mmsr1992 Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Extremely loooong story short.. My boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me over a month ago. He was going through a extremely stressed out time at university, he was very unsure of what was going on with his life and future. We were fine one day (even planning a trip for the summer together) and the next day he broke up with me. He said he felt we were growing apart and that we just don't get along. We hadn't been fighting at all lately so he kept bringing up some bigger fights of ours from 6 months ago, a year ago, even 2 years ago. When I met up with him a week later to talk, he was full of a million excuses on why we didn't work. Every question I asked him was answered with a denial or a "i dont know". A couple days later we were texting again about our relationship. He told me "move on. but don't get mad if I come crawling back in a few months. thats all im saying". What does this mean? We've gone extremely LC...talked twice briefly on texts in the last 3 weeks. He was nice, but seemed a little distant. Ive made steps on moving on...removed all pictures and things that remind me of him, deleted his number from my phone so I won't contact him. But that comment he made keeps haunting me...
KJP Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 That was not a fair comment for him to make. He may not have intended to be this way, but it comes across as him saying, "I'll be back if I don't find anything better." I know it is 100% easier said than done, but don't try to just wait around for him.
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 He's keeping you on a leash just "in case" he changes his mind. Honestly don't focus on THAT comment. Focus on all the other ones in which he told you why you guys aren't working. Basically he's telling you, "hey if I don't find anyone else in my new found single life, I'm going to come back." Don't be someone second choice, or backup plan. 1
Author mmsr1992 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 his best friend asked him if he was going to start dating again and my ex told him "no. i dont have time, i need to focus on school right now". So he's not interested in finding another girl. But I agree not a fair comment to tell me...because it keeps drawing me back. Also, I still don't understand the whole breakup. His reasons didnt make sense.. for example "we are too different" when I asked why he said "uhhm well we are different in some ways that is what i meant. i like hunting and you dont, i like sports and you dont, you love small dogs and i hate them, things like that". COME ON. He didn't know that 3 years ago? Does this all have to do with stress?
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 his best friend asked him if he was going to start dating again and my ex told him "no. i dont have time, i need to focus on school right now". So he's not interested in finding another girl. COME ON. He didn't know that 3 years ago? Does this all have to do with stress? Take everything he's saying with a grain of salt. If he meets someone he's interested in, guess what, he's going to be with her. My ex told me all this horse crap as well. "I'm so stressed." "I need to focus on my career." "I need to find myself." "I don't have time to be in a relationship." "I'm not looking to be with anyone else." "There is no one else" "We're not right together, it's like putting a round peg in a square hole." "Oh but you're my best friend and you're so amazing and I can see us getting back together." Yeah. So much for all of that. I walked out of his house that night and we never spoke again. That was 10 months ago. A month after he dumps me after all of his moaning about having no time, about him loving me, about him seeing us getting back together... he's bringing a new girl around his family. I sure as s.hit know he met her while he was dating me. There was no way in hell he met someone within 4 weeks and then brought her around that fast. I know they were probably talking towards the end of our relationship. He became an absolute a.sshole to me, was rude, told me to sell all the jewelry he ever bought me, there was no us, never would be. We dated three years as well. It was as if I became nothing to him. After a while of NC I started to really see him for what he was, and I saw all the red flags I ignored when we were dating. Just ignore what he's saying. Do NOT dwell on it b/c it will drive you crazy. After my ex said he saw us getting back together and that he still loved me, I spent 5 weeks obsessing. Wondering why he wasn't calling, if he missed me, if we were getting back together, if I should contact him, if I should leave him alone. I find that limbo period to be HORRIBLE. It just consumed me. Once I stopped focusing on him and started focusing on myself, I started moving on. 2
destroyed4sho Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) Katzee is so right. He just wants to keep you in his back pocket INCASE his other plans don't work out. What other plans? The new girl, or his newly found single life. He wants the door open without any backlash from you or you closing the door on him if he ever changes his mind. Very selfish indeed. From reading so many stories on here, it seems that when they say they are busy/focus on career it usually means they met someone else and want to let you down easy... If someone really loved you they would find time no matter how "busy" they are. Everyone is BUSY in life.....and life will always be busy and consuming...even If what he said is true (i dont buy it) do you want someone that is going to discard you every time he gets busy with something? If he thinks school is tough, wait till he gets a REAL job... Edited March 18, 2013 by destroyed4sho
bada bing Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 (edited) It's actually very arrogant that he would say that to you. He is assuming two things: 1. "You will take him back" 2. "Your always available to him" and won't being seeing someone else yourself Don't accept that, if he felt that way he should be back now, not after he's been lonely for a few months. Stay busy and move on! Edited March 18, 2013 by bada bing spelling
KatZee Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Katzee is so right. He just wants to keep you in his back pocket INCASE his other plans don't work out. What other plans? The new girl, or his newly found single life. He wants the door open without any backlash from you or you closing the door on him if he ever changes his mind. Very selfish indeed. Exactly. When my ex was crying about how he loved me, he was talking to this new girl behind my back. He saw that he had his way out of the relationship (new girl to fall back on) but wasn't quite sure it would work. So he pulled the, "Can we still be friends? What we have is so amazing and I still love you and I don't want to burn bridges." Really? You love me, what we have is amazing? So WHY ARE YOU DUMPING ME? The second he asked that I was like "nope. We're not friends. Sorry." And I burnt that bridge to the ground faster than you can say "splitsville." For how "amazing" I am, he never once contacted me. Only went on with his merry little life with his new little girlfriend. (Who hilariously looked like me, but wound up being 6 years younger--- my ex can't handle real commitment and it only made sense that he'd try dating a little kid.) Too bad his new little relationship didn't work out. It went up in flames about 30 days later. So now he was the a.sshole. Out a girlfriend who stood by him for three years, who supported and truly loved him, and now he lost his little fall back plan. I hope he felt stupid as hell after totally turning on me and acting like he was hot s.hit. His mentality was "oh hahaha Ill show you I found someone so much better, bye!" and then it was over with the snap of a finger. I won't lie. I do bask around in my glory knowing that he screws up everything he touches.
Author mmsr1992 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 I'm so sorry that all happened to you katzee. But because that happened with you and your ex, I think you may be a little biased in thinking my ex left me for someone else. If he had..he would have told his best friend that. I am also still in contact with his mom and his roommates girlffriend. Its been 5 weeks siince the breakup, if he had been hiding it from everyone (which is not something he would do) it would all be out right now. However, I'm not stupid and I know he will be enjoying the single life and if he does happen to find a girl he likes they could end up together. Also, he never actually said stress and school was the REASON for breakup. If you read my beginning post I said everything was fine with us, until 1 week he had 7 engineering exams in 5 days, and some other crap happened at school. (With 7 engineering courses he didn't even. Have time to go anywhere) Then all of a sudden he was breaking up with me for the reasons I said above. And from my friends experiences..when a breakup was from stress a couple times it was actually cuz of another girl. For 3 of my friends the guys came back a couple months later because stress had settled down in their lives. Who knows, everyones different. My point is he broke up with me because he thought we were growing apart and we weren't getting along, even though that wasn't true. Not once did he say it was because of school or stress.
Author mmsr1992 Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 My problem is he never said he was to busy/stressed. I'm assuming it had something to do with it because everything was fine until he was uncertain about his school future and had 7 exams within5 days. The reasons he gave for the breakup didn't make sense.
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