What would you say to this rude person?

[TaraMaiden]

Trust me, it affected her.....

Believe it or not, something like that is a kick in the gut.

[blueskyday]

Glad that worked! I agree with the idea of showing confusion and or shock in response to her rude comments. I like a two pronged approach. When someone says something inappropriate, I stop, look them dead in the eye, and ask "meaning?" Make them spell out the underlying aggression. Or I say "what?" And make them repeat it, acting confused. Either way, no one wants to look like a fool by repeating or explaining how they are insulting you. Works like a charm for me! They stop that behavior immediately.

The second part is to be nice to them at other times. Say hi in the break room. Ask them how they are. Show compassion, but set boundaries.

[SpiralOut]

Yep it did affect her. She became flustered and busied herself with work. She was nice to me for the rest of the day. Hopefully I won't have to deal with another comment like that from her for a while.

[SpiralOut]

There is now a different woman who gave me a hard time today. I didn't notice she was working at a desk and I sat down in it while she was away. She told me "I think you need to get new glasses." I asked her why and she pointed at something that she had put on the floor. Apparantly I was supposed to look at the floor and see it and understand what she was doing. But I don't look at the floor when I'm walking around, so her comment about needing new glasses makes no logical sense. She was just being mean. She is someone who hardly pays attention to anything all day, which makes her a hypocrite.

 

Long story short, it didn't help to ask her to explain her insult. She just went right ahead and explained it!! So at that point I rolled my eyes and walked away. Which of course, she didn't notice. She wouldn't have cared either. I'm not sure what to do about that one.

Edited April 24, 2013 by SpiralOut

[Mr Scorpio]

When she starts complaining, point a mirror at her. The only thing that can destroy a succubus is another succubus.

[Eve]

I tend to just ask people if they are having a bad day, that can defuse a situation, but if they are very nasty, I tell them they are being so. Hasn't happened for a long time and usually they are like that with a number of people. I will defend people who are weaker to such things as I know what it is like to not be able to answer back - school days.

 

There are people who instinctively you just don't like and I think some cannot help but say something to express their dislike. Some are nasty with it, some aren't. They are not hard to spot. Usually they have a very harsh internal voice/poor people skills/see specific types of people as insignificant - and that is what you are seeing.

 

I just try hard to not be like them.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[SpiralOut]

I found out today that this woman IS targeting me. I am the one person in our department that she picks apart and complains about the most. Someone told me this. I suspected it but wasn't sure if I was imagining it.

 

She complains about me in front of me as if I'm not there, says rude things, and so on and so forth. I think she always needs at least someone to complain about because before it was me, it was this guy, and before him it was another girl my age. Just today she told someone else that I "screwed up" something. I have been fixing many mistakes (more than usual) of hers that she made this week without saying anything to her. It's annoying.

 

Another coworker is angry about the negative atmosphere caused by this woman and told me she plans to talk to our boss the first chance she gets. This is a relief since I was starting to think I would have to do it myself. It really is unbearable. Apparantly she also sits at her desk muttering obscenities. Thankfully I don't hear that.

[SpiralOut]

It just occurred to me that the only time she says something truly nasty to me is when she is alone with me or if it's just me, her, and her friend in the room. She NEVER speaks to me that way when the younger women are around.

 

Next time she is nasty to me, I will point that out to her and ask her why she does that.

[TaraMaiden]

No, don't.

She is using her friend as back-up, as a strengthener.

If you call her out on it - in front of her friend - they will BOTH turn on you, belittle you, tell you you're imagining it, and get even nastier.

 

You just need to try to make sure you have a voice-activated recorder on you.

I know it's difficult, but disguise it as something else, or try to have someone in the room with you.

If she's victimising you, you need to not be a victim.

 

You need to find a way to ensure she can't get away with this.

Maybe you need to speak to your bosses and air your concerns.

She's being a bully.

 

This needs to stop, and she needs to understand it's unacceptable.

[SpiralOut]

No, don't.

She is using her friend as back-up, as a strengthener.

If you call her out on it - in front of her friend - they will BOTH turn on you, belittle you, tell you you're imagining it, and get even nastier.

 

You just need to try to make sure you have a voice-activated recorder on you.

I know it's difficult, but disguise it as something else, or try to have someone in the room with you.

If she's victimising you, you need to not be a victim.

 

You need to find a way to ensure she can't get away with this.

Maybe you need to speak to your bosses and air your concerns.

She's being a bully.

 

This needs to stop, and she needs to understand it's unacceptable.

