ToyStoryThree Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 OK so we're all familiar with this delusion of thinking that the person who has just dumped us is 'The One' - even me, I've been guilty of thinking and idealising people in the past! My story, in sum: Dated someone for a couple of months, lots of background circumstances that made it very intense and very very complicated. It went wrong very very quickly, loads of arguments, lots of blocking, lots of horrid things said. That went on for a while, too. We tried to be friends, but it didn't work out - I think because one of us (me) still had feelings and the other didn't. Which is fair enough. There has always been talk of a bond between us both - we can both see and feel it, but neither of us can identify what it is. We have both agreed to be friends one day, just not now. I am full NC - and I was fine up until the last few days (it's been a week NC) but I've just been thinking more and more that I have never felt like this about anyone, and never felt this level of connection toward anyone. It's not idealising...I see her faults, and accept them. In the past, I have had the whole 'but they're the one!!!! OMG!!' feeling and I know that this isn't THAT. So, I guess...I don't really know what I wanted to ask or say, here. I do genuinely think that she could be The One....it's been a while since we actually 'broke up' so I'm not clouded by emotions or feelings etc... I really do want to reconnect with this person and start again, one day...without the problems we faced before I do genuinely believe it could be different. Is this a usual feeling so long after a break up? What if it never goes away? I recently started talking to another woman but I just can't be bothered to talk to her. I don't feel interested in anything she has to say which sounds awful, but....what if this doesn't go away? What is this?
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 I'd be really grateful for a bit of feedback...
JourneyLady Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 I don't know about anyone else, but I believe in soulmates. What I don't believe is that we have only one soulmate. I believe we can often run into several over a lifetime that we have unfinished business with. Some of our soulmates may not be good for us. A soulmate may or may not be the person we're meant to be with. But I do think it's possible to find and locate one really good relationship with someone we're connected to in some way. I've been trying on different relationships throughout my lifetime. Something told me when I found the best relationship for me, the guy would tell me that I was his one. I was married for decades, and never heard it from ex-h. I fell into several relationships where I felt close and intimate, but they didn't want to utter the word "forever" and again, I didn't hear what something told me I was supposed to hear. Each and every relationship had something missing. The man I am bonding with now is on the same page with me, and yesterday, without being asked... he said it. I can't speak for the results yet, but I know my heart answered. My head tells me it could be so much malarky, but my heart feels so bound by finally hearing those words from someone I already am falling for. (And he's not the type to say them to just anyone... It's not a line, in other words.) I would have tried this relationship anyway, but something in his words makes me feel more secure in it. We will have to see how the story turns out. 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Journey Lady - that's a wonderful story, and it's nice to read about a bit of happiness on these forums
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 I'm just gonna continue to ramble...every day without her feels longer and longer, and I'm starting to feel quite depressed. I miss her terribly, I really do. I'm doing everything correctly - working out, finding distractions...but this isn't going away She actually is my 'One', I think...
Foxy Brown Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Hi, ToyStoryThree. Your story sounds so similar to mine! I'm a week into NC, too, and think I have had more emotions than I can keep track of. Keep in mind that it's only been a week, and the wounds are fresh, so to speak. After time passes, you'll feel differently. I believe that when you have an undeniably strong bond with someone, you should not walk away from it (unless they're abusive). What are the problems you faced with your girlfriend? Are they insurmountable? Can you do anything to change the situation? My ex always used to tell me that if it's meant to be, it will, but not on our own time. I don't really agree with this, because it sounds to me like both people can just sit around and do nothing and wait for something to magically happen. However, for your situation, both of you have agreed to work on a friendship later on. I think this bodes well for you. It sounds like right now all you can do is just let time pass. I know it's hard, but just take it day by day. Hang out with friends, watch a funny movie, do something you enjoy. I hope you feel better! 1
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Hi, thanks for your reply, Foxy Brown. The problems we faced are over now - the only problem now is that we argued a lot (because of the situation, we actually got on very very well otherwise) and I did say some things that I admit were horrible, and she hasn't forgiven me (or has, but hasn't forgotten). I can't speak for her, but whenever we did speak it just became an argument. So, it's that we saw the worst sides to each other and I guess things just became very complicated and not very romantic at all. We actually broke up three months ago, which is why I'm shocked at feeling these things now...I thought I was over her, or on the way to it at least. I am pleased that we have the future to look forward to, and perhaps a second chance to show her the 'real' me and not a stressed one. I want to build on our connection and hopefully use that as a springboard to trying again. I dunno.... But yeah, you're right - I guess for now I just need to chill out!!
Foxy Brown Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Were you still in constant communication after the break up? Sometimes all you can do is let time pass, as hard as that is. I've seen how external stress can affect a relationship negatively. Maybe after some time has passed, you will both feel refreshed and ready to give it another go. Did you part amicably? I think it's great that, after everything you two have been through, you both would like to still have a friendship. That sounds very positive for you both. In the meantime, make sure you take care of yourself and do things that you enjoy doing. Try not to sit around, thinking about her and what you had and what you want. I'm happy to hear that you've been doing things to distract yourself like working out! Hang in there! 1
KJP Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for someone we love is to let them go and experience the single world for a while. Maybe you are meant to be together, but just not right now. There are probably some things both of you need to experience alone before you are meant to be together. Good luck!
Author ToyStoryThree Posted March 18, 2013 Author Posted March 18, 2013 Were you still in constant communication after the break up? Sometimes all you can do is let time pass, as hard as that is. I've seen how external stress can affect a relationship negatively. Maybe after some time has passed, you will both feel refreshed and ready to give it another go. Did you part amicably? I think it's great that, after everything you two have been through, you both would like to still have a friendship. That sounds very positive for you both. In the meantime, make sure you take care of yourself and do things that you enjoy doing. Try not to sit around, thinking about her and what you had and what you want. I'm happy to hear that you've been doing things to distract yourself like working out! Hang in there! We were in constant, almost daily communication...it sometimes went well, but a lot of the time it didn't...I don't know why. She was going through something big at the time so I don't think that helped. We did part amicably, it was a very lovely parting - we promised to reconnect at some point, so this isn't the end but we both realise we need a 'break'. But yeah, I have - been cycling like mad and running too, also starting to volunteer so yeahhhh things aren't that bad I guess
Foxy Brown Posted March 18, 2013 Posted March 18, 2013 After being in constant communication, it can feel like your arm has been cut off when the communication stops. It sounds to me like it was one of those "wrong place, wrong time" situations. Definitely give it time, and I think you stand a strong chance of rekindling what was lost. Good for you for keeping busy! I think you'll gain a lot from volunteering. You sound like a strong person, and I believe you can and will get through this. Keep us updated with how things go for you! Good luck, my friend! 1
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