grace777 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 So I'm wondering this question - I feel like I am. But I've thought this before, and just like that - BAM - out of the blue something happens, and I realize I'm not. Soooo - how do you know when you are really over them? What happens? How do you think/feel? I value all of your input, so I thought I'd fly the question here.
Author grace777 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 But to follow up - I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about her. I mean, how could I? We were in each other's lives for more than 5 years and dated for 3. How can I vanquish her from my mind patterns? And do I even want that? No. But I don't anxiously think about her anymore. I don't wait for a text, call, fb post, ect. I am happy that she's in a new relationship and found new love. I think I realize that a piece of me will always love her, and I'm good with that, but I really think I'm over her. I no longer predict us together in the future. The future is unknown. And I'm able to look back on the relationship and see such amazingness, and also learn a lot from the way we were together (both good and not so good). So yeah, I'm wondering, and I guess hoping - are these the signs that I am FINALLY over her. What I mean by this is, I hope I am finally at a point where I have let the relationship go...for good. And accepted that it is over.
LostOne1 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 But to follow up - I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about her. I mean, how could I? We were in each other's lives for more than 5 years and dated for 3. How can I vanquish her from my mind patterns? And do I even want that? No. But I don't anxiously think about her anymore. I don't wait for a text, call, fb post, ect. I am happy that she's in a new relationship and found new love. I think I realize that a piece of me will always love her, and I'm good with that, but I really think I'm over her. I no longer predict us together in the future. The future is unknown. And I'm able to look back on the relationship and see such amazingness, and also learn a lot from the way we were together (both good and not so good). So yeah, I'm wondering, and I guess hoping - are these the signs that I am FINALLY over her. What I mean by this is, I hope I am finally at a point where I have let the relationship go...for good. And accepted that it is over. you'll move on.. trust me I have after our 3 yrs relationship and knowing her for 5+ yrs, I just don't care or think of her at all. It's like she doesn't exist and I don't remember much. I think of it as a friend who moved away and who knows if I'll ever see them again. it's the same feeling and I just realize I don't care now. In fact I only remember her if I come back to this website. otherwise I am so busy I don't think of her at all like I used too... 3
cavalier99 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Hmmm. Got me. I've also accepted that it is 100 percent over. I'm not tormented anymore. But still think of her even though it isn't that painful. So who knows when 100 percent indifference comes. I'm guessing months down the line or with a new RS. A new RS would definitely be the knock out blow. If that doesn't happen???? Maybe another 6 month or longer to go from 80% over it to 100%. The thing is i can live just fine the way things are now so i guess i doesn't matter if i become 100 percent indifferent. Cav 4
stevie_23 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Short answer - you’ll know you’re over them when you don’t care enough about the situation / your feelings about it in relation to them, to even ask this question. Longer answer – you will always think of her and you are allowed to do that and still be considered fully “over” her. When you start being excited about someone else, this is a good sign. If there is someone else, if you think about whether you’d prefer to be back with your ex OR take a chance on the new person, and you’d choose the new person? You’re over your ex. When you don’t feel pain or sadness anymore when thinking about the breakup and the fact you’re not with your ex anymore, you’re at least mostly over them. There are many signs…all different for each of us. 5
cavalier99 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 you'll move on.. trust me I have after our 3 yrs relationship and knowing her for 5+ yrs, I just don't care or think of her at all. It's like she doesn't exist and I don't remember much. I think of it as a friend who moved away and who knows if I'll ever see them again. it's the same feeling and I just realize I don't care now. In fact I only remember her if I come back to this website. otherwise I am so busy I don't think of her at all like I used too... Man what a change from you wondering all the time if "she is hurting inside" like you were. Lol Cav
cavalier99 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 When you don’t feel pain or sadness anymore when thinking about the breakup and the fact you’re not with your ex anymore, you’re at least mostly over them. There are many signs…all different for each of us. Grace, I think this is where you are "mostly over it". Me too. I'm just unsure how long mostly over it lasts. Lol Cav 1