 

Wow. Okay, I won't do that then. I do have something I could use as a recorder. I'm not sure what good it will do me since her attacks don't happen often and they always take me by surprise. I guess I could ask her to repeat what she just said after pressing the record button. That's the only way to catch her.

 

I don't think she does this with anyone else, since whenever I repeat stuff she says, people are completely shocked by it. The only reason I tell anyone what she says is so that at least someone is aware that there is a problem. If I take this to my supervisor, I don't want it to seem like it just appeared out of nowhere. Someone else reported her last year for bullying behaviour and everyone was questioned about it. I'm thinking maybe I should report her too. It's not like I'd be the first to do it.

 

This is the second person at work to bully me in this way. The stupid thing is that this woman is over 50 years old. I don't know what the hell she is doing, bullying someone who is half her age. It's pathetic.

 

Oh yeah and I don't know if this counts as bullying behaviour or not, but she keeps trying to make me say that I hate my apartment. She must have asked me AT LEAST 5 times in the past year, aren't I going to hate my apartment now that the company is moving further away from where I live. I keep telling her "no" each time. I don't understand what's wrong with her.

Edited June 9, 2013 by SpiralOut

[TaraMaiden]

If you report her, (And I would suggest that it's a good idea you do) then make it impassioned.

Keep a reference of what she says, and when.

Report this, in a well-written complaint, but don't make it emotional.

Keep it professional.

 

State that you consider it completely unacceptable, and you find it humiliating and utterly unnecessary.

 

If she is reported again, then maybe this time, the situation will escalate and something will finally be done.

 

And you should stress that you do expect your company to do something about it.

[SpiralOut]

Thanks for the tips...

 

now that I think of it, I've seen her say nasty things to another girl except the girl seems totally oblivious to it. She took her hair down one day and this woman said "what are you trying to do, be sexy?"

 

 

I'll let you guys know what happens if anything happens.... I'm not sure if I have enough material to use against her right now. Maybe I'll just wait for one more incident before reporting her. And do you think I could use the questioning about my apartment as an example, or would that just seem silly? Because I really do feel as though she's trying to make me complain about my life.

 

Would is also be considered bullying that she sometimes sits aside with me in the lunchroom and reprimands me as if she is my boss? She explains to me what I'm doing wrong and how it is against the rules (HER rules that she made up) and how I really need to start doing things the right way. She talks to me as if I am a naughty child and she's my mother. It pisses me off so badly that I sit there, staring into space, and act as if I did not hear a single word she said. I don't say a single word to her. I leave the room once she is done. I then proceed to completely ignore everything she said to me. Why? Because she is not the boss and she does not make the rules.

Edited June 9, 2013 by SpiralOut

[SpiralOut]

Today she was in the elevator and I asked her if she was going up. She said no she was going down. So I got in and she was going up. I said to her, "I thought you said you were going down!"

 

She became extremely angry and freaked out at me. "I never said that, SpiralOut!" The tone of her voice was condescending and angry. I told her "umm yes you did" but she ignored me and kept insisting she never said that. She continued to snort at me and say 'I never said that. Why would you think that? I never said that SpiralOut. SpiralOut, I didn't say that. Oh my god SpiralOut. I didn't say that."

 

 

What the HELL is wrong with her? Looking back on it, I think that she may have said "i'm going down" sarcastically. Which I don't know why she would do that. I stood there staring at her with my mouth hanging open when she walked away from me. Unbelievable. Just unbelievable.

 

If that happens again I will have to tell her I don't like the tone of her voice. I cannot work with someone who behaves that way. That is absolutely unacceptable. I should be able to get into a f*cking elevator with someone without them freaking out at me for no reason.

Edited August 15, 2013 by SpiralOut

[iKING]

You sir, are very rude.

[SpiralOut]

I stood up to her today. My hands are still shaking.

 

She has a task that is her responsibility. I have nothing whatosoever to do with it. I am not required to help her. Throughout the day, certain items pile up in a basket at my desk and it's her job near the end of the day to pick them up and do them. I have my own task that I do, which I do not require anyone's help. She does nothing to help me, which is fine.

 

Today she forgot to come over and take them from my desk. She found them at the end of the day when we were almost ready to leave and she became angry. I forget what she said exactly, but basically she blamed me for the fact that she had not done them. She told me it is my job to bring them over to her because so and so always brings them over to her therefore I should too.

 

 

Me:"why didn't you ask me if I had any?"

Her: you're supposed to bring them over to me.

Me: "It is your responsibility to make sure they are done."

Her. Excuse me??

Me. You heard me.

Her: well you aren't shy are you?

Me That's right. I'm sure not.

Her: Yeah you sure aren't!

