours before, it would have been fine, but to me it seemed like the other way.... She finished her stuff and now needed me when she snapped her fingers..... She tagged me on some picture on facebook today, where we look really cute, but no contact. (we're supposed to hang out). I'm sure she's just playing the waiting game. I'm probably gonna go and surprise her after work : )
pbjbear Posted March 19, 2013 Posted March 19, 2013 I think this is an incompatibility. I wouldnt want to date a guy who does nothing but party in his free time it is a turnoff. Partying too much breeds immaturity in my opinion and I have low tolerance for immaturity now that Im in my mid 20's. It is not all about time but values. In college I was fine with dating frat boys but Im not into it anymore. I know a few girls who want guys who do drink alot, so it all depends.
KatZee Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I agree with this so much.... But I just feel like sometimes I am just taking all the initiative. She sleeps over Thursday. We part ways Friday morning. I don't wanna invite her just Friday. Give some time to both to do something else. Saturday she already had plans.... So again, my problem is that she doesn't take the initiative as much. Again if she would have asked for that same drink a lot of hours before, it would have been fine, but to me it seemed like the other way.... She finished her stuff and now needed me when she snapped her fingers..... She tagged me on some picture on facebook today, where we look really cute, but no contact. (we're supposed to hang out). I'm sure she's just playing the waiting game. I'm probably gonna go and surprise her after work : ) Girls like guys who take the initiative and who make plans and who can guide the relationship. That's perhaps what she is waiting for. What's wrong with inviting her out on "just Friday" ? If she has plans Saturday then you should be seeing each other when you're both free. Take the lead, make your intentions known. Tell her you want to see her, spend more time with her. I'm sure if you start acting like she's important to you, she'll reciprocate in kind.
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