Author grace777 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 First of all, I have to say that I love when I posted, I got all the 'old homies' back on the scene - there's a new group now, and I don't know them, so it's good to hear from the people from my age...haha. I guess this page goes through 3-6 month cycles, but good to see that you guys are still around! I do feel that I'm (as Cav says, 80% over her). And when I meet up with the new girl I've been talking to, I hope it's 100%. I do not think of my ex daily. But I'd be lying if I said I never think of her...I do. But I feel okay about the BU and I'm stoked to finally have the real me back in action. I lost myself for a bit there - thank you, everyone on this site who provide feedback, to helping me move the f on! No doubt, it still sucks - and I still feel a loss. So therefore, maybe I'm not over her. But man, I feel so much better than I did when we broke up in Oct. And even since I joined this site in Jan. You guys are all the best - and as weird as it is, I consider you my friends. Now, back to busting balls... 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 First of all, I have to say that I love when I posted, I got all the 'old homies' back on the scene - there's a new group now, and I don't know them, so it's good to hear from the people from my age...haha. I guess this page goes through 3-6 month cycles, but good to see that you guys are still around! I do feel that I'm (as Cav says, 80% over her). And when I meet up with the new girl I've been talking to, I hope it's 100%. I do not think of my ex daily. But I'd be lying if I said I never think of her...I do. But I feel okay about the BU and I'm stoked to finally have the real me back in action. I lost myself for a bit there - thank you, everyone on this site who provide feedback, to helping me move the f on! No doubt, it still sucks - and I still feel a loss. So therefore, maybe I'm not over her. But man, I feel so much better than I did when we broke up in Oct. And even since I joined this site in Jan. You guys are all the best - and as weird as it is, I consider you my friends. Now, back to busting balls... I just wanted to come on here and share the opinion. It's really nice to see people like Cav, gravity,grace (you), etc again. I've talked to many of you and got some incredible advice. It's like in one month, a new breed of people are on here and it's weird lol. Just came out of nowhere! Glad to see some of the "originals" back. I'll answer your question to my knowledge. It's been six months exactly for me. I have hit so many roadblocks and actually, this week has been hell for me for some unknown reason. I've gone back to old habits of thinking about her a lot. I was getting a whole lot better and not thinking as much....so I guess I thought I was over it, but I'm not fully either. I am like you......I think I'm good, and then it comes rushing back. But what I DO know is I'm ready for something. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to get back on the horse known as a relationship. Three months ago, I wasn't even close! So, after six months of a three year relationship, I think I'm getting there. I've come to the conclusion its all about coming to terms and confidence. Once those two come full circle, I think it's finally over. There will always be a place for that person in your mind and heart, but if you know things will be okay without them and come to terms that you are better without them, then you are a made person. I'm getting there.....slow as s***, but its getting there. 2
Author grace777 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Yes, Confused, and I think that's my biggest fear. Like you, I have gone through stages, that I thought would last, but randomly something happens and suddenly I'm slammed back into sad-ville! I hate sadville! And I do not want to visit again...none of us do. But I fully agree - that once we wrap our minds (without kidding ourselves) that it really is OVER, and once we feel confident again, that is when it really is over. Man, I gotta tell you all that I'm in my 30s and I have never been though such a tough time. It has eaten away at the core of who I am. This breakup has made me insecure and afraid for what the future holds. But now, finally, I'm breaking free. Is it horrible, that I'm willing to try again? I know you'll all say 'of course not,' but really, unless I marry the next, isn't it possible that it will hurt like this again? Oh man, I don't even want to imagine. And then I think of the new girl I'm talking to - and I simply do not care. Ahhh love...such a f'd up thing, right! Haha. This website has been such a blessing. I can continue to ramble on and on about my feelings on this site - and with my friends, well, I just feel foolish at this point...I mean it's already been almost 6 months. I know they think it's old history, so I don't talk to them anymore about it. And other than a few short conversations with one or two of my best friends, it's just not brought up. This site is so valuable. Furthermore, I think Tara Maiden may not actually hate me! Haha! SCORE!
LostOne1 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Hmmm. Got me. I've also accepted that it is 100 percent over. I'm not tormented anymore. But still think of her even though it isn't that painful. So who knows when 100 percent indifference comes. I'm guessing months down the line or with a new RS. A new RS would definitely be the knock out blow. If that doesn't happen???? Maybe another 6 month or longer to go from 80% over it to 100%. The thing is i can live just fine the way things are now so i guess i doesn't matter if i become 100 percent indifferent. Cav What really changed it all was seeing this new girl.. By that I mean literally seeing her in my class. I swear everything inside me shut down maybe it was those love at first glance things... though I won't accept it as love. But something always attracts me to her and that moment I realized I could love again or be with someone else. It sucks because I still don't know if this girl wants to even get to know me or not. She's given me very random signs and maybe I've done the same. Maybe this week I will confront her and just ask her straight up about what's going on... Sucks if I don't get to know her better and would suck if she doesn't give me a chance... But at the end of the day I realized it is how it is... and things will get better. You just gotta not care about what people think let alone what an ex thinks!