Me. *says nothing and keeps working*

 

She then said a bunch of other stuff, to which I responded

 

"If you ask me if I have any and I do, I would be happy to bring them over to you. But you don't need to get angry at me just because I forgot to do it on my own."

 

I kinda wish that I'd told her that I don't even NEED to bring them over to her, it is just a courtesy which I don't need to extend because of how rude she is to me. But oh well I got my point across for the most part.

 

Our other coworker came from the other room and asked what happened. The woman angrily said "apparently it is my responsibility!"

 

Nobody said anything to that

 

Yes go me go!! I didn't feel the least bit sorry for saying it. It felt good!!!

[whichwayisup]

Next time, tell her to go talk to your boss and that you're too busy to deal with her drama.

 

Good for you for standing up to her. Even though everybody knows what she is all about, for some reason she has a very high opinion of herself (whether or not she's totally insecure or truly believe she is "it" and her sh.t doesn't stink) she's a bully, so good that you stood your ground!

[SpiralOut]

Next time, tell her to go talk to your boss and that you're too busy to deal with her drama.

 

Good for you for standing up to her. Even though everybody knows what she is all about, for some reason she has a very high opinion of herself (whether or not she's totally insecure or truly believe she is "it" and her sh.t doesn't stink) she's a bully, so good that you stood your ground!

 

Damn straight she acts like she has a high opinion of herself.... practically expecting me to be her personal servant. I know why she does that. She is the type of person who neglects herself in order to meet the demands of someone else. So she expects other people to do the same thing for her. When they don't, she gets angry and thinks they are being rude and don't care. Her self-esteem is extremely low. I don't think she treats herself very well.

 

I'm not sure why she chooses me to take out the brunt of her anger. Oh well. I have no issue telling her I don't wish to deal with her drama. I have been feeling stronger than usual this week.

Edited October 5, 2013 by SpiralOut

[todreaminblue]

Damn straight she acts like she has a high opinion of herself.... practically expecting me to be her personal servant. I know why she does that. She is the type of person who neglects herself in order to meet the demands of someone else. So she expects other people to do the same thing for her. When they don't, she gets angry and thinks they are being rude and don't care. Her self-esteem is extremely low. I don't think she treats herself very well.

 

I'm not sure why she chooses me to take out the brunt of her anger. Oh well. I have no issue telling her I don't wish to deal with her drama. I have been feeling stronger than usual this week.

 

 

I am curious how did you get the impression she meets the demands of others and neglects herself?....deb

[SpiralOut]

I am curious how did you get the impression she meets the demands of others and neglects herself?....deb

 

She will sometimes refuse to take her entire lunch break when we are extra busy at work. She will do this in order to help meet the extra demands of the day. People will tell her not to do that, but she does it anyway. Or she will come in extra early and start working before she has even punched in yet, so she's not getting paid for it.

 

Also other little comments. She mentioned how she set something up at her apartment, in a way that's not convenient for her. Instead of just buying an extension cord to make things more convenient for herself, she doesn't. When someone asked her why doesn't she, she made up an excuse for why not. And for the longest time she wore bad shoes. She didn't buy new ones until someone convinced her that she deserves to do that for herself. It wasn't about money, it was just something she didn't want to do. She does things like that.

Edited October 5, 2013 by SpiralOut

[todreaminblue]

hmmmm....so she does little things to make others lives easier but not her own huh? that's not such a bad thing......being self less there also could be a possibility she likes you .....and is mean to you for that reason.....you said that others were shocked by what she said to you so others do not bear her anger so that comment you made about meeting the demands of others ...doesnt really gel...i am like that ...

 

 

 

i help other people ...wouldnt call it meeting demands because if they demand...i tell them to rack off.....sigh ...then i do it anyway..if they say sorry......lol....i think if she were truly meeting demands of others it gets to a point where you implode and shraPNEL goes every where..not just at one person but all people around the vicinity of the explosion.....that is why i lock myself up occasionally ....and growl at people who try to enter my room....not just one but any person i have no targets everyone is a target on my radar...and they all sympathise with each other and place bets on how long before i apologise............people are smart enough not to "demand" anything then apparently i am scary like a panda gone wild scary.....you want to laugh but too scared to laugh, kind of scary...thats what happens when i burn out from helping and getting involved too much in the outcome of situations i cant really control....i am a control freak......i like to fix things and i dont give up....

