ifeellow Posted September 8, 2004 Posted September 8, 2004 I have been divorced for one year. During this past year I have had a semi-relationship with two men. They happen to be friends. The first man was a more talking on the phone relationship and seening each other out. We became pretty good friends, but then we slept together. We never saw each other that way again. We still see each other out, but it is very strange the way we kind of act towards each other. We both act weird and really have nothing to say to one another. Then the friend........ I started talking to his friend on the phone and also seeing him out. But, whenever I saw him out he would ignore me if he was with the first guy. One time he waited for the first guy to come and talk to me and leave the joint before he would come over and talk to me. Once the first guy was out the door, he had no problem hugging me and talking to me. At first this was fine, but now we see each other occasionally in a behind closed doors where noone can see us basis. I don't particularly have feelings for this guy, but I am curious as to why he has never told any of his friends about me, not even the one I had previously dated. Is he embarrassed of me? I see him out all the time with other women. He obviously tells his friends about the other women he sees. He tells me that he doesn't tell them about me because he respects me and don't want to run his mouth about us. But like I said he sees other women and takes them out with his friends. My question is....Does he treat me this way because of the first guy? (His best friend) I am ultimately upset about this because I feel that he thinks of me as an embarrassment or something. No one has ever treated me this way before. I hate to go out anymore for fear of seeing him with his friends and him ignoring me. I know I should tell him to bugger off, but I suppose that after my divorce I would rather have someone than no one. Even if that someone only talks to me in private. Talk about self-esteem I obviously don't have any. But all your guys out there, please give me some insight into your minds and how they work.
expos Posted September 9, 2004 Posted September 9, 2004 I believe the guy who doesn't show his display of affection to you publicy doesn't want his friend to know about the two of you. I believe that this guy wants to avoid a confrontation with his friend (who you slept with). He's keeping things on the Down LOW so it doesn't start a three way firestorm. My advice? Drop both of them. Don't get involved with their antics. Forget about them and move onto somebody new that gives you the respect you need. You've got your whole life ahead of you...don't waste it on insecure people. Meeting new people is a lot more fun than hanging with shady people that you'll never be able to trust.
roy2004 Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 hi, i think this guy just doesn't respect you at all, because if he cared for you he would be able to tell his friend about you especially if your relationship with his friend is over. Maybe you should just stop seeing them and get someone that is open and up front with you, you are someone special and you should think of yourself as much.
ifeellow Posted September 10, 2004 Posted September 10, 2004 Thanks for answering. I know that both of you are right. I know this because it is the same advice I would give any one of my friends. I guess I just needed to hear it myself. My husband cheated on me and left me for a 20 year old beauty queen. I have two three year old girls and have a lot of issues that make me very insecure. I suppose on some level I feel that no one will ever want me because my husband decided that he didn't. I also feel that since I have two small children that I am not the cream of the crop anymore and therefore guys don't even want to ask me out. But I suppose any 28 year old divorced woman with two small children would feel this way after the things I have went through. I don't mean to sound like a total pity party, but I just wish that people saw me for me and gave me a chance. Dating isn't like it used to be. People don't ask you out for a nice dinner and a movie anymore. There is all this "meet me out at ????" What happened to the good old days of dating? The only men I have even met in the past year have all been complete jerks. I suppose since I am in the situation that I am in with an ex and kids, I am just the girl they think is cute and want to sleep with, not the girl they want to take home to mom and introduce as the mother of two. It is extremely insulting to me. I can't help but get my feelings hurt a lot. I suppose that is why I am so hung up on the "present" jerk. My husband always treated me like crap, maybe I just enjoy taking it up the rear, or maybe it is all I know to do. Anyway, I am not giving up. I know there is someone out there who will be my world.
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