mortensorchid Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Recently two friends got married (after they had had their son about a year ago) last week. Someone made a comment on Facebook when they updated their status saying congratulations. She said "you (the man in question) said when you first met her you said she was too good for you, I'm glad that you realized your worth." Do you know how many times I have had people from the past tell me this? They have actually said to me "you were too good for me". I was surprised and rather depressed to hear this. Do guys really have such a low opinion of themselves that they go for trashy women instead of good ones? Is that really why? So all those times that guys have told every woman that they don't want to be with them, is THAT the real reason why? What a sad commentary. What do others think?
MrCastle Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think, I've never met a woman whom I deemed "too good" for me. 3
Green Light Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Recently two friends got married (after they had had their son about a year ago) last week. Someone made a comment on Facebook when they updated their status saying congratulations. She said "you (the man in question) said when you first met her you said she was too good for you, I'm glad that you realized your worth." Do you know how many times I have had people from the past tell me this? They have actually said to me "you were too good for me". I was surprised and rather depressed to hear this. Do guys really have such a low opinion of themselves that they go for trashy women instead of good ones? Is that really why? So all those times that guys have told every woman that they don't want to be with them, is THAT the real reason why? What a sad commentary. What do others think? We live in a society that has spent the last 40 years building women up while tearing men down, so yes, I think there are many men walking around out there with very low opinions of themselves. Couple this with the fact that masculinity is so very narrowly defined these days and you have an epidemic of males with low self esteem, drinking problems, sex addicts, drug addicts and so on.
Krieger Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 We live in a society that has spent the last 40 years building women up while tearing men down, so yes, I think there are many men walking around out there with very low opinions of themselves. Couple this with the fact that masculinity is so very narrowly defined these days and you have an epidemic of males with low self esteem, drinking problems, sex addicts, drug addicts and so on. quoted for the truth sad by true
TouchedByViolet Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I have never heard a guy say a women was too good for him. I have heard a few women say a guy was too good for them though. I have no idea how to process such a thought because it would never cross my mind and doesn't make sense.
Object_a Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Maybe they just feel really lucky to have you and are trying to be sweet? They could probably choose their words more carefully but it doesn't necessarily mean they literally have no self-confidence and think they don't deserve you.
fortyninethousand322 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think, I've never met a woman whom I deemed "too good" for me. I'm the complete opposite. It's the differences that make this country great.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Recently two friends got married (after they had had their son about a year ago) last week. Someone made a comment on Facebook when they updated their status saying congratulations. She said "you (the man in question) said when you first met her you said she was too good for you, I'm glad that you realized your worth." Do you know how many times I have had people from the past tell me this? They have actually said to me "you were too good for me". I was surprised and rather depressed to hear this. Do guys really have such a low opinion of themselves that they go for trashy women instead of good ones? Is that really why? So all those times that guys have told every woman that they don't want to be with them, is THAT the real reason why? What a sad commentary. What do others think? I used to believe this, but it changed as I became more experienced with women and life. I don't believe that anyone is too good for me now.
RachR Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) I don't know about your all's assessments, I think a lot of times men say that when they know a woman is letting him use her like a doormat. Edit* Women too. Or, on the flip side, just a way to let him or her know they are being really nice to them. Could go either way, depends on the relationship. Edited March 18, 2013 by RachR
soccerrprp Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Personally never think anyone is TOO good for me. I know what I have to offer and confident about who I am. This talk about society putting men down seems peculiar to me. If true, I must be in denial or simply ignoring the effects. Anyway, people who say such things are insecure, imho or showing signs of waning interest. I've seen it work both ways. Some people find that a person is TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE and begin to doubt or question their own ability to maintain that relationship for whatever reason. And then there are those who will say this as a way to further distance themselves either consciously or subconsciously so as to wean themselves away from the relationship. 2
crude Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 We live in a society that has spent the last 40 years building women up while tearing men down, so yes, I think there are many men walking around out there with very low opinions of themselves. Couple this with the fact that masculinity is so very narrowly defined these days and you have an epidemic of males with low self esteem, drinking problems, sex addicts, drug addicts and so on. That's the Rush Limbaugh version of the truth. IMO, women have always been put on a pedestal as a prize to be courted and fought over, the ultimate prize for a lucky man. No one seems to look at women objectively and take them down a notch. A man can be smarter, better looking, more successful, and even smell better than a woman, but still he has to pursue the goddess and dream of getting lucky. He's infinitely better than her, yet is made to feel he has to prove himself worthy of someone who in reality isn't worthy of him.
