Do I have any chance?

[Konundrum]

So, I'm new to this but I have a problem that I could use some advice on. I've lurked here for a bit and it seems like there are 2 groups... the alphas that seem to make relationships a continuous power struggle, and the rest that just want to be with someone for mutual happiness. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the alpha 'ignore them and I am so magnificent they will come running' paradigm, so thats not me.

 

About me:

 

Currently single. She left me after 6 years.

I'm not physically attractive. I'm more of a fat biker type guy, ~300lb 6'2" so I'm not exactly what any girls consider hot.

 

I'm 37. She is 26. She was 17 when we got together.

 

I was running an internet cafe and I met her when her boyfriend was getting physical with her in the cafe. I tend to be somewhat of a white knight and I can't let that sort of thing happen. Over the course of a few months we got together. I tried to not let it happen because of the age difference but I had been single foe 2 years and honestly I was lonely. She was great and we loved each other. We took trips and just worked well together.

 

We stayed together through a number of things that were hard. My internet cafe closed so I took a job in the air force reserves and was deployed (locally) for a the summer. She moved in with me after 3 months. Physically she is a perfect 10 in my opinion. She doesn't necessarily know it and thats a good thing.

 

I opened another business an I put alot of time into it. She worked in management around the corner so it worked for both of us. I made the mistake of making her wait after work sometimes because of my business and I regret that. After a few years, she wanted to try something different for work because she looked young and got no respect as a manager. The other employees were older and didn't listen to her that well so she decided to get another job. She asked me what I thought and I supported her decision.

 

I'm not saying at this point everything was roses and kittens. We had a few issues but we loved each other. The largest was sex. She was terrified of getting pregnant because her sister made a mess of her life having kids. At 9 months, we decided that I should have a vasectomy. I did it and even right after the operation the sex was frequent and awesome. Then it wasn't. It went from a few times a week to a few times a month to once in 6 months. I loved her and tried to fix things but she just never felt like it. There was nobody else in her life and I am sure of this because she worked alot and aside from family visits we were pretty much together all the time.

 

The age difference meant that some of my friends stopped talking to me because they thought it was inappropriate. Even the military got involved threatening 'conduct unbecoming an officer' because she looked younger than she was. We overcame these things together. Then the new job.

 

She started working a night job from 6pm-2am. Her only nights off were Saturday and Sunday nights. She was working with a small group doing data entry. In all there were about 6 people in the office plus 2 supervisors. One one of the girls she worked with was a friend that she had in high school who didn't approve of me much. Again, because of the age thing. In this group was a guy who was engaged, a guy I'm reasonably sure was gay, and 2 other girls.

 

I wasn't associated with this group very much because of the time difference in work schedules. I didn't worry very much when she was spending every Friday night after work at a local all night sports pub. She came home and slept and usually we would do something on Saturday night together. I did want to meet them just to see who they were so I asked if she would mind if I met them. She decided that they were going to go for drinks on Saturday night (our night) and she would ask them if I could join them. :S

 

The guy who was engaged... I'll call him 'Mike'... spent most of the night complaining about his girlfriend being controlling. He complained about her having a problem with him coming out to meet his friends and how she was basically a horrible person. The rest of the group was supportive of him. I didn't think anything of this at the time. Apparently he had cheated on her with my girlfriends' friend a few months earlier.

 

Skip forward a month or so. I got a call that one of my work trucks was in a neighborhood that it shouldn't have been in. I have 3 trucks so I just assumed that the girlfriend had it. I asked her about it and apparently she was taking Mike out for a haircut. ok. whatever. I trust her and I have no secrets from her. Later that night I noticed that her phone was now locked. That didn't happen. She said she loved me and told me she needed to leave a bit earlier than normal because Mike needed a ride to work.

 

The rides continued but it was ok because he paid for gas. I trust her right?

I tried to spend more time with her, staying up late or leaving work early. Meeting her for dinner whenever she would. I knew I was losing her but I just didn't know what to do, all the while she denied there was anything between her and Mike. Mike left his gf in February, around the time he always needed a ride to work.

 

Her birthday party in April I wasn't allowed to go to because I made Mike and his friends uncomfortable. She started the job in December and by April she got an apartment and moved out. She said she just wanted to be my friend a that she would always love me no matter what. Then she changed her facebook status to 'single'. I tried to see her once in awhile and we did things like going to her mom's for dinner. Then she didn't want to see me anymore because I was controlling and I was trying to stop her from seeing her friends apparently. She told me she never loved me for the 6 years we were together. Then on August 17th, she changed her facebook status to 'in a relationship with Mike'

 

I know I screwed up. I know that I should have taken more time doing things she wanted to do. I get that. I justified my stupidity by saying it was so we could build my company and then not have to work so hard. Probably age is the reason that she didn't get that.

 

I don't have much for self esteem. After this I have developed some serious trust issues with girls. I really feel old and that doesn't help.

 

As for meeting someone new I just don't think it will happen. I have some fairly strict criteria that I'm looking for. First, I really don't date fat girls. Before any of the larger ladies here get their panties in a bunch, please understand. Its the one thing I hate about myself more than anything else so it would be hypocritical to find it attractive in someone else. The born skinny people who would answer this with 'go exercise' well, if I didn't spend so much time working (and the balance in depression from this breakup) I probably would. Next, no kids.... I'm not a baby-daddy and I'm not interested in investing time in a relationship only to have them leave me because getting back with their ex is better for junior. Just about anyone in my age group either has kids or is crazy. I also make it a point not to date crazy. If I look younger than 30 then I'm a horrible person.

 

I have spent the last year of my life thinking about this girl. I emailed her and she doesn't reply. I get a few texts once in awhile when she wants something. We went from being connected at the hip to strangers in a few months. The worst part is that her parents, who completely accepted me, are still friends. The come by my shop to say hi or sometimes to my house for supper. Its really hard to see them.

 

So thats my situation. And now the question.

 

I wrote a letter to her. Its about as long as this post actually. I don't know if it would matter to send it or not. Given the personality change when she started hanging out with that bunch she will probably take it out to one of their drinking nights an have fun with how pathetic I am. I know I'm an idiot for this but in spite of everything I still love her and I want her back.

 

Do I send the letter or do I just give up? Ladies? Your ideas?

[fungusamungus]

Truthfully, it doesn't really sound like you two were right for each other. She may not have been right for and you may not have been right for her.

[Konundrum]

I've never felt more at ease with anyone before... so I really hope you are wrong. After 6 years that really should have come up before though. Computer games was one of the major commonalities.

 

I guess what I am so upset about is that its like she was just waiting for the first 'upgrade' to come along. Thats the depressing part.

 

The other thing is, most of her stuff is still at my house. Partly because I don't want to let go of her and partly because I just don't want to box it all up.