ali_mulla Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] Hi this is my first time posting here and in all honesty the only reason im doing it ... is cuz i dont really know what to do... Me and my girlfriend.. have been going out for about 4 months.. i know not a long time right, but for some reason, i have already become quite infatuated with her.. and try to do everything to please her, she just a couple of days ago moved away to school.. and i found it really hard to deal with, I know that like i shouldnt be missing her so much but i do, this also causes me to accuse her of not caring as much about me as i do about her, this made her cry, but then she also admitted that it was probably true, but who can technically blame her, seeing as for some reason i have become extremely attached to her in this short period of time. Please, if anyone can help me figure out, how to stop missing my girlfriend so much, and how salvage whatever of this relationship i have left .. please let me know..
NoodlesWIU Posted September 13, 2004 Posted September 13, 2004 It's always hard when someone goes away to school and you are left behind. Honestly i knew this when I was going away to school when I was single. All the girls had bf's back home and I would become friends with them silently waiting because I knew a few months down the road most would split up. I know this sounds like bad news but let me tell you about the girls who stayed with there bf's and why. When you feel left behind most guys try to hang on tighter...this in turn would make the girls feel more closed off especially since all the opportunities she has to see other guys... Switch the tables. Its hard for you because you dont know what shes doing at night and with who...What you dont realize is she doesnt know what YOUR doing while shes at school. If you guys talk alot online while shes at school, dont go online for a week or block her for a bit....she will start to wonder where your at and ultimately miss you because she thinks you might be finding new interests! People hold on alot tighter when they think someone new might be in the picture... It's a game to get her to feel how you do. Self-control is your best ally. its easy for someone to look when they think they other person is sitting at home alone missing them.......but it SUCKS when you think your significant might be finding new interests and then they try and hang on to it, and will do anything to keep you. Trust me. 6 years of college and dating many women....I know! Be hard to get ahold of...Make her wonder! Make her fall in love with you all over again because now she will feel that shes losing you.........not you losing her!
PR Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Yeah, I wish I had figured out NoodleWIE advice. ali_mulla, what you have to realize is that you are torn between wanting to be faithful to this girl (i.e., you are a loyal lover) and wanting her because of your...well, let's be honest, your sex drive. It is a great feeling to have because that is what it means to be living, man! I have been through this myself and have become a more skillful lover because of it. What you need to do is to continue posting here your doubts and concerns--I wish I had some sort of outlet for my doubts when I was going through this. By opening up, you allow yourself, you will realize that what you think is important may not be.
NoodleWIU Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 My next piece of advice to you is to keep busy. Idle hands are the devils workshop that bring doubt, worry, lonliness, and many other troublesome things to a relationship. Go out and do something different. Now is a good time to find out who you are. Have you ever thought about taking dance lessons. You have no idea how much women love a guy who knows how to dance with a special woman. It wreeks of class. Or maybe try something she always had an interest in that you never bothered to take a look into. Maybe she was into horses.....Try going riding or again taking a few lessons. These are just a few ideas it doesnt matter what you do. Just do something thats out of your norm, you never know what things you will end up really enjoying and being able to pass the time easier when your apart. Remember. God has a plan for you. But you have to be willing to open your heart and listen...
ps123 Posted September 26, 2004 Posted September 26, 2004 Something you might want to look at also, is why you became attached to her in such a short period of time. Do you like her for her, or is it more that you want to be in a relationship? Are you comfortable being alone? Dont get me wrong, I know people can and have fallen in love in short periods of time (Ive currently developed some strong feelings for someone Ive been dating for a short time), but for me, theres been times that Ive been infatuated with people very quickly just because I wanted to be in a relationship at the time. Ive done lots of things to deal with that and am now to a point that Im with people because I really like them, not because I just need to be with someone. Im not discounting your feelings and Im not saying you dont like her a lot. I just wanted to throw that out there for you to think about. Good luck.
NoodlesWIU Posted September 27, 2004 Posted September 27, 2004 ps123 is right. I even broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years a month and a half ago, and after a week she found someone new....The pain was real and many nights nearly crying. And I wanted to find someone new...But I had to excercise an extreme amount of self-control. 1.) To tell myself I don't NEED her in my life even though id want her 2.) That just because she gone, doesnt mean I wont find someone better. 3.) That I do need time to grieve and not jump into a relationship. 4.) That going on a date is ok, but dont settle. Self-control when it comes to relationships and lonlieness is tough. But once you practice it, you come out stronger when it comes to your next relationship. God is with you, he always will be, and at low points in your life when you feel most alone, read the story of "footprints in the sand" its amazing how much meaning it will bring to your life. So ask yourself is it that you truly love her.....Or are you like Romeo and Juliet.....Where you were more in love with the IDEA of being in love. Only you can answer this question.
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