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think this is one of the reasons my ex started treating me like a pile of s.hit, TBH. I had my career going. I was paying off all my bills and saving money to get a new apartment. I was done with school and had a Master's degree. I knew where my path was going. I had no debt. He on the other hand was a lost person. Thousands of dollars of debt. Family pressure. Living with parents. Can't even get approved for a credit card his credit line is so trashed. He can't support himself. Couldn't even afford a lease for a car. He was finishing up school and had no clue where his career was going and didn't necessarily enjoy what he did. I wound up paying my bills, was approved for my very first apartment in NYC. I'm fully capable of supporting myself entirely. I think I essentially emasculated him. What did I need him for? Nothing. If we went out, I paid my way. It's sad but insecure guys really can't handle this. They will feel resentful rather than proud of the woman they're with. They'll feel like crap b/c they can't provide. My ex started trashing me. The way I lived was a problem. The way I acted was a problem. He couldn't have a girlfriend who acted like me. He basically became completely emotionally abusive and made me feel like a pile of s.hit. At the end of our relationship I had zero confidence. I was insecure, always walking on egg shells around him. He brought me down to his level. He didn't feel great so he had to ruin me. And he did.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Recently two friends got married (after they had had their son about a year ago) last week. Someone made a comment on Facebook when they updated their status saying congratulations. She said "you (the man in question) said when you first met her you said she was too good for you, I'm glad that you realized your worth." Do you know how many times I have had people from the past tell me this? They have actually said to me "you were too good for me". I was surprised and rather depressed to hear this. Do guys really have such a low opinion of themselves that they go for trashy women instead of good ones? Is that really why? So all those times that guys have told every woman that they don't want to be with them, is THAT the real reason why? What a sad commentary. What do others think? I've never felt that a women is too good for me. Now confidence is an other story for me. I've always had a low self confidence.
ltjg45 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I would like to think I have seen a lot of women that is too good for me but I ended up seeing too many women that is living a life I'm glad I'm not living. So I hasn't seen enough women that I'm not good enough for. Which is depressing in a different form.
Geiss Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think this is one of the reasons my ex started treating me like a pile of s.hit, TBH. I had my career going. I was paying off all my bills and saving money to get a new apartment. I was done with school and had a Master's degree. I knew where my path was going. I had no debt. He on the other hand was a lost person. Thousands of dollars of debt. Family pressure. Living with parents. Can't even get approved for a credit card his credit line is so trashed. He can't support himself. Couldn't even afford a lease for a car. He was finishing up school and had no clue where his career was going and didn't necessarily enjoy what he did. I wound up paying my bills, was approved for my very first apartment in NYC. I'm fully capable of supporting myself entirely. I think I essentially emasculated him. What did I need him for? Nothing. If we went out, I paid my way. It's sad but insecure guys really can't handle this. They will feel resentful rather than proud of the woman they're with. They'll feel like crap b/c they can't provide. My ex started trashing me. The way I lived was a problem. The way I acted was a problem. He couldn't have a girlfriend who acted like me. He basically became completely emotionally abusive and made me feel like a pile of s.hit. At the end of our relationship I had zero confidence. I was insecure, always walking on egg shells around him. He brought me down to his level. He didn't feel great so he had to ruin me. And he did. The problem is that is it emasculating. You were basically the man in the relationship and guys do not like that. I wouldn't like it either. That's why a lot of guys date down and women date up. Female breadwinners are bad news. They become resentful and more prone to cheating and divorce. Sure there are some guys out there that lie to themselves and say that it won't bother them but deep down inside it will. Most women these days think very highly of themselves meanwhile men are constantly beaten down. So it's no surprise when men think women are too good for them.
