Laylee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now, and it's news to me to find out that he prefers curvier/larger women. I have nothing against any body types and find them all beautiful, but I personally enjoy keeping in shape and having a body that reflects my lifestyle. When we started dating I was 110 pounds at 5'3. I was skinny, but wasn't very toned. I am currently 130 pounds, but exactly the same size due to weight lifting and frequently using the gym. When I first started going to the gym he began to become insecure thinking that I would leave him for someone else, because I was getting 'more fit' and looking and feeling better. He also was displeased that I had lost my 'jiggle'. Yesterday we were having a conversation about body types when he let it slip that he prefers woman to have more "meat on them". It turns out that he would not mind, if I had more meat. There was a picture of women body types, and he pointed out that I was the smaller one, while stating that while he finds multiple types attractive (skinny, chubby, average), his preference was the one with more weight (average to chubby). His ex girlfriend was overweight and he had no problem with her size and loved it. I am still at the gym aiming to get to my goals. I fear that once I hit my goal he will not be as attracted to me. When I mention going to the gym or losing weight he tells me he likes me the way I am now and doesn't want me to lose weight/inches. He also tends to watch what I eat and makes it hard to eat according to my routine when I'm with him. He will point out when I eat too little. My boyfriend expects me to eat as much as he does, but he is 6'5. I don't know how to respond and I feel discouraged. My previous ex's also found women who were curvier more appealing. My most recent ex started dating someone who is three times my size. Where am I going wrong? Is this the norm? 1
TheGuard13 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Be who you want to be, and be with someone who likes you for who you are. Doesn't really seem like this guy is that person. He seems mildly controlling.
Author Laylee Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 I just don't comprehend. When he started dating me I was small. I assumed it was something to do with insecurity, seeing as he got more and more insecure as I got fitter. Perhaps because I was in-shape while he wasn't. It's very discouraging to work hard for your body, and instead of it being appreciated, he'd rather you gain.
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Everyone is entitled to have their own personal preferences when it comes to dating. So if he likes larger women, that's what he finds more attractive. That doesn't mean you need to compromise who you want to be and what you want your body to look like for him. He should be supportive of your weight goals if he truly loves you. It's not right that he makes statements like that on such a frequent basis. Maybe he doesn't get how hurtful he's being with his statements. You should tell him.
Author Laylee Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 It's not frequent, it is literally news to me. I had NO idea that this was his preference. I always assumed that he was just happy with my current weight, not that he'd prefer I stayed the same or got a bit larger. Let me give example. From the body chart his favourite body shape was like this (Plus a tad larger, I can't find a photo) : http://i1301.photobucket.com/albums/ag101/Rinylee/average_zps85d530b4.png Now by no means are these overweight, but still much larger than I. He also does like more chubby bodies but I cannot find an example. My body is like this (closest example): http://i1301.photobucket.com/albums/ag101/Rinylee/body_zps68bea5c9.png
mesmerized Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Is this a joke? I don't believe there are any men who prefer the girls in first pics to the second one...The second picture is also very curvy, not thin and athletic...Me thinks something smells fishy about this thread 2
xxoo Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Oh well? What matters is how he feels about you. Does he like your body? Is he attracted to you? Is he satisfied, or pining for something else? Ask him.
40 Fonzarelli Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 He probably viewed you as a fixer-upper. But instead of scheming to make you lose weight, he planned the opposite. He was probably surprised since most couples tend to stop trying and get lazy once they're in a relationship. Hence, most men always assume a girl will gain weight over the course of a relationship, especially if she has any kid. Maybe that's why he chose a smaller girl as a "safety margin".