destroyed4sho Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Your officially over them when a week has gone by and you realize tou havent thought of them all week! Ahh this is the goal, isn't it? I remember in a previous relationship of mine I completely stopped thinking about them when I met someone else and I started thinking about new person instead. This time though I dont want to go that route bc its just a substitution of thought. I want to think about me and be happy as a single person rather than having someone else dominate my thoughts and actions. I want to be free and be a little selfish for once...maybe next relationship will be healthier and bu not so devastating. Idk...just a theory..everyone is different.
destroyed4sho Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Another thought, I think we are over THEM...we just arent over the relationship bc we havent gotten proper closure yet. Like what really happened? When did they stop loving us? How did they change like that? How can I stop this from happening again? Was it my fault?...etc...
Bluerain Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I wish I knew the answer to this, I hope one day I'll just wake up and he wont be the first thing that enters my mind. Dumped after almost 18 years together, so many memories..a massive chunk in my life! Threw me away for some woman he met 3 weeks prior I later learned. He doesn't know I know, I went strict NC...10 months now and so glad I did, my dignity and pride intact...but yeh although I finally reached a better place this past month...still the memories haunt me.
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 You know you're over them when you can look back on the relationship and you don't feel: hate, anger, animosity or any specific jarring emotion. You know you're moving on when you look back, remember the memories and think nothing of it. Something happened to me this morning. I had switched wallets and the new one I was using was one I lost in my room and just found. I got to work this morning and I saw there were papers stuffed into a secret pocket on the inside. I pull it out and it happened to be a photograph of me and my ex, and his business card. The picture was of us on the night we became a couple. I just looked at both for a second, went, "huh. how about that." And just put it back in the pocket of my wallet and have since gone on with my day. In the past my heart would have started pounding, or I would have taken a scissor to cut those things into microscopic pieces. I just don't care anymore. 2
destroyed4sho Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Oh geez...this would be my version of a horror story. I have photobooth pics of me and my ex folded in a secret part of my wallet now. Im too scared to look at.them so i never touch the side of my wallet...lolol
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Oh geez...this would be my version of a horror story. I have photobooth pics of me and my ex folded in a secret part of my wallet now. Im too scared to look at.them so i never touch the side of my wallet...lolol hahahaha. See! that's when you know you're over it. If you can pull em out and look and be fine.
Jono85 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 when you aren't creating threads asking how you know when you're over them but seriously, when you don't feel the need to post about your ex, when you don't feel the need to vent about anything your ex did, when a week goes by and you realize your ex didn't even cross your mind. aka no one on LS breakup forums lol
boblet Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I think it varies for everyone. I read a lot of people saying when you become completely indifferent, but in the case of my ex ex, after a while, I just got exhausted of obsessing and wasting my time over the situation. Then I got into a new RS with my ex and that really pushed me to move forward. However I will say that I did still wonder about him, still checked his FB sometimes, but I didn't feel any pain after a while even when I saw pictures of him and his gf etc., part of me was still upset that I lost a friend mostly. Strange that he is back in the picture now for me as a friend, and it's helping me get over my current ex Life happens! Maybe you will be completely indifferent or you will just accept the situation for what it is and decide that it's unproductive to stay in that place. I never thought I would get over the ex ex, and even my current ex, but I'm beginning to feel like I'm moving on, I think you can kind of feel it.. and hopefully you will move on soon too 2
cavalier99 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 This is a great thread grace . I also love to see everyone who has posted here..some of my favorite LS friends! Rock on! Cav 1
crimsoncurrent Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Interesting information: My therapist said it takes 1/7 of the time the relationship lasted to get over an ex.
cavalier99 Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 Interesting information: My therapist said it takes 1/7 of the time the relationship lasted to get over an ex. Man ..f*ck. I thought i was getting over it but I have 6.1245 months to go. Lol
TheBladeRunner Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 I knew I was over her when I could be completely indifferent when I thought of her and when I realized that it was not her that I really missed, it was my life.
tbf Posted March 20, 2013 Posted March 20, 2013 So I'm wondering this question - I feel like I am. But I've thought this before, and just like that - BAM - out of the blue something happens, and I realize I'm not. Soooo - how do you know when you are really over them? What happens? How do you think/feel? I value all of your input, so I thought I'd fly the question here.The easiest way is to imagine them having hot and heavy sex with someone else. If this image doesn't disturb you, then you're completely over them. 1
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