Green Light Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 That's the Rush Limbaugh version of the truth. IMO, women have always been put on a pedestal as a prize to be courted and fought over, the ultimate prize for a lucky man. No one seems to look at women objectively and take them down a notch. A man can be smarter, better looking, more successful, and even smell better than a woman, but still he has to pursue the goddess and dream of getting lucky. He's infinitely better than her, yet is made to feel he has to prove himself worthy of someone who in reality isn't worthy of him. I've never listened to Rush Limbaugh ever so I can't speak for that. What I do know is what I observe and experience and there is no doubt in my mind that we are living in a society that is tailored to the feminine. The media, the workplace, the court system, education, health care, even church and religion have all gone out of their way to assure that they are "female friendly." Men have gotten lost along the way. Even this very site produced a good example this morning. A man on another thread made a crude joke, a woman complained and the joke and all references to the joke were pulled. Some other men had responded that they thought the joke was funny. It's LS's playground so I'm not questioning their decision, and the joke was offensive, but as a guy, I don't mind offensive even if it's a joke about men. I've had women online make all kinds of crude jokes about me. I just come up with a comeback and move on. Last night I had a guy tell me to "go *** myself" on here. I didn't care. This is how men talk. But the internet is geared now toward not making women feel "uncomfortable." At least that's how I see it. I think a lot of society is now built around that idea. "Comfort" is the code of the road now but men start to lose part of themselves when they are too comfortable. Men are supposed to have some "bite" to them. That's what makes them men. I'm not talking about being abusive but we aren't supposed to always play "nice" and when we are forced to do so we lose some of our "energy." Thus, back to the OP's premise. I do believe that many men are walking "husks" out there now. And I'm including even professional and educated men. It's hard to know who you are now as a male in this society.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Women are built up? What???? What about being bombarded with images of thin models and celebrities and being constantly pressured to be beautiful, thin and young. There is nowhere this type of pressure on men. And "She is too good for me so I will dump her" thought no man ever. They may tell you that to soften the blow of a break up but they don't mean it.
Green Light Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Women are built up? What???? What about being bombarded with images of thin models and celebrities and being constantly pressured to be beautiful, thin and young. There is nowhere this type of pressure on men. I think that women put each other under pressure to be thin and model-like. Not saying that men don't as well but I've discovered how very competitive women are with each other. And then there is the fact that many women actually enjoy looking at celebrity magazines and TV shows. I think this is the reason that this area has not been touched by feminism.
serial muse Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) I think it's a line, akin to "it's not you, it's me". My exH said the "you were too good for me" to me once, as we were in the process of divorcing due to his infidelity. I didn't buy that faux humility for a second - it was just a self-serving effort to try to find his footing again as a "good guy". He didn't mean it; what he really meant was "I hope you don't hate me because I can't tolerate people thinking bad things about me." In other cases, I would guess, it's just a way of trying to be overly nice while really saying something painful - "we weren't a good match and I knew it before you did". Seems fakey-fake to me. Edited March 18, 2013 by serial muse 2
GoodOnPaper Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think it's a line, akin to "it's not you, it's me". But I INVENTED "it's-not-you-it's-me"!
TheBigQuestion Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I think that women put each other under pressure to be thin and model-like. Not saying that men don't as well but I've discovered how very competitive women are with each other. And then there is the fact that many women actually enjoy looking at celebrity magazines and TV shows. I think this is the reason that this area has not been touched by feminism. Wrong. The pathological obsession that many women have with their appearances is entirely the fault of evil, misogynistic men. Didn't you get the memo? /sarcasm
iris219 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I've said it before on here: when someone says, "You're too good for me" it usually means "You really like me and treat me well while I don't feel the same way about you. I don't care enough to treat you the way you want to be treated." 2
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