Author Laylee Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Is this a joke? I don't believe there are any men who prefer the girls in first pics to the second one...The second picture is also very curvy, not thin and athletic...Me thinks something smells fishy about this thread I have natural curves its how my body is shaped. I didn't want to write 'overweight / chubby' as the title, so I simply put curvy. Also there seems to be, because every man, after I've left them dated woman far more heavy than I was.. This thread is very much real. Perhaps my boyfriend will feel differently when he actually sees my body at my goal.
dj572 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 It sounds like it coud be insecurity. He might be afraid you will leave him for somebody else. It happens in fact it happened to me. My wife was a bigger woman but she was never happy with her size no matter what I said. She decided to have gastric bypass to lose weight. I supported her even though I was scared she would leave me. After she lost her weight that is exactly what she did. This might sound crazy but fit women are attractive but I find them intimidating. I know it's my own insecurities but I am also very realistic as well. Why would a fit woman be attracted to me? They wouldn't and I know it but it's ok I accept my place in life. You do whatever makes you feel better about yourself and if your boyfriend can't support you then you will have to find someone that will. 1
Author Laylee Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 It sounds like it coud be insecurity. He might be afraid you will leave him for somebody else. It happens in fact it happened to me. My wife was a bigger woman but she was never happy with her size no matter what I said. She decided to have gastric bypass to lose weight. I supported her even though I was scared she would leave me. After she lost her weight that is exactly what she did. This might sound crazy but fit women are attractive but I find them intimidating. I know it's my own insecurities but I am also very realistic as well. Why would a fit woman be attracted to me? They wouldn't and I know it but it's ok I accept my place in life. You do whatever makes you feel better about yourself and if your boyfriend can't support you then you will have to find someone that will. I'm sorry to hear that about your wife, that is truly awful Also, weight is only weight, we are still the same people under it all. You shouldn't feel like you can't go after those who are fit! I had thought this for awhile too, because as I got more fit he addressed insecurities. I also changed in attitude, I was more upbeat with more energy, was able to wear more appealing clothing, etc. I have never cheated on him or done anything to make him feel insecure however. I'm unsure if he truly would rather me bigger, or feels I'll stay longer and have a lower option pool if I were to gain weight. When we first met and I was skinny, he was still all over me. I'm starting to think that he's telling me that he likes larger to prevent me from being more fit..
kaylan Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I love girls who lift and get toned. Sounds to me like your bf cant handle an athletic women and is intimidated by it. Dont change who you are for him. Tone is more healthy and more attractive than jiggle to most men. If he has an issue, let him get over it or find a new man.
MrCastle Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I love girls who lift and get toned. Sounds to me like your bf cant handle an athletic women and is intimidated by it. Dont change who you are for him. Tone is more healthy and more attractive than jiggle to most men. If he has an issue, let him get over it or find a new man. Depends where the jiggle is and where the tone is.
kaylan Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Plus, if hes out of shape himself, its no wonder why he loved the overweight girlfriend. She didnt make him insecure like you most likely do. I say get your fitness, your health, and your sexiness, and find a man who works out and hits the gym or does something else thats active. Its hard to be a person whos active and date someone who isnt. Insecurity usually rears its ugly head.
charlietheginger Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I like curves. My thing is a nice smile and eyes. I don't care if my women in 100lbs 200lbs or 300lbs When you love someone you want her to be happy. 1
TheGuard13 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I dunno, once you've bruised your various body parts on an atheletic woman, the jiggle starts to look pretty good.
kaylan Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Depends where the jiggle is and where the tone is. I like tone all over personally. Its not like muscle doesnt jiggle some when its not flexed.
MrCastle Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I like tone all over personally. Its not like muscle doesnt jiggle some when its not flexed. I don't know. There's also different levels of "toned". Like, neither sex likes flabby arms. But you can do enough so that your arms are firm, without much definition. I've seen some chicks post pics of themselves in the gym flexing their arms and it's more defined than my arms. Not a good look. Same goes with stomach. Both sexes like a flat stomach, but not too many men are looking for chicks that have muscular definition on their stomach.
chex Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 But remember, your best curve is your smile. No matter your weight.
