Lost soulmate because of my big mistake

[Whe]

I met this girl 3 months ago that completly turned my life arround , I was for once happy and did everything right for the first time somebody loved me back like i loved them , i was becoming a better man. It was a distance relationship so i moved to her for two months . Something happend the last weeks of those two months we got distant from each other , I know it was not that i didn't love her my mind was playing trick at me, worried about the distance and worried if i could really do this and so on. So i lost track of what a wonderful person was right in front of me , So i go back home without resolving this and there is that party i drink and drink because i know i could have been so much better to my girlfriend and i knew i wanted to make it up to her so bad , i knew she would give me that change. Something happened i get black out drunk i go home to sleep , some girl that got my number calls me , for some stupid reason i let in on it for a split second and she comes over,. I immediately realise before anything very stupid happens that i have to let her go. But the damage was done, i dont know why my brain reacted so late . I feel ruined , ofcourse i told her i couldnt hide something like this, I didnt sleep with this girl it nearly happend anyway . I feel ashaed , I hate my self , I haven slept or eaten for 2 days now, I dont want to talk to a soul. I'm just completly broken , this morning i did have 1 hour sleep, but when i woke up i just had completly let go, Im so angro to my self that i dont want to talk to anyone i just want to be alone forever in my room. She is obviously very angry to me, shocked and dissapointed and dont want to see me again . But the truth is right now the only person i want to see and be with is her , I didnt realise how big part of my heart she had become .. You can all judge me for what i did i know i deserve it but in my heart i know it wasnt me, Wouldnt even had answeared that phone if i would have been sober or less drunk :/

[Amelie1980]

It doesn't sound as if she is your soul mate all things considered.