 

 

 

so i dont think your colleague has this on demand problem......maybe the love bug bit her butt and its cupid who shot the arrow while she was looking atcha....you never know do you? people are strange creatures...i feel this has a personal tinge to it whatever it is....by what you said about others being in shock from what she said to you...maybe she is mad that she likes you .....that makes sense now doesnt it?...keep your chin up ....best wishes.......deb

Edited October 7, 2013 by todreaminblue

[SpiralOut]

Yes it most certainly has a personal tinge to it. Last week she randomly gave me advice that I did not ask for in an effort to help me save money. My finances are none of her business. I don't even talk about them. The advice she gave me did not even make any sense. She doesn't know anything about my situation.

 

And she always uses that tone of voice . . . you know the one people get when they are confused about why can't you see things their way? why are you doing what you are doing, instead of following my advice?? don't you see that I know what is best for you??

 

It annoys me. I think for whatever reason, she wants me to act a certain way, be a certain way, and when I don't she gets angry and doesn't understand why and throws insults at me or gives advice that is inappropriate. I think she needs to look at herself and deal with her own situation.

Edited November 24, 2013 by SpiralOut

[BlametheIrish]

Maybe in her mind you're a surrogate for some child of hers who.never lived up to her standard s and cut her out of their life because,of her abrasive ways.

 

Okay Im grasping at straws but I could be on to something

 

If someone at work was getting on me like that Id look them.straight in the eye and say " I'm not interested in your drama today so and so." Then lower my eyes and shake my head while going back to work.

 

And with the chick who's seat you took something like " No need to.get belligerent over a desk, thats a bit juvenile dont you think?

 

All these are toned down versions of what goes on in my mind.

 

I worked in a female dominated enviornment as a pet groomer for 5 years. Ut was literally all women 18 women in a very busy salon. I'm the type of perspn who gets joy from helping other people, which made some people think that they could run all over me. Imagine their suprise when they found out that helpful doesnt always equal.doormat. I love helping people but Im never one to.be taken advantage of. Once these women realized this, they accepted it and stopped trying to manipulate me. I ended ip being a buffer between them and tbe weaker women for most of the time I worked there. It was pretty harmonious, up until I left.

 

So I suggest letting her know you have a spine in whichever way you choose. It might not stop her from giving you **** behind your back, but I.bet it will stop her from trying to stir the pot face to face. My results were quite fast as I put my foot down soon after I started working there. It might take a little bit for her to.see that the change in you is permanent and you refuse to take her **** anymore, but when she does Im sure she'll go find someone ekse to pick on.

[SpiralOut]

I am updating this because she is off my back now.

 

 

About 1-2 months ago I confronted her. She made a rude comment about me right in front of me. I snapped at her. She told me not to talk to her that way. I told her something along the lines of "I don't know if you realize this but the way that you talk to me most of the time isn't very nice. The tone of voice that you use isn't very nice. I don't like it. When you talk to people that way it makes them feel defensive and that's why they snap at you. And it's not just me who feels that way, lots of other people do. You're not nice to me."

 

 

I then left the room. During the confrontation she tried arguing with me that she's not rude. I didn't take any of it. I told her that she most certainly is. I could hear her complaining to her friend (who heard the whole thing and said nothing) about how she doesn't do that.

 

 

She didn't apologize, but she did act nicer after that. That lasted for maybe a month. Then last month she acted rude again. I looked her right in the eye and said "you don't need to give me such a hard time about it. I found what I was looking for and then I told you thank you." I said this in my go-****-yourself voice.

 

 

She muttered "jesus Christ" under her breath and turned away. After that, she hasn't given me **** (yet). She says hello in the morning and goodbye at night and asks work related questions. That's it.

 

 

If she acts up again I will have no problem telling her to F off. I held back before because I knew she was obviously unhappy and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. Well, I don't care anymore. If your feelings get hurt by me telling you to F off, then don't be a bitch to me in the first place.

Edited April 9, 2015 by SpiralOut

[todreaminblue]

some people are grumpy....i normally when i know a person if i fidn their comments off putting or sometimes rude....i remember i am not perfect i smile and continue the conversation onto a more neutral area or topic...or redirect...if i am not comfortable.... as if nothing rude was said is often a ploy i will take.......because i choose not to take it in a way that gets to me......if they really offend me...i say that hurt a bit, did you mean to hurt me.....and i can tell you...when people have offended me...it is hardly ever meant to be hurtful..........i am quite sensitive...so i also take that into consideration..i also try not to dwell on someone elses bad behaviors that i have no control over....i only control how i react....and i have to say...most of the time...i do a good job in restraint.....being called a fat whore though...nah.....i lose restraint....those are the types of comments most likely to make me retaliate.......deb

[preraph]

Just stop answering her and treat her comments as rhetorical. She's just a smartass busybody. If she doesn't get a reaction out of you, she might quit -- or not. If she gets really verbally abusive, tell your manager.