kaylan Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 PS - overweight doesnt equal "curvy". Girls can be curvy at any size. Its usually down to bone structure and how your body distributes fat. Youre just not a curvy girl at your healthy bodyweight. Some girls are thinner and curvy, while some girls are thin with not so much curve. You putting on body fat in order to look curvy for him would be dumb. Stop dating insecure dudes who cant handle a good looking woman whos fit. Hes basically telling you all about what hes supposedly attracted to because your fitness threatens him. Trust me, he wont stop finding you attractive. He is just butthurt that plenty of other guys will find you attractive now too. 1
kaylan Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I don't know. There's also different levels of "toned". Like, neither sex likes flabby arms. But you can do enough so that your arms are firm, without much definition. I've seen some chicks post pics of themselves in the gym flexing their arms and it's more defined than my arms. Not a good look. Same goes with stomach. Both sexes like a flat stomach, but not too many men are looking for chicks that have muscular definition on their stomach. Definition has to do with body fat percentage more so than muscle tone. No offense, but I can see why youd not be into girls with arms that look more athletic than yours. Youve posted your stats here before, and youre not a big dude. Its biology really, as guys want girls smaller than them. And plenty of guys love a woman with a toned stomach. Jessica Biel is a great example. Tone in a stomach is muscular definition. When you see someone with a good V cut (def sexy on a woman) thats muscle definition.
MrCastle Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Definition has to do with body fat percentage more so than muscle tone. No offense, but I can see why youd not be into girls with arms that look more athletic than yours. Youve posted your stats here before, and youre not a big dude. Its biology really, as guys want girls smaller than them. And plenty of guys love a woman with a toned stomach. Jessica Biel is a great example. Tone in a stomach is muscular definition. When you see someone with a good V cut (def sexy on a woman) thats muscle definition. I don't know if it has much to do with that. Last few girls I dated were taller than me and weighed more. Doubt it has to do with my own physical self and more to do with what I find attractive. I find this very attractive http://www.florida-beach-lifestyle.com/images/female-tan-beach-skincare-black-bikini-vert-1-look-left-425.jpg This, not so much http://impossibleabs.com/files/2012/08/554908_590804067375_1733572734_n.jpg
Author Laylee Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 PS - overweight doesnt equal "curvy". Girls can be curvy at any size. Its usually down to bone structure and how your body distributes fat. Youre just not a curvy girl at your healthy bodyweight. Some girls are thinner and curvy, while some girls are thin with not so much curve. You putting on body fat in order to look curvy for him would be dumb. Stop dating insecure dudes who cant handle a good looking woman whos fit. Hes basically telling you all about what hes supposedly attracted to because your fitness threatens him. Trust me, he wont stop finding you attractive. He is just butthurt that plenty of other guys will find you attractive now too. I know it doesn't but I wanted to phrase the title in a less offensive way, as often other posters can be offended. He is already insecure and often thinks I'm going to run off, even when I wasn't as fit. The problem is that I have went after every man I have dated, I seem to go after the insecure type. I wish that he would take up my lifestyle or at least try it, so that then he could appreciate the work I put into my body. He avoids the gym like it's the plague, and often gets insecure when I mention body types in general. I like men who are fit and take care of their body. but I don't expect him to run and get a 6 pack for me, even if it had been a preference of mine. My only preference is to not be too overweight/ obese.
amazingdrummer Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 get a new Guy who fit your lifestyle. don't surround yourself with ppl full of negative and insecurities.
dj572 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Laylee, I can't speak for him but as for me I truly find all types attractive. Yes I find fit women attractive but I also find bigger women attractive also. It could be insecurity for your boyfriend because fit women do get more attention. As far as my ex wife I think it was all the attention she was getting that she had never had from anybody but me. I would be lying if I said I didn't try to talk her out of having the surgery at first because I was afraid she would leave me. I realized how bad she wanted to do it and I knew how she had struggled so in the end I had to support her because I did love her. I can't give you a definate answer but I really suspect he is insecure. I don't doubt he finds you attractive either way he just probably has his own insecurites for some reason.
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