Girl that I've been obsessed over for years finally available, how do I approach her?

[ilovebrunettes]

Don't worry about what she wants, worry about what you want, and that should be to have sex with her, not cajole, console, massage her feet, talk about touchy feely things. She is an adult capable of handling her own stuff. She has GFs and family for souful talk. Get out of the apartment with her pronto. Get out and moving somewhere where you will have the opportunity to have fun while active, even if a walk. If she gives you any indications, leans into you, bumps into you regularly. Stop right then, slide your arm down her waist, pull her in but not roughly and kiss her. Imagine a plane between you, pull her gently to that plane, hesitate for just a sec, look in her eyes directly like you are looking at a juicy steak, then move decisively in and kiss. If she turns cheek, nbd, smile knowingly and just keep doing whatever you two were doing. Look for the next opportunity due to doing active things together, and do it again, no matter in public, private wherever, just please stop sitting around on a couch with this girl.

 

After an active date, go to a cool, trendy type restaurant, share an appetizer and a drink. Always sit at the bar so you can sit next to each other. Be light, flirty and fun, and any attraction this girl has to you will likely grow. Get heavy, apply pressure, get too cerebral, too idealistic, and any attraction she feels will likely fade. These aren't absolutes, but probability. Women are indeed all different, but some things they tend to respond generally well to and poorly to.

 

Don't ever ask to do things, do them. Don't get bogged down in talk about her ex, laying your feelings on the table, don't "talk things over or out" bleh, just show them by doing. That's what they like, that's what works. If she's feeling anything, she will respond. If not, you will have your answer and can move on. Good luck.

 

She's not old enough to go to bars yet, so that rules out your second paragraph, lol. I like your advice but I just don't think it's realistic. I have no money right now and I don't think she's excited to go walk around with me if she's not interested in having a bf.

[ilovebrunettes]

She has to be interested. Sure, she may have just gotten out of a relationship, but she could have been over the guy long ago.

 

Kiss her on the lips and tell her how you feel about her, privately.

 

My ex boyfriend of four years did exactly that and I had just gotten out of a sticky relationship then. We had been friends, just like you and her, and he absolutely adored me. He always told me that he "had to finally tell me how he felt," because "holding it back was killing him inside."

 

I am almost positive she feels the same way about you. Why wouldn't she? You sound like a really nice guy.

 

This sounds amazing and maybe I might do it, but I just don't think I can. I'm a wuss. It took so much guts just to kiss her on the cheek and the fact that she hasn't expressed anything back to me just makes me think she's not interested.

[carhill]

Yeah but I'm going to kick myself even harder if I try to kiss her and she backs up and says, "Woah, I've already told you I don't want a boyfriend."

Response, with smile:

 

"You must remember this

A kiss is just a kiss

A sigh is just a sigh

The fundamental things apply

As time goes by."

 

Queue up the deep gaze into Ingrid Bergman's eyes

[TaraMaiden]

.... the fact that she hasn't expressed anything back to me just makes me think she's not interested.

I think you're right.

 

I told you about the friend-zone, didn't I....?

[ilovebrunettes]

I think you're right.

 

I told you about the friend-zone, didn't I....?

 

Yes. The trouble is I'm not sure where I'm at.

[TaraMaiden]

Whereas... unfortunately.... we are......

 

Unless you grab this one by the horns, you'll always be in the friend-zone.

 

"He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg."

 

Do we call you "Ol' Hopalong", now.....?

[ilovebrunettes]

Whereas... unfortunately.... we are......

 

Unless you grab this one by the horns, you'll always be in the friend-zone.

 

"He who deliberates fully before taking a step will spend his entire life on one leg."

 

Do we call you "Ol' Hopalong", now.....?

 

I don't get why you guys are telling me to forcefully throw myself on this girl. She hasn't shown any interest in me besides "allowing" me to massage her, kiss her on the cheek, etc. She's told me she doesn't want a boyfriend until after college. Why the hell would I go make myself look like an idiot and force myself on this girl by kissing her? Shouldn't I wait for a sign? I'm so confused...

[TaraMaiden]

The thing is - this sign is never going to come.

You are but a friend to her.

if you want to see whether it could possibly go further, then you only option is to take a risk.

 

But if you are a friend - then get used to the fact that you will never be anything more than that.

You are quite literally stroking her feet and her shoulders and her back and her ego.

She ADORES the attention. It's flattering, and makes her feel special. What girl wouldn't?

But if there was more going for you - she would have done something by now by way of laying hints.

 

You love her.

You want more.

 

Get it through your head - clear the confusion.

It's more than not likely that it's a pie-in-the-sky, castles-in-the-air dream.

 

But the best way of confirming that - is to show your hand.

[TouchedByViolet]

I agree with the others who say you should make some more aggressive moves for her... kiss her on the lips!

 

Regardless, I am curious about her specifically. You said she is 18 years old and was in a 2 year relationship with a heroin user.... Now lets take a second and think about this. WOW. She must be attracted to some quality guys... you probably aren't nuts enough for her if that's the type of guy that shows up on her radar.

 

Also, if he is still in the picture be careful. Heroin users can be unpredictable and dangerous. Are you and this girl on the same page about drug use?

[ilovebrunettes]

Well it looks like it doesn't matter anymore, I just texted her and we got in a huge fight. She started being rude to me and I got offended and I asked her why she was allowing me to massage her and kiss her cheek and all that stuff if she didn't like me anything more than a friend, and she said she didn't feel comfortable with it, to which I replied, "Well if you weren't, why didn't you say something?" Obviously she was just using me.

 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh well. Bullet dodged.

[carhill]

What is the lesson learned here?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Yes. The trouble is I'm not sure where I'm at.

 

Do you know the great thing about women?

 

They change their minds frequently.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Well it looks like it doesn't matter anymore, I just texted her and we got in a huge fight. She started being rude to me and I got offended and I asked her why she was allowing me to massage her and kiss her cheek and all that stuff if she didn't like me anything more than a friend, and she said she didn't feel comfortable with it, to which I replied, "Well if you weren't, why didn't you say something?" Obviously she was just using me.

 

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Oh well. Bullet dodged.

 

I don't think she was using you.

 

I think she liked you and you handled it poorly. You put yourself in the friendzone, dude.

[syndactyly]

Wouldn't you rather try than be killing yourself inside over the "what if" possibility?

 

If she doesn't return the favor, then there are over a million other girls who gladly would. You sound like the sweetest guy. Then you just gotta find her.

 

However, I'm betting she would. She is shy just like you said.

 

You can do it

[veggirl]

Dasein is on the money with this.

 

Stop acting like her girlfriend and start acting like a man who is interested in a woman!

 

You need to up the sexual tension asap if there is any hope. Massages? When you are just starting to date someone, a massage is an avenue to get to sex, that's it. No more rubbing her hands and feet unless you are going to turn it a bit more sexual! You can do the sweet "its just a massage" type of massages to girls you are sleeping with!